Yard Work

We spent Sunday morning tackling the last pile of leaves for the year. Scott drove the mower, bagging up the leaves as he passed. When the bags were full he backed into the woods, where Timmy and I were waiting. After I emptied and reloaded the bags, Scott drove away to gather more leaves while Hamlet gleefully jumped into the growing mountain of shredded fun.  

While we were busy working on the leaves on the lawn, Robby was busy blowing them from the porch and steps. With everybody working together (although Timmy's contribution was really limited to staying occupied and out of trouble), the chore only took us two hours.  It was nice to be able to come inside for lunch with the satisfaction that the leaf gathering was done for the year.

As Scott and I were making breakfast, we started to chuckle as we were thinking about how our lives have changed. When we first moved into this house we were newly married and without kids. We slept until 11 on weekends and casually went out for breakfast on a whim. Hearing mowers and leaf blowers revving before noon was an annoyance because it disturbed our solitude.

Now that we have kids, we know that you have to take advantage of every opportunity. Out of respect we always wait until at least 10:30 before revving up any loud equipment, but I can't help but wonder if the young couple without kids across the street were annoyed by our Sunday activities. Even if they were, they will soon learn that our yardwork is minimal and that they won't be disturbed often.  ;)

Bolder Run

Timmy and Robby are so different that it borders on fascinating. With the exception of their physical similarities, it is hard to fathom that they are closely related. Robby has always been studious, cautious and intense. Timmy is silly and an adventurous thrill seeker.

I spent several hours yesterday afternoon throwing a giant yoga ball down a hill. As it was bouncing towards him, Timmy tried to beat it down the hill Indiana Jones style. Most of the time he won, but the peels of laughter when the ball ran him filled the cold air. I can only imagine how odd my trying to bowl over my preschooler must have looked to the new neighbors!

Robby would have become panicked and insulted had I rolled a giant ball after him down a hill, but Timmy hatched the idea and begged me to help. Robby loved looking for bugs and examining intricacies of bugs and rocks. Timmy views rocks as obstacles that need to be jumped over or thrown.  

This little guy is certainly keeping me active!

Hibernation

I had a wonderful weekend doing absolutely nothing of import.  I had anticipated being festive and baking cookies. In reality, I ended up binge-watching cookie baking shows on television while relaxing in front of our fireplace.

After the phantom pain nightmare from last week, a few days of relaxing was a welcome change of pace. I have to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed being completely unproductive. To my surprise, the boys seemed just as content to stay home and play quietly by themselves for most of the weekend. I guess we all needed a break from the holiday hustle and bustle.  

Where we were relaxed and hibernating all weekend, the new neighbors were overflowing with activity. Saturday morning a U-Haul truck drove into Mr. Bill's driveway, followed by nine cars. (The house will probably always be referred to as "Mr. Bill's," regardless of who lives there.)  The crew spent the weekend moving and unpacking.  

Robby and I were toying with the idea of going over to introduce ourselves, but we decided to wait until the friends left and the situation was less hectic.  Maybe today we will bake some cookies to welcome the new neighbor. Even though we are still sad that Mr. Bill has left, I want to make sure that we don't take it out on the new owner.

Frustrations

I'm thankful that the phantom pain has finally waned, but I feel like the episode continues to impact my life. I'm chasing my tail trying to catch up on everything that I delayed while I was contending with the phantom stingers. I am fearful of pushing myself too hard to catch up out of the fear that the pain will return. So now I'm pain-free but frustrated and frazzled.  

I want to just relax and enjoy the season, but I find myself running around like a crazy woman. If I'm not chasing a kid I'm tripping over a toy or a cat. Worst of all, I am losing patience with my kids. They do not deserve to reap the unfortunate consequences of my pain!

Hopefully, I can use the weekend to recover and to reset. I hate feeling this way- like I'm never doing enough and like I'm always failing. I know that I need to switch my mindset but I'm not sure how to modify my inner dialog.  I guess I just figured out my New Year resolution!

Relief!

Relief!

The phantom pain that has been plaguing me at night since Sunday has finally lifted. Last night I slept through the night. My leg was still and wasn't instinctively kicking as a response to the stinging sensations. My goodness, I feel so much better!

I am still confounded about the cause of this phantom pain episode. It frustrates me that I can be sidelined without cause. I have a hard time accepting the "sometimes it happens" explanation, probably because it reminds me that my lifestyle is vulnerable to my limb.

After struggling for the past few days, I have a new respect for my amputee friends who suffer from phantom pain on a regular basis. I am lucky that I only contend with the demon nerves a few times a year. I have friends who have contended with phantom pain for decades. I cannot imagine how they can continue to function. A few days nearly knocked me out and drove me off the abyss.  

Day Two of Pain

I was hoping that I would find relief from the persistent phantom stinging and biting, but my nerves never rested. Last night was as difficult as Monday night, leaving me running on fumes after little to no sleep since Sunday. Needless to say, I'm absolutely miserable!

I am still trying to figure out the cause of this sudden onset but I'm left without answers. The only conclusion that makes sense is that sometimes nerves just become angry. Having to accept both the pain and the vulnerability that it can occur at any time is humbling. 

Today I am going to be taking it easy, not so much because I want to relax but because my body is forcing me to slow down. I'm hoping that a day spent curled up on the couch without my prosthesis will help the angry but mighty little nerves to settle down. 

Have I mentioned how much I hate phantom pain?

Phantom Yellow Jackets

I'm not sure of the impetus, but last night my phantom pain was through the roof. It began after dinner and the intensity only increased through the night. The phantom yellow jackets stopped stinging the bottom of my missing foot around 3 am, allowing me a few hours of sleep before Hamlet woke me up for the day. 

Struggling with pain in an appendage that is no longer attached is both physically and emotionally exhausting. I am trying to apply logic and reason to try to determine why my nerve endings were so angry last night, but I think it is fruitless. In the 15 plus years since I became an amputee, I have accepted that sometimes nerve endings just have a mind of their own. Last night they were asserting dominance, a painful reminder of my vulnerabilities.

Today is one of those days when I hate being an amputee. I resent the phantom pain that arrives uninvited, ruining both my mood and my night. I am trying to remind myself that, in comparison to my friends, I am lucky that my dealings with phantom pain are relatively few. It's hard to count my blessings when I'm so exhausted, but I'm going to keep trying!