About Me

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I am a below knee amputee. More importantly, I am also Mommy to two boys, a very active 10 year old (Robby) and an mischievous toddler (Timmy). I have learned that being a parent with a disability can create some unusual and sometimes humorous situations. This blogger is available for hire! Let's talk and learn how a blog can expand your business.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

I absolutely adore Thanksgiving. Our entire family converges at my Mom's house, which has been a tradition for nearly 25 years. Helping my Mom prep and cook is another tradition, as is the last minute scurrying to stash and hide everything before the "company" arrives.

I love my cousins and although I don't get to see them often, it is always wonderful when we are together.  Soon her house will be filled with both laughter of adults and adults, the air will smell like a mixture of turkey and potatoes and her floor will be strewn with ad circulars as well all work on our plan of attack for Black Friday shopping. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Plan B Adventure

Well, our pre-Thanksgiving adventure, which I had been meticulously planning for months, was sidelined. Yesterday morning Robby woke up complaining of a sore throat. As soon as he vomited I decided to it was time to call time of death on our hotel adventure.  I am grateful that the Gaylord took mercy on me and refunded my nonrefundable deposit. Thank you Gaylord of National Harbor!

By mid morning Robby began to feel better. Although he wasn't recovered enough to resume my planned adventure, I decided to switch into plan B. I found an ice house, bought ten pounds of dry ice and let the kids freeze and smash stuff all afternoon.

From grapes and tomatoes to paper towels and eggs, the Cousin Crew froze everything and anything in sight. They were entertained with the dry ice all day and into the evening. My Mom's back porch looks like a grocery store imploded with defrosted food remnants splattered everywhere. 

In the evening we decided to pack up the Cousin Crew (Timmy included) to see Santa. With the support of his big cousins, Timmy tolerated sitting close to the big guy. He refused to speak to him and buried his head into my niece's shoulder whenever Santa looked in his direction, but we managed to snap a great picture of all the cousins together. 

After visiting Santa the big kids went to paint pottery (a favorite activity at the mall) while I took Timmy to Build-A-Bear. We finished the kids changed into their matching pajamas and played  a rousing game of Truth or Dare for Kids. While my original adventure was put on the back burner, the kids still had a fantastic day together. 

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Adventure Time

Thanksgiving week ranks among one of my favorites. Per tradition, the kids and I arrived at my Mom's yesterday for a week of preparation and fun. The "Cousin Crew" were ecstatic to be reunited. I love watching them all play and laugh together!

Today I am taking the Cousins on a pre-holiday adventure. None of them know it, but as soon as they eat breakfast I'm piling them into the car and we are going to National Harbor. My niece has been wanting to see ICE, an interactive ice sculpture exhibit, and today seems like the perfect day to check it off her list. 

There is more to the surprise, but out of fear that my little technology enabled niece and nephews read the blog this morning for clues, I'll withhold the information.  Stay tuned!

Monday, November 20, 2017

The Polar Express!!

We had an amazing family weekend adventure. Both boys were well behaved, healthy and happy enjoying the time together.  I made a special effort to ensure that we were participating in at least one activity tailored to each kid in the hopes of making everybody happy. I think I succeeded!

Saturday we spent the afternoon at the Baltimore Aquarium. Robby loves the aquarium and is particularly fond of Calypso, the amputee sea turtle. The only time Timmy has been to the aquarium was during infancy, so this was his first true exposure to Robby's wonderland. He was absolutely mesmerized. I suspect that we will be putting our Family Membership to heavy use throughout the coming year. 

Saturday night we stayed in the city. Staying in a hotel is always a treat, especially when you are a kid. Both boys were excited about our big city sleepover and were well behaved in the hotel room. (I'm sure our neighbors appreciated their efforts.) 

Sunday morning we ate breakfast and returned to the Aquarium for a few hours before heading to the Polar Express. We spent the morning visiting all of the turtles and fish in the Australia exhibit. Timmy seemed particularly intrigued by the dragon lizards flanking the aquarium tanks. I was quick to remind everybody that we were not welcoming a reptile into our family!

Soon it was time for us to head to the train station. Although we had been talking about riding the Polar Express, I don't think Timmy comprehended the activity until he saw the trains. As soon as he approached the impressive steam engines his excitement became palpable and contagious. 

