White Flag Weekend

I am officially waving the white flag and surrendering to the overwhelming fatigue, mild forgetfulness and overall ickyness that I have been experiencing as the result of increase in my medication. I realize that these side effects are temporary, so I am left with no choice but to try to ride it out. Thankfully the weekend has arrived, and I plan on carving out ample opportunities for rest. As far as I can tell, the only thing on tap for this weekend is the Superbowl and, other than the snacks and halftime show, I could care less about the game. Based upon the cupcake selection at the grocery store, I think both teams wear blue; my factoids are expended with that little tidbit. 

My medication was increased on Wednesday, but Thursday morning I was already feeling the impact. I felt like the roadrunner who had been hit with the Coyote's anvil. After taking Mr. Bill to the doctor in the morning and trying to get some work done, I finally gave up and laid down. I woke up two hours later, startled by the sound of my own snoring. 

Today my schedule is light, something for which I am grateful! I have to go see Elliot in the morning for a combination of work and patient issues. My new socket fits great, but now my foot is clicking with each step. I find it annoying when I'm at home and mildly embarrassing when I am in public. I'm hoping that it is an easy fix because I'm tired of announcing myself each time I walk into a room. Talk about drawing undo attention!

Once the clicking has been addressed and Robby has been picked up from school, I plan on promptly changing into my pajamas. At this point, I have no intention of changing into real clothes until Monday morning when I drop Robby back off at school. I'm hoping that time and plenty of rest will both work to help my body adjust to this new medication.

Another Snow Day...

It would certainly be an understatement to say that I was shocked to receive the 5 AM "school is cancelled" telephone call yesterday morning. I watched the news on Tuesday night and fully bought into the confidence exuded by our local weather team. They promised that we had no snow forecast for our region. I believed them.  It turns out that we were both wrong.

We didn't have a lot of snow, but apparently the flurries took everybody by surprise. None of the roads were pre-treated allowing every flake to firmly stick to the roads. By the time the sun rose, the snow event was over leaving a half inch of pretty flakes and scores of happy school children (and teachers) in its wake. 

Both boys were elated with the cancellation of school. Robby quickly dubbed it, "It's a miracle no school have fun and play Xbox in your jammies snow day." After devouring a plate of bacon and pancakes, he set out on his mission of achieving XBox bliss. He was a happy little koopa!

Both Robby and Scott spent the day lounging around the house, basking in the delight of an unexpected day off. I was frequently chastised for being on the computer and not enjoying the snow day. The fact that I work from home and that my obligations were not voided because of snow seemed to be irrelevant.  After all, they had a fun day and expected that I would follow suit.  I'm hopeful that they will eventually come to realize that I am working even though I am home, but I'm not overly optimistic that the revelation will occur anytime soon.

Both boys will return to school today, and I am going to try (again) to get back on schedule. I know that they both love snow days, but this Mom (and wife) desperately needs a break.  If the weatherman leads me astray again and there is another snow day soon, I fear that somebody is going to end up sleeping in the tree house.  I can guarantee it won't be me!

Adventures at the OB/GYN

After a difficult weekend, Monday morning I finally went to my much anticipated OB/GYN appointment. Before I proceed, I must say that going to this doctor ranks only slightly higher than getting a root canal without Novocaine or a colonoscopy without anesthesia on my list of preferred activities. Although I despise going, I realize that the visits are a necessary part of being pregnant.  Of course, that doesn't stop me from complaining.

Sitting in the waiting room, it became obvious that I am not the only woman who dreads the "lady exam." The chairs were full of women of all ages, shuffling in their seats and absent-mindedly paging through antiquated copies of People and  US. Nobody made eye contact and the only sounds in the room were the ringing telephone and the turning of pages.  Finally, after waiting 30 minutes past my appointment time, my lucky number was called, and I was invited into the coveted examination room.

Being called into the exam room, especially after a lengthy wait, always provides me with a misguided sense of relief as if I had hit the lottery. I eagerly anticipate the opening of the door.  I should know better. The exam room typically only equates to another wait, just with fewer (and older) magazines and limited opportunities for people watching.

Although I couldn't see anybody, I inadvertently realized that the thin walls allowed ample opportunity for eavesdropping. Waiting for my appointment, I overheard the following conversation which occurred in the examination room adjoining mine. 

Doctor:  "Do you have any questions for me?"

Patient:  "Um. Just one. Is there anyway you can change this due date?"

Doctor: "Well, based upon your examination and the information you provided, that is our best guess of when the baby will be born. We'll be able to adjust as the baby grows."

Patient:  "You don't understand. My boyfriend has been away for six months. If I tell him I'm three months pregnant, he might start to ask me questions."

silence

Doctor:  "The date can't be changed that much.  Please take this form to the front desk and we'll see you in a month."

Who would have thought that I'd be privy to just a juicy soap opera tale. I was both intrigued and disgusted simultaneously. My mind began to conjure scenarios and lurid details. Just as I was feeling doubtful about the future of humanity,  the baby kicked and I was reminded that not everybody is doomed.

Finally, after another 20 minutes of waiting (as you can imagine I was becoming annoyed), the doctor decided to grace me with her presence. The examination went as well as I predicted, and I was quickly re-wrapped in my paper gown for the post speculum chat. She asked if I was feeling especially hormonal. Without thought, I blurted  "I don't feel like I'm hormonal, but I have become acutely aware that I am surrounded by an inordinate number of assholes."

