September Woes

Despite the miserable weather, we had a fantastic summer.  As August draws to a close and I prepare to turn the calendar to September, I find myself feeling nostalgic and sad. The return to the school year routine always finds me feeling a mixture of opposing emotions. I'm thankful for a comfortable routine, but depressed that the excitement and energy of having everybody at home during the summer is over. 

This emotional quagmire is nothing new. I have been struggling with the transition from August to September for as long as I can remember. Even as a young child I dreaded and resented Labor Day. I found it nearly impossible to understand why anybody could be jubilant and happy during what felt like a sad and somber holiday.

The transition to September is always depressing, but this year I'm also feeling a lot of anxiety. I'm worried about Robby's school and already fretting about how to help him be successful. I'm also feeling overwhelmed by my exceptionally busy travel schedule during the next few weeks. I am going to be away from home for work at least twelve days during the next month. Considering that I typically only travel two or three times a year for work, this schedule is heavy by my standards.

My first trip begins with my traveling to San Francisco next week. I'm approaching the trip with mixed emotions. While the timing is less than ideal because of the return to school chaos, I'm excited about my current professional projects. Since I can't do anything to about the timing of the trip I'm working to put my anxiety to the side and trying to enjoy the moment. Perhaps focusing moment by moment is my key to surviving all of September.

Repair Anxiety

Today the repairman is scheduled to return to our house to repair our fridge. Even though we were all tired and grumpy from the oppressive heatwave, last night's family activity was purging and cleaning. It took us over an hour to get rid of the expired food, half eaten tubs of dip and lone pickles that had been hiding in the recesses of our fridge.  Our freezer was littered with single hot dogs and assorted veggies that had somehow escaped their packaging. Between the freezer and the refrigerator, we filled three giant trash bags.  

After the food was relocated to either the trash can or the refrigerator and freezers downstairs, we turned our efforts to cleaning. Well, I turned my attention to cleaning. The boys retreated to the bedroom as soon as the last frozen pizza was put away. I was disgusted by the gunk that had accumulated on the shelves and within the bins!

I'll be glad when the repair is complete. The loud humming coming from the motor has been driving me batty. I feel like I am being taunted by the constant reminder that it is broken. Silence will surely be golden when everything is fixed.

Even though I'm looking forward to the repair being completed and my kitchen returning to its normal state of clutter and chaos, I am not looking forward to hosting the repairman today. I hate having people in the house when I am home alone. (The fact that Timmy is also home offers little solace.) Whenever somebody unknown is in the house I feel uneasy and paranoid.

The fact that I am an amputee definitely contributes to my uneasiness. If somebody wanted to hurt me, I worry that I'm an easy target. Even though I am strong and have taken self-defense courses, I can't help but feel vulnerable by my prosthesis.  

I hate feeling this way.

Sad Sign

The For Sale sign is posted in front of Bill's house. Every time I look out my window, I feel washed with sadness. I am going to miss my dear friend. To add further heartache, I know that my boys are going to miss their adopted grandfather. 

Robby and Timmy don't know life without having Mr. Bill watching from across the street. He has fixed fishing poles, mended bicycle tires and encouraged peeing on trees. He has guided Robby through school projects and has been a wealth of information for reports. It is hard to imagine the neighborhood without him.

After much internal debate, Bill has decided to move because he can no longer maintain his yard to his high standards. I suggested that he stay and simply lower his standards or hire somebody to help him care for the property, but I quickly realized that he was not grappling for reasons to stay. He wants to move because he is tired of taking care of the house and wants a simpler life. My offering suggestions was only making the situation more difficult.  

Instead of trying to fix the situation, I have come to the conclusion that the best way to handle the move is to support Bill. He is changing his entire life, and I know that he is both scared and confused. As much as I want him to stay, he needs to do what is best for him. Change is hard for everybody, regardless of age.  

Part of me is hoping that his house doesn't sell and that his desire to leave fades. But I also know that my wishes are selfish, and that Bill needs to move on if that is what he wants to do. So I will cherish the remaining time that we will share as neighbors and help him in anyway possible with this transition. Outside I will be strong and caring, but inside my heart will be breaking.

Sidelined

For one more day my limb health has stymied my plans. I was hoping to spend yesterday tidying up around the house, working through the laundry and playing outside with Timmy. Instead I ended up on the couch, watching The Polar Express while icing my limb. I hate the vulnerability that I feel whenever I have a prosthetic issue! 

Timmy is now old enough to understand when I need to take it easy and rest, which makes the situation easier. Instead of continuing to run around and throwing tantrums because he can't play outside, his whole demeanor changes when he sees me hobbling around. Now he tries to kiss my boo boos, brings me cups of water and snuggles up next to me to watch his favorite movie. I hate that he has to adjust his schedule because of my issues, but I love the compassion that he is demonstrating.

Hopefully taking another day off and resting has allowed me to heal enough to hobble through today without issue. The sore is now completely closed, and the swelling has gone down considerably. I will still take it easy, but I'm going to try to push myself a little bit today. 

I'm tired of being slowed by my prosthetic issues.  I'm bored of sitting on the couch, and looking around there is so much that needs to be done I'm feeling frustrated. I should also admit that as much as I love Christmas, I might lose my mind if I have to watch the Polar Express again today!

Farm Fun

The weather was ideal on Saturday, so we decided to take full advantage of the rain respite by going to the farm. Although we had a lot of back-to-school errands to finish, we decided that it would be more fun to play in the sun. We figured we could tackle all of our errands on Sunday when the weather was supposed to be more humid.  Timmy had a fantastic time playing on all of the structures and riding the cow train. The farm is definitely Hamlet's happy place. He has been going there since he was a baby and roams the grounds like a boss.

While Timmy was busy playing, Robby immersed himself in fishing. He was able to pull several large fish from the pond before losing his last hook to a large snapping turtle. Disappointed that his fishing adventure was cut short, he packed up his gear and dedicated the rest of his afternoon to playing with his little brother. (In many ways the farm is magical because both boys get along without scrapping.)

Our plans of tackling our errands on Sunday became complicated when I removed my prosthesis on Saturday night to discover a large sore behind my knee. I didn't feel any pain during the day, but the discomfort increased as the evening wore on. By the time the sun went down, I had my limb wrapped in a cool towel and was feeling worn out on the couch.  It was not a fun way to finish off an otherwise great day.

Sunday my leg still hurt but wearing my prosthesis was manageable.  In an ideal world I would have gone the entire day without donning my prosthesis. But I live in reality, not in the real world.   I did try to minimize the amount of time I wore my leg so that the sore could heal quickly.  I really hate how a small sore can turn well laid plans upside down!