Timmy was engrossed throughout the Polar Express adventure. He was particularly delighted with receiving his own "golden ticket" and having it punched by the Conductor. He smiled from ear-to-ear throughout the "Hot Chocolate" dance and giggled when the Hobo ran through the train car. From his perspective, the entire train experience was simply magical.

Except for Santa. While he embraced every part of the experience, he melted down when he spotted Santa at the train station. He threw himself on the ground, turning his back to the Jolly Red Elf, and began to scream.

Unfortunately train stations are not particularly clean and his clean and specially ordered Polar Express shirt was covered with grease and dirt for the duration.  Sigh. Oh well. He was clean in the morning, and that should count for something.

Despite the intrusion of Santa on our train, we had a fantastic time on the Polar Express. Robby even embraced the spirit of the story and happily played along with the fun. What a great way for us to kick off the holiday season!

Friday, November 17, 2017

Pre-Thanksgiving Weekend Adventure

I have been looking forward to this weekend for months. I'm so excited that the weekend circled in red is finally here! I feel like a little kid on Christmas eve, just giddy with anticipation and excitement. Only this time I am not expecting toys; instead I'm looking forward to an epic family adventure with all my boys.

It has been a long time since our family went on an adventure. With our Pumpkinville outing sidelined by a car accident a few weeks ago, we are long overdue for some family fun time.  Thankfully Momom did some research and planning in the summer, and we have an awesome adventure planned for this weekend.  

Tomorrow we are packing up and heading to Baltimore.  Robby is excited about going to the aquarium (and The Cheesecake Factory.)  I know that Timmy will be amazed by the beautiful and unusual fish swimming all around him. He is at an age where everything is magical and I can't wait to see his reactions as he experiences the aquarium for the first time.  

While at the aquarium we are going to see the 4-D version of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.  Robby and I experienced a 4-D movie a few years ago, and I have to admit it was the coolest movie experience of my life. I'm looking forward to everybody's reaction to being fully immersed in the show. Hopefully Timmy will be enthralled and not terrified.

We're staying overnight in Baltimore because Sunday morning we have tickets to the North Pole (Well, as Robby points out we aren't really going to the North Pole but we are pretending because it is more fun.) While the destination may be pretend, the fact that we are going on the Polar Express is an experience that is sure to impress.  With Timmy's enthusiasm for the movie (it is streaming non-stop in our living room) I can't wait to see his face when we board the train and the movie comes to life before his eyes.  

Stay tuned for photos of our pre-Thanksgiving Family Adventure!

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Removing the Individual Mandate

I have reached the point of political saturation, but when an issue arises that would be detrimental to the limb loss community, taking a break is not an option.  The Senate has slipped a change to healthcare into the tax bill. If passed, the individual mandate would be eliminated from the Affordable Care Act.

The CBO has already rated the implications of removing the individual mandate.  Individuals, usually those who are healthy and young, will forgo health coverage to save money. Removing the low risk individuals from the insurance pools causes a drastic shift and increases the insurance risk. The CBO estimates that premiums will rise another 10% over the next 10 years if the individual mandate is removed. An estimated 13 million people will join the ranks of the uninsured.

I am among the first to agree that the Affordable Care Act is flawed. The premiums are outrageously expensive, and people are struggling to pay for purely mediocre coverage. But I also feel that it not appropriate to slip a change into a tax bill.  The public deserves fair and transparent debates on all issues related to our health. Our healthcare and access to insurance is simply too important to shield transparency.

Late last night Dave and I recorded a podcast dissecting the implications of removing the individual mandate on the limb loss community.  Please listen, and act if you are so inclined.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Broken Knuckle

Robby has been proud of the fact that he has never broken a bone.  While his cousins and friends have all sported casts, his bones have remained intact. Unfortunately his eleven year no broken bone streak has come to a screeching halt. Monday night he broke his knuckle.

What my little Koopa lacks in athletic prowess he makes up for with wit and enthusiasm. Sports has never been his forte. Even as a toddler he was studious instead of adventurous. He isn't out of shape, but he just doesn't particularly enjoy sports. In an effort to encourage socialization and out of a desire to broaden his horizons, I signed him up for an after school class at a local gym. The class is geared for tweens who "spend more time gaming than they do playing outside." 

