Slapped by Reality

Vacation is over and reality has slapped both Scott and me in the face. Almost as soon as we arrived home the bad news came at us like a tsunami wave. Both of us are feeling worn down and we have been home for less than one week.

Tragically, Scott's cousin passed away earlier this week. She leaves two school aged boys with whom she had a tight bond. The older boy is just a year older than Robby, and I cannot fathom the pain that her boys feeling. 

Shannon was a kind and sweet person who valiantly fought against cancer for nearly a decade. While her death was not a shock, it is just as tragic. There is a new void in the family, and we are all heartbroken with her passing.

I think all families go through seasons. There are years where the family welcomes new members through marriages and births. Those are happy years. 

I fear that we are in the midst of the season of loss, when the senior generation begins to pass away and younger members are tragically taken through illnesses or accident. Those are difficult and painful years as everybody learns to cope with a void in the family unit. The family is forever changed by the grief.

This will be his third family funeral in five months. Instead of happily unpacking from our trip and getting settled back into our routine, he is now packing to go to another funeral. All of the losses are wearing heavy on everybody, especially Scott.  

As I was helping Scott locate his funeral suit, I received a message that a cousin of my Dad's (and hence my cousin) was admitted to hospice. My brother, whom I love dearly, recently has relapsed and is again struggling with his addiction demons. I am feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and fear as I ponder the losses that may be on the horizon.  

Fumes or Fire

Just a few days ago I was lounging by the pool in the Florida sunshine. I felt relaxed and was experiencing no anxiety. My goodness that didn't last long!

I wish that the vacation vibe could last all year, but I suppose then it wouldn't be special. Feeling relaxed reminded me that I need to do a better job taking care of myself. Like so many women in this country, and probably around the world, I tend to take care of everybody else first. Timmy, Robby, Scott and my professional demands always take priority. Somehow, I had managed to convince myself that my needs were more whim than necessary.

Feeling completely relaxed and stress-free, I realized that I need to put myself higher on the priority hierarchy. I am a better person when I feel strong and healthy. When I'm worn down, everybody is only benefiting from my fumes instead of from my full fire.  

Of course realizing that I need to prioritize myself and actually doing it are two completely separate things. A huge lifestyle large lifestyle change will only stress me out, completely defeating the purpose. Instead I have decided to introduce one small habit into my routine. If successful, I'll add another in a few weeks. Hopefully these incremental changes will add up over time.  

I've decided that I am going to start by reintroducing meditation into my life. I was in the habit of meditating each evening and I felt that the practice was helping me center. When the boys became ill with the flu I became too tired to meditate. Slowly I just lost track of the habit and my meditation app hasn't been opened in months.  

Here's to reclaiming part of vacation Peggy!

More Travel

Apparently Scott and I were the only two in the family who were feeling travel weary. Robby was chomping at the bit to go to see the Cousin Crew almost as soon as we arrived back in Virginia. I was hoping that he had forgotten that last night was National Night Out, and that a huge community Block Party was being held near my Mom, but I had no such luck. Strange, the kid can't remember to take his dishes to the sink but he never forgets an event or party.

Yesterday afternoon I packed up the boys and drove back to PA. (Scott stayed home to mow our jungle-looking yard and to keep the kitties company.) I wasn't terribly keen on undertaking more travel, but the squeals of laughter throughout my Mom's house made the effort worthwhile. I love watching the bonds within the Cousin Crew, and I will do whatever I can to make sure that they are reunited whenever possible. 

Today we are heading to drive Go-Carts and to try to win some prizes at the arcade. A nearby town is hosting a small community carnival, so we will probably go there to snag some french fries and to play Bingo tonight. We might as well try to squeeze in a few more Summer 2018 memories before school starts back.

Back Home

After a long morning navigating through the airport and trying to keep Hamlet entertained on the plane, we finally arrived home. We had a great two weeks away but I know that everybody was happy to be home. Perhaps our kitties were happiest to have us back in VA. Both met us at the top of the stairs and have been cuddly at every opportunity. Our cat sitter did a great job, but I think Charlie and Kitty Kitty missed the activity of the boys throughout the day.

Robby is still recovering from his wonky internship schedule. For a week he worked throughout the night and into the wee hours of the morning. He is struggling to fall asleep at a normal time and is constantly tired (cranky). For the sake of everybody in his sleep deprived path, I hope his schedule normalizes soon!

Timmy was the only one who was not happy to be home. Instead of being excited to return to his house and toys, he became mad that he wasn't at the beach. (He was also tired from being woken at 4 so that we could catch our flight.) All night long he looked at me and said, "No home, more beach." Sorry kiddo, vacations can't last forever.

Today is our first full day back to reality, which for me means tackling the laundry and cleaning up around the house. It is shaping up to be another dreary day. After two weeks of sunshine and warm temperatures, I had almost forgotten how yucky our summer weather has been in Virginia. Hopefully the rain will stay along long enough to allow Scott to mow the grass. Our yard is beginning to look like a jungle.

By the time I get caught up from this vacation I will be in desperate need of another!

Headed Home

On Friday night I was able to redeem myself by participating in the Turtle Trek with Robby. Last summer I didn't feel physically strong enough to join Robby on the trek so I offered my spot to Scott. Although I know it was the right decision for me at the time, I have used my bailing as motivation to become more active and healthier. After a year of work, I finally had my redemption.  

Not only was I was able to hit the beach to watch the turtles hatching, but I was led through the experience by Robby. I know that I'm biased, but he did a fantastic time. I am in awe of the confidence that he demonstrated on the beach, leading me through the nests and explaining everything that I was seeing. He helped to pick up the little hatchlings when they went towards the city instead of the ocean. It was wonderful to witness my son in his element.  

On Saturday we picked him up from his Internship. He was physically exhausted but radiated excitement when recounting his experiences. The highlights were learning to handle the turtles, excavating a nest after it hatched and witnessing two turtles nest on the beach. He created memories for many lifetimes during the past week, and I'm sure that more stories will come out as the days go by.  

Robby and Scott went on one final fishing trip on Saturday night while I stayed in the room with Timmy. As soon as Hamlet fell asleep I began the dreaded chore of packing up to go home. We had such a great time away that it is hard to return to reality.  Alas, all good things must come to an end. Today we are heading to the airport in the wee hours of the morning to return home. We had a wonderful vacation, but I think we will all be happy to be home.