Pop-Up Show

After more than a month away from the grind this weekend we will return to the FlexyFriends pop-up circuit. We have been printing nonstop since the New Year in anticipation of our winter and spring shows, the first of which is tomorrow. We don't expect it to host Black Friday sized crowds (although that would be amazing), but we are optimistic that sales will be steady. 

Unlike other shows, tomorrow's event is only four hours long. I'm glad we are tip-toeing back into the hustle rather than immediately jumping into a three-day event.  My mind is still whirling from Scott's signing his retirement form and I need some time over the weekend to devise a plan for the next few months. If we are actually going to go forward with "the great plan," which is case because he signed his intent to retire form, we need to get moving on packing, selling, locating a new home and moving. All of these are supposed to be done by August. Looking at the stuff cluttering every corner of my home, I don't see that happening!

But before I even start to make a list or stress about selling FlexyFriends tomorrow I need to get through today. Robby has his enrichment classes, which means that I will spend several hours driving. The trips are long (only because of traffic) but I am learning to enjoy our time together. Next year he will be gone and I know that I will miss these opportunities.

Intent to Retire

 Yesterday was a big day in our family. After 30 years of teaching (in the same school), he signed his 'intent to retire' paper. He has been counting down and dreaming of retiring for years so seeing his signature on that paper should not have come as a shock. Yet when he handed me a copy for the scrapbook I found my hand shaking. What had been so abstract is now very real, and I'm not sure I'm ready!

I am so excited for him, but this change terrifies me. In the next few months everything is going to be flipped on its head. I'm really struggling to embrace the adventure side of this situation because my instinct is to hide under my covers. Overwhelmed does not even come close to explaining how I feel. In six months Robby will be gone and Scott will be home all the time. We will be in a different house, in a different state, leading different lives. It all feels so scary but I know that the end result is going to be wonderful for our family. 

With Scott's signature on the bottom of his intent paper a domino of paperwork and tasks has been started. I think this is going to be a 'keep your head down and just knock things off the list' mentality if I want to keep treading life through the next few months. Between navigating paperwork for college and for retirement, I am in uncharted territory.

Lost Friend

I woke up feeling good and excited for the day. After slurping down some coffee while walking Friend I came inside to check my email and social profiles. My heart sank when I read of the suicide of an amputee friend. Although I did not know her personally I have been trying to support and mentor her since her amputation nearly four years ago. The news of her suicide left me feeling gutted.

Logically I know that I am not responsible, but I cannot help but reflect and wonder if I should have done things differently. I knew that she was struggling a few months ago but everything seemed to have calmed down. She recently received a new prosthesis and my last messages with her were positive. 

But obviously everything wasn't okay because now she is gone. Her daughters are left without their mother and a husband is left mourning his wife. I don't understand the depths of despair that she must have been feeling to take such a drastic and catastrophic step. My heart is breaking. I feel guilty even though I know I didn't do anything wrong. 

I just don't understand.

Ready?

 Another dreary and rainy weekend has come and gone. If it had been 20 degrees colder we would be playing in mountains of snow this morning. Unfortunately it was nearly 50 degrees so instead we are navigating a minefield of worms on our road and driveway. It may be the end of January, but it feels like Spring.

With both boys being ill last week my days felt chaotic and wonky. I probably should have spent the weekend decluttering and packing. Instead I ended up binging The Sopranos while doing nothing of consequence. I am waking up feeling relaxed but a tad behind the eight ball. 

Today everybody will return to school and our schedules will resume. This is the beginning of Robby's final semester in high school. Just writing that causes me to pause. I can't believe he is graduating in mere months!  

I'm not ready for this...