There is little doubt that Timmy is suffering from a growing case of cabin fever. Unable to mingle in public and with the weather too cold to comfortably play outside, he has been forced indoors for several weeks. I have a feeling that his being cooped up has greatly contributed to his recent mischievous escapades.
Yesterday, in an attempt to breath new life into our boring routine, I set up the tent in the middle of our living room. Timmy was giddy with the prospect of indoor camping, and quickly retrieved blankets and supplies as soon as the tent was erect. We spent the afternoon playing inside our tent, pretending to sleep and fighting off bear attacks. I didn't realize how long it has been since I have heard his belly laugh.
Timmy was so enthusiastic about the tent that he managed to convince us to let him eat his dinner while camping. He relished snuggling into his little burrow with his "camping dinner," happily munching and talking to us through the mesh. I don't remember the last time I saw him eat so heartily.
I have a feeling that my creativity is going to be put to the test over the next few weeks. Until he is cleared to resume playgrounds and bouncy houses, I want to keep him stimulated and happy. This week we will focus on camping, but I'm open to ideas for the coming weeks.
After a long weekend, it is back to reality. Scott was home yesterday, allowing us to work together to get caught up on the housework that waited while we spent the weekend watching Robby's rock shows. Now the laundry is done and the house clean, ready for the busy week ahead.
Today I'm vowing to have a better day than I did on Friday. I hate to admit it, but I was not a very good mom on Friday. Never before have I had such a maternal meltdown and I hope that it doesn't happen again.
While we were playing downstairs, Timmy said "Momom watch this. I can make rainbow lines." Before I could stop him, he had proudly jumped on top of my cell phone. I quickly became enraged when I picked it up to discover the display screen was ruined. The glass wasn't cracked, but apparently he broke the liquid display inside.
I was furious because he should have known better, and because I said no and he proceeded. Logically I knew that he didn't mean to break my phone, and that he was simply trying to recreate the rainbow effect he had discovered earlier when he pressed the screen too hard. Even though his breaking the phone was not his intent, it was definitely the result.
Without thinking I herded him upstairs. Furious about my phone, instinctively I grabbed his roller skates and hurdled them off the deck into the woods. I didn't realize how far I could throw something! The skates almost flew into our neighbors yard.
Realizing that I was enraged, I sent him to his room where he stayed for two hours. During that time I fumed, cried and eventually calmed down. I walked into the woods, retrieved his skates and put them next to the door. He was scared when I went to let him out of his bedroom. I felt pangs of guilt when I saw the fear in his little eyes.
Timmy and I spent time talking about what happened and why I was angry. He knew that he should not have jumped on my phone. I feel badly about my strong reaction but I think it made an impact on Timmy. Maybe now he will listen to me when I tell him to stop?
Scott came home with a new cell phone, which was a wonderful surprise but not entirely unexpected. He has a way of taking care of technology when it breaks down, and he knows that I rely upon the cell phone throughout the day. His thoughtful gesture did a lot to diffuse the situation.
I am not proud of my explosion and I hope that I never experience that fury again. I felt like the worse mom in the world, despite Timmy's hugs and loving behavior throughout the rest of the day. I lost control. I am not one to yell, so hearing the volume of my voice even scared me!
Saturday we woke up to icy weather. Although we had no doubt that we would make the performance (after all, he was in the band), we knew that my family from Pennsylvania were snowed in. Although he was disappointed, Robby understood that his cheering section was going to be smaller than his friends. Sometimes living in Virginia when everybody else lives in Pennsylvania stinks! He video chatted with his Nana before we left, and he knew that she was rooting for him from afar.
To our sheer delight, we spotted my cousin Dan as soon as we drove into the parking lot. He, his wife Erin and all four of their kids braved the roads and drove nearly 3 hours to cheer on Robby. Robby was so excited to see them, and was absolutely amazed at the efforts they undertook simply to watch him play. Having a considerably larger cheering section, he felt more confident when he slipped on his guitar.
Robby's songs were a rousing success. Despite his nerves and stage
fright, he was able to put on a brave face when he took the stage. After
a few chords I could see his body begin to relax, and by the end of the
first song he was genuinely having fun.