The non-competitive gym class transforms the video games that the kids love into physical activities and Robby loves every moment. He looks forward to going to the gym twice a week to reenact games and to play with his new friends. He comes out of the gym covered with sweat and grinning from ear-to-ear. I have to admit, I'm surprised (and delighted) that he has taken to it so strongly. 

When he came out of the gym on Monday I immediately knew that something was wrong. He was grimacing instead of smiling and holding his hand in an awkward position. He was passing a medicine ball to a teammate when intercepted and thrown back to him. Instead of hitting his hands the weighted ball slammed into his finger tips on his right hand. His fingers were swollen and starting to turn purple.

Assuming that his fingers were just stubbed, we iced his hand and gave him some Tylenol. He complained about the pain, but in all honesty we didn't heavily weight his lamenting. He doesn't have a lot of experience with injuries, so Scott and I just figured that he was unfamiliar with the pain severity scale. 

Dismissing his complaints has definitely removed us from contention for parents of the year! Yesterday morning his hand was purple and his knuckle was deformed. I packed him up and took him to Urgent Care for an x-ray. It turns out that his Mom diagnosed "stubbed finger" was actually a completely broken knuckle. He is in a splint for at least four weeks and today we have an appointment with a hand specialist.  

Robby is still hurting and is upset that he has to wear a splint. He is worried about not being able to work on his art and is fretting over how he is going to wipe his bum. (Apparently the fact that he also writes with the hand is completely inconsequential and irrelevant.) Please send him good thoughts for a quick recovery!

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Nighttime Stirrings

Despite the occasional uninvited slithering intruder and the destructive falling nuts, we love our little house in the woods. After stressful days of dealing with people and traffic, we enjoy hibernating from the world. Although we have experienced frustrations with some neighbors, we have always felt safe in our home.  Yesterday my false sense of security was shattered.

Sunday night the home behind us was burglarized. Two individuals broke a window and ransacked the living quarters while the family was sleeping upstairs. The brazen action of robbing a home while occupied is difficult to fathom. The family, which includes small children, were incredibly lucky that they were not physically harmed by the intruders. I cannot even imagine the horror they experienced when they woke to discover the violation that occurred overnight. 

The police came to our house last night to inform us about the break in and to see if we had seen anything unusual. We were encouraged to keep our doors locked and our window shades drawn until the burglars are apprehended. Sitting in the living room last night I felt incredibly vulnerable and scared. Suddenly the tranquility and quiet that we had previously enjoyed feels like a lure for danger. I resent feeling scared in my own home!

While trying to sleep last night I was astounded by all of the suspicious sounding noises that naturally occur in and around our house. Between the nocturnal parties hosted by our wildlife friends and the wind, our leaves were constantly rattling outside. The cats apparently transform our hallway into a feline sized track when we turn out the lights for the night. They took turns running laps, vaulting over toys like Olympians clearing hurdles.

Scott's snoring sounds like somebody trying to turn a doorknob.  Timmy's nightlight aquarium sounds like somebody tapping on glass. Robby whispers in his sleep.

Apparently the saying "not a creature was stirring" does not apply to our family.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Slowing Down

This weekend was quiet and calm, which was precisely what I needed to fully recover from the persistent ear infections. I am starting this week feeling better and stronger than I have in over a month. My ear is healed and my body is recovering from the strong antibiotics that were needed to knock out the infections. For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself again.

With the exception of running a few errands, we spent the weekend at home. The wood stove was going nonstop, keeping the living room toasty warm. We streamed Polar Express (seemingly nonstop) while Timmy happily played with his trains and army men. Robby worked on assorted art projects and played computer games. Scott watched movies and football games while I was able to get some work done, relax and take a few much needed naps.  

Even though I have a mountain of housework I only made a minimal effort to maintain. Typically my relaxation efforts are thwarted by my worrying and fretting about everything that I should be doing. For some reason, this weekend my self-imposed guilt was not an issue. I was able to relax with the boys and never gave a thought to using my time for more productive purposes. 

It isn't easy for me to slow down, but I'm glad that I spent the weekend just lounging and relaxing. The next few weeks are going to be busy and this was probably my last opportunity to completely unwind. Soon we will be completely in holiday mode, and our schedule will become seasonally chaotic. At least now I'm starting the chaos season feeling up to par and ready for the challenge.  

