Field Trip

 In a shift from the norm, yesterday I pulled Timmy from classes and took him on an impromptu adventure. (Before everybody comes at me, it was mostly educationally based.) True to tradition, Timmy did not know our destinations but he was delighted when I invited him to skip school with me. After jumping with delight, he dressed in record time so we could begin our adventures.

 I took him to the Udvar Hazy Space Museum, one of his favorite locations outside of Washington DC. He was delighted to return 'home' and was eager to check out his favorite exhibits. Because we arrived when the museum was opening, there were no lines for the simulators. Usually that section of the museum is very busy and I typically avoid it. But yesterday was special and I decided to include an experience in our adventure.

I let Timmy choose which simulator we were going to experience. He chose the fighter jet, which was the most complicated. I wasn't particularly worried because I can handle the jerky movements of virtual reality rides as long as I close my eyes.  So sure Timmy, let's be fighter pilots.

Crawling into the cock pit of our simulator plane, I was surprised by all of the straps we needed to utilize. I even commented to the attendant that the straps were a really nice touch. He looked at me and mumbled "You will go upside down." I assured him I would be fine because I'll simply close my eyes.

Again he warned me about going upside down before closing the cockpit door and locking us in. Strange warning I thought. But as the simulation began to rev to life I had a haunting realization- did he mean our capsule was going to go upside down?

Within 30 seconds of take off I had our virtual plane nosediving towards the ocean while Timmy and I were flipped upside down in our little capsule. Hanging like bats upside down frantically trying to figure out the controls to right ourselves. We crashed into the ocean.

The game reset, we were transported back to our normal alignment and took off again. Quickly we found ourselves again hanging upside down and laughing hysterically. The suction on my prosthesis broke and I could feel the leg start to shift. I told Timmy who was howling with laughter so much that he ended up farting, essentially hot boxing us with his noxious gas. 

We are terrible pilots but it was a lot of fun! I don't remember the last time we both laughed so much. 

 

Good report

 Yesterday Scott had an appointment with his cardiologist and received an excellent report. I immediately felt a weight of anxiety lift when the doctor said we didn't need to return for six months. It has been a difficult summer as we struggled with the medication, recovery, rehabilitation and a completely new diet. After months of change, I think we are finally settling into a quasi-comfortable post-cardiac event routine. 

Settling into a new normal has allowed me to start to relax and breath. I have spent months on high alert and my body is wearing down. I think I need to invest a little more effort into my own self-care or I won't be much good for anybody. I suppose this is an issue for most (probably all) moms. We, collectively, need to do a better job extending the same grace and courtesy to ourselves that we do to everybody else.

Here's to self-care! 

Wii

 This weekend was rough.  The constant coverage of the shooting in Utah has triggered my grief and anxiety over my brother.  Like Kirk, my brother was shot in the neck. Only when Jae was killed by gun violence, nobody cared. 

The shooting put Jae in my mind, but a series of coincidences over the weekend kept him omnipresent. Robby has been challenging his skills by 'jail breaking' previous gaming systems.  The most recent project has been reworking our old Wii, which hasn't been used in decades. Excited to test out his new features, he called us all into his room. The wind was knocked out of me when I looked at the television screen and saw our avatars from long ago. My brother's avatar was walking around the screen, animated and full of life.

The drama towards the end of Jae's life has made retrieving happier memories difficult. Seeing his avatar I was flooded with memories of the times he played with Robby. When he was healthy, he was a really good uncle. I'm so grateful that his avatar remained to remind me of those times. 

Sigh. I miss him. 

Today Scott has a cardiologist appointment. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to being scared. His blood pressure has been a struggle as of late. I'm hoping it will be a simple medication switch, but I think I will always be scared.