Waiting?

 I was asked about the status of my prosthesis and my plans for acquiring a new leg.  Right now my device is manageable. Is it broken? Yes. It squeaks and clicks but I have learned how to pad the mechanism to mask the sound. I know that I need a new one, but I also recognize the time commitment that will require.

In order to obtain a completely comfortable new prosthesis, I am going to need to go to at least four appointments. One with a medical doctor to confirm that I am still an amputee, and at least three to the prosthetist to mold, fit and tweak the socket. It is going to take several afternoons and I don't have the time right now.

I am hoping that my leg can hold out until June. School is over the first week in June and I will have the entire summer to get the fit perfect. At this point, although my foot is technically broken, I'm still comfortable and mobile. I do so much walking everyday that I simply don't want to risk my existing comfort. 

Of course this plan could switch in a moment. Hopefully the device will wait until June, because it is the most convenient. Unfortunately, convenience and amputee life are not synonymous.  

Foil

 Robby spent the weekend working on an essay detailing a time he overcame a stressful situation. I was not surprised that he chose to share his Dad's heart attack in his writing. Although logically Robby knows that the event was not his fault, the timing fits a different narrative. He continues to blame himself because his Dad was helping him move heavy boxes from the third floor of his dormitory. 

I read Robby's essay and I could see my little boy processing his pain and fears. As the months have passed and we have adjusted to our new normal as a cardiac family, I had assumed that Robby had fully processed and boxed his misguided guilt. Obviously I was wrong, and I feel like I have failed him.

Scott read the essay and became despondent that his heart attack negatively impacted his son. While I understand his perspective, I have to admit that my threshold for mollycoddling on that particular issue is low. The reality is that I have been the foil for every 'personal' essay that the boys have ever written. The 'my amputee mom taught me' is an easy prompt that both have fully explored through their directed writings. This is the first time that I have not been the topic, which honestly feels refreshing.

I hope Robby will allow me to share his essay.   

MLK Jr.

 Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Typically it is designated as a day to volunteer and to give back to the community. Instead, today I will join my friends in the streets at a friendly, peaceful, protected protest. I can't imagine spending the day anywhere else.

After a short week back at school Robby came home for the weekend. He is planning on staying for the next few weekends, so this will be his last visit for awhile. I thoroughly enjoyed having him home and helping him get organized for the new semester. His courses sound so interesting I wish I could return to college!

Unfortunately, Robby's visit has caused Timmy's jealousy to go into overdrive. I suppose he rather enjoyed his taste of being the 'only child' for a few days. While I will miss Robby when he returns to the dorm, I don't think I can say the same for his little brother. I know that Timmy will miss him, it will just take awhile.