17 years.

17 years.  

17 years ago I had my amputation. That time feels like a lifetime ago, yet the emotions of that morning remain vibrant in my memory. The petrifying fear I felt on the days leading up to the surgery is what keeps me going on difficult days.

Most of the time I am able to keep those memories compartmentalized and hidden in a little box in my mind, only to be released in small doses and around occasions.  My Ampuversary is one of those times when I allow myself to reflect upon the gravity of the experience, which often leads to me revisiting the pain and anguish I felt. Even though it leads to discomfort, I think it is good to remember and to revisit those emotions because it helps me to remain present when I mentor new amputees.

This morning, as I logged on to begin working, couldn't help but reflect.  I barely recognize that young woman who was just starting out 17 years ago, so full of optimism and excitement about the future.  I assumed that I would have my amputation, I would recover and that I would resume my set career path. 

I doubt that my younger self would believe the way my life turned out. I have settled into a wildly different career, predicated on the limb loss community. I have started a non-profit and I have found my voice for advocacy. Instead of accepting my amputation and putting it behind me, as I had planned, I am now embracing my "difference" and living my best life.  

Happy Ampuversary to me!

Schedule

Yesterday morning I woke up early and immediately logged onto my computer and started working. By the time I was finished it was early afternoon, the temperature was 90 outside and Timmy was ready to play. I put away my laptop, pulled on my swimsuit and spent the afternoon in the little pool, playing and enjoying the time in the sun.  

Although I'm not particularly thrilled with waking up early, I feel like I'm finally settling into a comfortable schedule. Balancing work and family is always hard but I am optimistic that I'm finding my balance. Of course, by the time everything runs smoothly school will resume and throw chaos into my plans.  

Unfortunately Robby was busy with his Algebra tutor, guitar lesson and band practice so he wasn't able to join the pool fun. In all honesty, I don't really expect him to hop into our little pool. Somehow, a 12 foot pool isn't as exciting for a 14 year old teen. Wasn't it just a few years ago that I was splashing and playing with Robby in a little pool on our driveway?  He is growing up way too fast!

Back Home

After a fantastic few days with my Mom, yesterday we packed up and returned home. I always hate leaving but probably not as much as Timmy. My sweet little guy cried for the first hour of our drive, lamenting leaving his Nana and fretting that he won't see her again. As much as I tried to console him, logic didn't work. Thankfully he quieted down when he was handed an ice cream cone, and the rest of our drive was relatively quiet.

As soon as we arrived home Timmy hopped into his pool and began to play. His tears were a distant memory and he was transformed into a happy little fishy. I hate that he is so sad when we leave my Mom's house, but I know that his grief is always short lived.  

Robby was ecstatic to show his daddy his new bass guitar. He sat on the couch with his new guitar, grinning from ear-to-ear and proudly strumming his song. Nana definitely hit a home run with that surprise!  

Today will be spent catching up on both work and housework. It seems like the laundry and cleaning just never stops!

Golf

Yesterday was relatively low-key. I was able to sleep in (thanks Mom) and work through the morning and into the early afternoon. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy being spoiled by my Mom?

After the teens woke up we played Taboo and other card games. I've learned that they don't really care what we do, they just enjoy having fun and being together. It was too hot to really do anything outside, so we hunkered down in the air conditioning. 

Early evening we headed to play mini-golf. I was hoping that the course would not be crowded at that time of day, and I was right. We were the only group on the course, so not only did we have a great time but I felt completely safe.

Today we are heading home. As much as I would love to stay, I need to get back to reality. Hopefully we will be back soon, because I will miss the late night giggles.

Drive-In

I had a wonderful weekend at my Mom's house. It was fantastic to just relax and hear the kiddos laughing throughout the day and night. I have to admit, being spoiled by my Mom was so nice! Every morning I woke up (after sleeping in) to fresh blueberry muffins and hot coffee brewing. I am so incredibly lucky!

Friday afternoon my Mom took Robby on a special trip. Robby didn't know where he was going and I was sworn to secrecy. After about an hour they returned and Robby was grinning from ear-to-ear. He was beyond giddy when he pulled out a beautiful bass guitar that his Nana just purchased for him. Right now he can only play it in short spurts because the stringers are thicker than they are on the guitar and his fingers need to build up deeper callouses, but he'll be playing for long periods in no time!

At night I packed up Robby and Tiffany and we went to the drive-in to see Grease. The kids are such good sports and eagerly gathered costumes for the event. (As a side note, Robby looks really good as a Greaser.)  My sister met us and joined us for the fun.

Saturday and Sunday were spent just playing around my Mom's house. Timmy spent most of his time in his "gym," which is basically a playground Nana built for him under her deck.  Sunday night we headed back to the drive-in, this time to watch Footloose.  Because of social distancing, it looks like the drive-in might become our "thing" this summer.

Free Berries

It seems that every summer I have a similar lesson. I vow to learn from the experience and to never let it happen again. This year, despite quarantine, has been no different. I forgot (again) that there is no such thing as a free berry. 

I always become excited when the blackberry bushes begin to fruit. Going for bike rides with Robby, it is so easy to just pull over to the side of the road and grab a few handfuls of ripe, juicy berries. Every single year I end up with a mouthful of delicious berries and limbs covered with poison ivy.  

Last night I began to itch. By the middle of the night it felt like my elbows and my knees were under attack. This morning the joints are hot, itchy and covered with large red welts.  Those berries were delicious, but they were definitely not worth the cost.

Team Pool

Yesterday was more laid back, which was a welcome relief. I was able to work through the morning but logged off in the afternoon. Timmy splished and splashed in his little pool while I just sat and relaxed. The humidity finally broke and it felt fantastic to be outside. 

Watching Timmy play and enjoy his pool has reignited my desire to get a pool at home. Our last attempt was a disaster and I swore I would never try again. The stage is still in pieces in our driveway, waiting to be hauled away. It's ironic that the junk hauler is coming today to remove the remaining pieces of our failed pool attempt while I am lobbying to try again.

This time I think we need to do it right. Bring somebody in to level the land before constructing a sturdy and sensibly sized above ground pool. The boys are all on board with our plan. At this point we just need to convince Scott. Hopefully, watching Timmy playing all summer in a little pool in our driveway will motivate him to jump to Team Pool!

The highlight of our day came during the evening, when Robby finally attended in-person band practice. He was thrilled to be back with his friends. I have to give props to his music school for keeping the program afloat, but I know that everybody was happy to return to their jam sessions.