Science Fair

 It is a big day in our house, and for the first time in a long time it has nothing to do with health! After working and planning for weeks, today Timmy will present his science fair project. He is extraordinarily proud of his topic, Uranium Glass, because it is both unique and heavily influenced by his big brother. (On a side note, everybody should be as fortunate as Robby to be perpetually viewed as a hero by at least one person in their life.)

As soon as the science fair concludes we will be officially celebrating Memorial Day weekend. Unfortunately this year we won't be traveling to visit my mom. I haven't been able to go to the local craft fair with her for several years and I was really hoping to go this time. But Scott isn't cleared to travel and he can't be alone, so we're going to settle in for the weekend. 

Don't worry though- I have some plans.

:)

 

Still Adjusting

 Adjusting to life as a cardiac family is difficult yet, in many ways, the emotions remind me of the summer of my amputation. Scott and I were both scared, frustrated and lost in our own ways. This summer those same emotions are again rising, but it is more difficult because our kids are involved. Watching them struggle to accept and adjust to life after their Dad's heart attack has been really hard.

Robby continues to blame himself for his dad's coronary event. While he understands that his dad suffers from coronary artery disease, the timing of the heart attack remains most unfortunate. I don't think it will matter how many times I tell Robby that it was not his fault, I fear he will always harbor a little guilt. (Scott's heart attack began as he was moving Robby out of the dormitory for the summer.)

While Timmy does not assume any guilt, which is good, he seems to have trouble accepting the changes within his dad. Until Scott completes cardiac rehab, there are a lot of restrictions on activities. There could be restrictions after rehab as well, but I keep trying to push that worry can down the road. Robby and I are trying to fill the void, but it is not easy!

 I've been so lucky that my leg has cooperated throughout this ordeal. The past two days have greeted us with heavy rains and cooler air. I woke up this morning and my leg is angry and does not want to be confined in a prosthesis.  I think today will be one for the couch and crutches.

 

Birthday Recap

 My birthday was both laid back and quiet, both of which our family needed as we continue to heal from Scott's heart attack. The weather was gorgeous so I made a reservation for us to all go strawberry picking. Timmy was especially excited to return to the farm, albeit a completely different farm, to resume a familiar and comforting tradition. Witnessing his excitement to pick strawberries showed me that I need to provide more familiar experiences for him during this summer. His world has also been turned upside down and I think he is finding comfort through familiarity. 

We had a great time at the strawberry farm which looked and felt very familiar to our old family stomping grounds. I'm going to check into the prices for their CSA and playpasses. If affordable, I think may be a fantastic option for our family, especially Timmy, this summer. We are going to be rather tethered to WV and I'm trying to find local activities that will spark joy.

In the meantime, we need to get through the rest of this school year. Timmy has two weeks left and then he is officially done. After some drama about school for next year, his teachers have worked tirelessly to create their won school based upon the current technology being used. In other words, despite the fears of the school closing, Timmy's education will continue without pause. Talk about a relief!

 

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

 Today is my birthday.  Traditionally I love my birthday as I I aist upon being doted upon by everybody in my family.  For a single day of the year I aspire to avoid preparing dinners, lunches or breakfasts.  (Well, in an ideal world I would love to opt out entirely from all adult responsibilities, but it never really happens.)

This year the anticipation of my birthday has only brought tears.  Our family is healing and is still too traumatized from the heart attack and scared of the future to enjoy a birthday, especially mine. 

50 has not been kind to us.  I want to hide from 51.