By Sunday the roads had completely cleared, allowing both my Mom and my sister to drive down for his second gig. Although he was still nervous, he was more comfortable than he felt on Saturday. Nerves are good before a performance. Feeling petrified and nearly vomiting is not. Sunday we had nerves without the paralyzing fear.
After his show was over and when we were driving home, Robby started chatting about how much fun he had. He can't wait to do it again. Looks like I might have a budding rocker in our house!
Here are some links to watch two of his songs:
https://photos.app.goo.gl/S5e4NTXy72r5wtdV9
https://photos.app.goo.gl/jHy3TK18Wece29D67
This is a big weekend for our family. Robby has been taking guitar lessons for several months, and this Saturday he has his first performance. He is a bundle of excited and nervous energy right now, fretting about every detail and worried that he will make a mistake on stage. I would worry if his smiling and giddy demeanor were not also present to counter his nerves.
Unfortunately, performances in January are always risky. The weather is supposed to be unfavorable, which means that his little cheering section will be impacted. It is going to be hard for my Mom and sister to travel to Virginia to watch him. Thankfully we have Skype and plan to live stream his performance. They may not be there in person, but they will be able to experience his band virtually.
Initially only assigned to perform one song, Robby's dedication and increasing skill level has led to him playing a total of six songs. Each week he has come home, floating on Cloud 9 and eager to fill me in on every single detail. Weeks when he is assigned to a new song he is especially animated.
He has worked hard, has never missed a band meeting and has practiced religiously. I'm so proud of him. Although I know he is nervous, I also realize that he is going to do a great job. I can't wait to hear him play with his band!
For the past few weeks, Timmy has gleefully declared "today is the best day ever" when he wakes up. His little feet don't even touch the ground before he has decided that it is going to be an amazing day. He is happy and excited to embrace every opportunity he is sure the new day holds. I want to be like Timmy!
My little Timmy has every reason to be unhappy, yet his optimistic spirit continues to shine bright. I love his enthusiasm and his belief that everything is wonderful. He keeps me grounded and reminds me that happiness is simply more fun than being stressed and anxious.
I have been focusing on self-care over the past few weeks. While I'm not yet at Timmy's level for unabashed joy, I have been noticing some improvements in both my mood and outlook. Between the meditation and my gratitude journal, I am learning to pause and enjoy the moments.
I have a long way to go, but for the first time in over a year I feel like I'm on the right path.
I was delighted when both boys awoke yesterday feeling better. I was so worried that Robby was going to be sick for his band performances. Thankfully, the malaise from Monday was fleeting. Soon after they woke Timmy was zooming around the dining room on his roller skates while Robby busied himself with his VR and guitar.
Despite feeling better, I tried to keep both boys as calm and quiet as possible. The weather cooperated with my plan, providing us with a cool and rainy day. It wasn't hard to convince Timmy to stay inside to play when he saw the dreary sky.
Usually I would take Timmy to an indoor playground on days with yucky weather, encouraging him to play and expel energy. Unfortunately he can't be around other kids right now, so I am forced to turn my living room into a playground. Between the roller skates, his push bike and Hot Wheels, my living room is bustling with activity.
I will be so happy when flu season is over and I can take Timmy into public spaces without fear!
Yesterday was quiet. Neither boy was feeling fantastic, so they spent the day quietly working on school assignments (Robby) or playing with toys (Timmy.) I hate that they weren't feeling well, but I rather enjoyed a day without the need to do anything of importance.
While they were busy quietly working on their own activities, I was able to knock out some projects and clean the house. When that was done, I actually took time to relax. I became sucked into The Crown on Netflix and was happy to watch another episode in the middle of the afternoon. I know I'm behind the eight ball on discovering the series, but I always seem to be a step behind popular culture.
I'm hoping that the boys are feeling better and that yesterday was just a blip. Robby has his band performances this weekend and I hate to think that he might be sick. He has been working so hard and is excited to showcase his new skills on stage. Fingers crossed yesterday was just a little health hiccup and not the precursor to more significant issues.