Friday, November 10, 2017

Walking Day Celebration

Scott and I are not big on anniversary celebrations. Typically our wedding anniversary is acknowledged with a hug and nice dinner at home, but never with presents or grandiose displays. It has just never been important to either of us to make a big deal out of the day we exchanged vows. It isn't that our wedding isn't a special memory, but setting yearly expectations for remembering the occasion has never been our style.

While we may downplay our wedding anniversary, there is one occasion that we both opt to celebrate each year because this date changed both of our lives in a more profound way than simply our exchanging vows. On November 11, 2013, I took my first steps as an amputee. It was an event that redefined our lives and marked the beginning of a new and wonderful chapter of our lives.

It is hard to believe that it has been 14 years since I took those first tentative steps. I remember the day with such clarity that it feels like it could have happened last week. I felt an overwhelming pressure that the prosthetic fitting had to be successful. I had fought so hard, and endured so much, that the possibility of another obstacle felt insurmountable. Slipping into the socket I remember hoping and wishing that the leg would fit and that I would be able to walk.

The first steps felt foreign, but I was encouraged by both Scott and Elliot (my prosthetist) to continue.  Within minutes I was tooling around the office without crutches. It was liberating to have my arms untethered from the metal poles that had been my mobility for the past five years. Looking at the video it is obvious that my gait was awkward, but at the time I felt like I was strutting on a runway.

Tomorrow Scott and I will celebrate my Walking Day. We will watch the video and reminisce about our journey. I may even break my diet and indulge in a celebratory cupcake.  After all, it is my Walking Day!

Thursday, November 09, 2017

Icky again

I really should know better than to make family plans. Yesterday we intended to carry on our tradition by celebrating my Dad's birthday with dinner at Chili's.  Timmy woke up coughing and with a fever, sidelining our dinner plans. So much for tradition!

Instead of going out to eat we opted for leftovers at home. It turns out that I was okay staying home and forgoing a celebration. I don't know, but I'm beginning to feel that maybe it is time for some new traditions. Perhaps enough time has passed and I no longer need to plan to honor my Dad on special occasions. Changing our plans did not bother me as much as I anticipated, but maybe that is because I was extraordinarily busy taking care of a sick and persnickety toddler.

Timmy felt icky all day. He wasn't sick enough to stay still, but was uncomfortable enough to be irritable and miserable. He tried to play but quickly became frustrated. I spent the majority of my day consoling and distracting. I'm hoping that he is feeling better today; I hate seeing him feeling bad.

I always worry when I hear the all-too-familiar cough coming from Timmy's bedroom. He was so sick last winter and I worry that his autoimmune issues are kicking up. I just want him to be as healthy as he is mischievous. Unfortunately he just isn't as physically strong as he projects and is quickly knocked down by relatively mundane viruses. Hopefully this time he is strong enough to kick this cold out of his system for good!  

In the meantime I'll be making more chicken soup and battening down the hatches for another difficult day. I am in "prepare for the worst and hope for the best" mode. His beloved trains are arranged, Polar Express is geared up and all of his comfort toys are within reach. I'm hoping that he is feeling better and won't be struggling today, but if he is, I'll be ready to cuddle and love on him until he is stronger. I'll do my best to not take his grumpy demeanor personally. 

Wednesday, November 08, 2017

Wave of Grief

Today is my Dad's birthday. The day feels uncomfortable because I'm still not sure how I am supposed to act or think. If my Dad were still living, he would be probably be in Texas with his wife. I would call and text him to wish him a Happy Birthday but that is typically as far as the celebration extended. Logically I don't think I should miss my Dad any more or any less today because I wouldn't traditionally be spending a lot of time with him to celebrate his birthday. Yet the fact that I can't call him on his special day, even if it was usually only a short conversation, reminds me of his absence.  

I've tried to fight the emotions, but it is probably healthier if I just surrender to the fact that I miss my Dad today. I wish that I could call him and sing Happy Birthday. I wish that I could text him photos of the boys so that he could see their adventures as they grow and learn. I wish that I could talk to him about my professional crossroads and seek his guidance. I wish I could hear him laugh one more time. Today my wishes are hurting more than normal, and I blame it on the date on the calendar.  