The look on her face was priceless! I can't be certain, but I'm fairly sure I heard a chuckle from the occupant of the room next door. Apparently thin walls work in both directions. The doctor ordered additional blood work (to test for hormone levels) and sent me out the door. I left satisfied with the knowledge that I don't have to return for another four weeks and comfortable that I was able to provide another patient with some comic relief during her lengthy wait.

Talking Smack

Although we've exposed him to a variety of sports, Robby has been insistent that he is a hockey player. There is no doubt that he has worked hard to achieve this goal. He began skating nearly two years ago and, although it took him over a year to progress to qualify for the hockey lessons, he remained dedicated to the sport. If his hard work wasn't proof enough that he wanted to play hockey, the smile that shines on his face every time he takes the ice is certain enough confirmation.  When he pads up, puts on his blades, and grabs his stick, he is a happy little boy!

Throughout the past year Robby has progressed through the various hockey levels. We are currently in Hockey 4, which is the final class before he is assigned to a team. He works on fundamentals, drills and (his favorite) scrimmaging with other groups. While he isn't the best skater in his class, I agree with his coach when he says that he has yet to find a student who will try harder than Robby. He never gives up, he works hard, and he takes all of the instruction he receives to heart.

Last week Robby's coach set up a scrimmage among the players. Before they began, Coach Mike took the opportunity to motivate his young players. Apparently at some point during the pep talk he referenced the importance of keeping "smack talk" respectful and friendly. Robby, not knowing what he meant by "smack talk" asked for clarification. Coach Mike told him that talking "smack" meant saying something to the opponent to throw them off their game or to cause them to become distracted but stressed the rule remaining both respectful and nice.  After reviewing all of the rules and roles, the squad was divided and the little game began.

As a Mom, it is so much fun watching my child play the sport he adores. Although he was on the other side of the rink, I could see the determination on his face every time he gained control of the puck. I appreciate that his coach works hard to put the emphasis on teamwork and skills instead of winning. There is going to be plenty of opportunities for competition, I'm glad that right now he can just focus on learning and having fun.

Okay, even though I am stressing the "having fun and learning" aspects of hockey, part of me was elated when I saw Robby glide across the ice with the puck. As he approached the goalie, my heart began to beat faster and I felt a surge of adrenaline. I did refrain from throwing my arms up in victory while  screaming "Way to go Robby, show them how it's done" when he shot the puck right past the goalie into the net. (I don't promise I will always be so restrained.)

I could tell by the look on his face that Robby was as proud of himself as we were of him. At the end of the scrimmage he triumphantly skated to the side of the rink where he verbally recounted every detail of his goal. I only wish he hadn't described his victory so loudly. 

"Momom, did you see me get that goal? I got the puck and just skated super fast. When I got close to the goalie I talked smack just like Coach Mike said. Do you want to know what I said? (He never paused for my answer.) I told that kid hey look over there, I can see your Mom's privates. He looked, and I shot the puck right in." 

Yet again, I was rendered speechless as I heard Robby's boastful tale. The Dad who was helping his kid suit up for the next class just started belly laughing. Obviously, like everything else, Robby took the "talking smack" instructions to heart. He came up with something that wasn't rude or disrespectful, yet was certainly distracting. 

Invisible

I am so glad that this weekend is over and I am looking forward to trying to get back to a semblance of a schedule. I'm really hoping that returning to some version of normalcy, or as close as I can come to achieving such a thing, will help to lift me out of the funk which plagued me over the past few days.

I felt so overwhelmed and sad this weekend that  I spent more time wiping tears from my eyes than doing anything productive. No matter what I did, from trying to write to taking Robby to a movie, I couldn't shake the sense that everything was spiraling out of control. I wanted to just pack up and run away. Then I became even depressed when I realized that I had no where I could go! 

I realize that much of this emotional turmoil can be attributed to the various hormone surges occurring throughout my body. Between the pregnancy and pituitary clusters, I am ripe for a hormonal catastrophe. Of course, knowing the culprit doesn't ease the feelings which I was experiencing, but it did help to keep me somewhat centered during my emotional breakdown.

Between family issues, work responsibilities, and my health and hormonal issues, I finally succumbed to the stress and anxiety. It is not easy for me to show weakness, but sometimes allowing the time to grieve, wallow or feel the emotions is the only cure. I guess I just didn't expect the release to be so profound or for it to remain so long. 

When I sense weakness encroaching, I typically respond by withdrawing. I justify this reaction by reminding myself that nobody likes to be around somebody who is crying constantly and feeling blue. Rather than subject my friends to my dark emotions, I would rather be by myself.  Unfortunately, being solitary does not help the feelings of isolation that comes from thinking that nobody is really invested. Simply put, I threw myself into a tornado of self-doubt, anxiety and isolation which proceeded to spin out of control over the past 48 hours. 

Today Scott and Robby will go to work, and I will have a chance to return to the sanctuary of my schedule. I have work projects to finish and a doctors appointment scheduled. I'm confident that my thyroid medication will be adjusted (again) but optimistic that this will help ease some of my emotional issues.  I'm going to be busy, but in this situation it is probably a good thing. I've wallowed enough, and I know that I need to snap out of it. I've purged all the negative this weekend, so it is time to start focusing on the positives!