Trains Everywhere

My "fake it until you feel it" approach yesterday was successful. I felt angst ridden and sad in the morning, but forced myself to smile and be active.  By mid afternoon my fake smile became real, and I was laughing and giggling with Timmy.  We had a great day playing and jumping at the trampoline park. I guess all I really needed was to escape with my kids.

With Scott traveling and my juggling a lot of projects, this has been a stressful week. I'm looking forward to unwinding over the weekend, decompressing.  Looking around me right now, it is obvious that I should invest significant time decluttering the house.

I always feel better when things are put away and the place looks tidy. Right now it looks like a tornado went through the Island of Sodor in the middle of my living room.  Trains, tracks, figures and assorted plastic animals have transformed my living room into a minefield of sharp plastic. I know that someday I will miss the trains, but today is not that day!

Hibernating

Scott arrived home safely from his trip attending his cousin's funeral. He was both fatigued from the drive and relieved to be home. After the kids were tucked into bed he began to decompress about the experience. One of the saddest sights is watching a parent bury a child while simultaneously witnessing a child say goodbye to their parent. While I wish I could have attended to pay my respects and to support Scott, the selfish part of me is happy to have been tethered to the kids. I was frazzled, but I was spared witnessing the heartbreak. 

Hearing Scott recount the scene brought back a deluge of grief. Memories of other funerals began to flood my mind, bringing me to tears. I have managed to mask the voids left in my life, but the pain of the losses remain when I allow myself to reflect. Perhaps this is another benefit of my go-to coping mechanism, avoidance.

The descriptions of the services and the family left a deep impact. I'm feeling off today, both deflated and strangely panicked. I am fighting the urge to hide from the world, but my work obligations and kids won't allow me to hibernate. Instead I'm going to try to push through my mood and hope that happiness will emerge.  

Supporting the Turtles

Robby is counting down the days until he begins his Sea Turtle Internship. He has swapped his normal computer games and YouTube videos for turtle research and hatchling videos. Unfortunately the shirt that he designed for a fundraiser failed to reach the minimum for production, so it won't be made. Thank you to those who purchased the shirt to support Robby, and please know that your money will be returned through Custom Ink.  

Since the t-shirt fundraiser flopped, we are moving forward with the options provided through the host organization.  Robby is now selling Turtle Hatchling "names" and memberships to Sea Turtle Oversight Protection, the nonprofit that is hosting his internship. Turtle hatchling names start at $5, and all funds contributed will be used support turtle conservation efforts and the internship program.  

If you would like to support Robby with his internship, you can make an online donation here.  Please specify that you are sponsoring Robby Chenoweth for the Sea Turtle Internship in the comments on the donation field so that he receives credit. In order to receive your Hatchling Birth Certificate, I will need your email and the name you will bestow on the baby turtle.  You can contact me at amputeemommy@gmail.com with that information.  

As always, Robby (and I) appreciate your support!

Back to Routine

Today Scott is driving to Ohio to attend the funeral for his cousin. I wish I could go with him, but I know that our decision for me to stay home and keep the boys on their routines is for the best. Spring Break is finally over, and Robby will be resuming all of his extracurricular activities this week. With Scott being gone, the next few days are going to be busy.

With my bursa drained and my leg healed, I'm anxious to resume my normal activities. Although the boys drove me a tinge batty over Spring Break, I was able to rest my leg which was a relief. My limb has returned to normal and no longer hurts. I know that I still need to get a new socket, but I am confident that I'll be able to get by for another few weeks until all of the paperwork has been secured.  

Timmy has been anxious to go for a bike ride through our neighborhood. (He loves his balance bike and spends hours tooling around the house and up and down our street.) Weather permitting, I think I'll hop onto my bike and join him for a quick jaunt. I am so relieved to finally be pain-free!

No. Big. Bunny.

Compared to the hustle and bustle of other holidays, Easter has always been laid back. This year we didn't entertain or travel. Instead we stayed home, played outside and enjoyed a quiet dinner. With the exception of the morning excitement, courtesy of the Easter Bunny, our holiday felt like a normal Sunday. After a busy few days visiting with the Cousin Crew and my Mom, relaxed and quiet was just what we needed.

Timmy was not delighted with the prospect of the Easter Bunny visiting his house. Robby and I took him to the mall to visit the big rabbit on Saturday. I suspected that he wasn't going to be thrilled with sitting on his lap, but I didn't expect him to plant his feet and to begin screaming when he spied the Bunny perched on his throne from across the mall. It took several lollipops and his big brother sitting next to him for Timmy to agree to pose for a photo. He jumped off as soon as possible, refusing to look back as he pulled us out of the mall.  

Before tucking Timmy into bed on Saturday I took him outside to plant jellybeans.  He was ecstatic to be playing in dirt (again) happily planted a handful of beans in our front flower pots. As he was covering up the final bean I told him that they would grow into something special when the Easter Bunny visited. "No bunny" he said emphatically.  

"Yes Timmy. The Easter Bunny is going to visit our house tonight and leave treats. We are planting these jellybeans because Easter Magic will make them grow into lollipops." I thought that the lure of a lollipop might be enough to quell his fears of the Bunny, but I was wrong. Instead of agreeing, he frantically began to dig in the dirt with his hands to retrieve the beans. He then threw them into the yard with all his strength.

We went inside and I washed his hands before going to bed.  As I was tucking him into his little train bed, I kissed his forehead and said goodnight. Before I left he sat up, clutched the front of my shirt and pulled me down to his level. Staring me in the eye, he firmly and clearly said, "No Big Bunny!"  At that moment we decided to let go of the Easter Bunny. 

Timmy and Robby woke up to discover baskets of Easter treats, but we never mentioned the delivery method. I didn't want to traumatize Timmy by taunting him with the Easter Bunny. Maybe next year he will enjoy the traditions, but this year he certainly wasn't having any of it!