I'm going to do my best to stay busy. I really don't want to break down in front of Timmy, and I don't know that crying will help me feel better. Grief wafts and wanes, and today hurts a little more than normal. I have learned that today I just need to hold on and ride the wave of emotions. 

It has become a tradition for our little family to eat at Chili's on my Dad's birthday. He frequently took Robby there when he lived in the area, and he developed a strong association between Candy Papaw and the restaurant. When Scott comes home from work we will go out to eat, share stories about my Dad and toast to a life well lived and deeply missed. 

Tuesday, November 07, 2017

Rolling the Dice

Scott and I rolled the dice by not adding rental coverage to our car insurance policy. We figured that we hadn't been in an accident in years, and that if we needed a rental car we would simply pay out of pocket. We figured it out and we are still financially ahead by refusing the coverage, but that fact is doing little to take the sting out of the bill for the rental car. At this point I just want our SUV to be repaired so I can put the accident completely behind us. Driving a rental is a daily reminder that everything has not yet returned to normal.

Yesterday morning I dropped Robby at school, and Timmy and I headed to Fairfax for an appointment. Everything was going well and despite missing the HOV plates from the SUV, I was making great time. All of a sudden the dash started to light up and alarms started to ding. Having an auto malfunction in a car in which you are familiar is upsetting at best. When it happens in a vehicle which still feels foreign, it is nothing short of frightening.  After determining that I was being alerted to a low pressure in a back tire, I slowed my speed and opted to monitor the situation. 

Apparently that was a mistake. The tire pressure began to lower quicker than I anticipated. Within minutes nearly all of the air had been leaked and I was forced to pull over on the side of RT 66, a congested thoroughfare in the metro DC area.  I am proud of my calm demeanor as I quickly called AAA to request roadside assistance. After I called for help, my panic began to set.

I can easily count the number of friends whose journey to limb loss started by being stranded on the side of an interstate. I knew enough to stay in the car until help arrived, but the wait felt like it took an eternity. The cars were whizzing by, shaking the car as they passed. Timmy, frightened by the sounds and upset by the fact that we were no longer moving, began to fret and cry. I did my best to soothe him by passing back lollipops and singing songs.  

Even though it felt like much longer, AAA arrived fairly quickly. The tire was changed and I was escorted back to the rental agency. It was at the counter that I my roadside malfunction turned into a double whammy of insults. I was informed that I am obligated to pay for a new tire for the rental car. Apparently it was spelled out in the minuscule print of the contract that I  signed when I secured the rental.

I'm frustrated, but I don't think I have any recourse. We will have to pay for a new tire and chalk this up to another lesson learned.  This minor accident is quickly becoming a major expense. 

Monday, November 06, 2017

No Pant Weekend

Another week is starting with news of a mass shooting. Each time I hear of another incident, my heart breaks. I am so fearful about the future that lies ahead for my boys. Our society has to get a handle on all of this raw emotion and the all too commonplace action of violence. When does it stop?

After each shooting I console myself with the affirmation that now things will finally begin to change. I declare that this will be the last time so many people needlessly die simply because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am coming to accept that I am only placating myself, and that change is not imminent. Because I don't know what to do to spark a societal change, I'm just going to continue hugging my boys a little tighter and trying to make the world a little better each day.  

This weekend was relaxing and calm. The weather was dreary so we weren't able to play outside. Instead Timmy entertained himself playing with his trains with The Polar Express playing on a loop on our living room television. Robby played video games with friends (via internet) and Scott watched sports. As I predicted, neither Scott or Robby felt compelled to put on pants until last night when they went out for a "Bro dinner." 

My ear still hurts but the pain is lessening. I'm worried because my current course of antibiotics will be over soon, and I'm worried the infection has not been eradicated. I suspect that I am in for a recurrence and another round of medicine, and I'm not thrilled about either! 

At this point I just want to be healthy. This ear infection has been going on for over a month now, and I'm done with it! Hopefully I'm wrong and the final few days of antibiotics will work magic, completely annihilating this pesky infection. Fingers crossed!

Friday, November 03, 2017


Slowly but surely my ear is beginning to heal. The pain is nagging but the intensity has definitely diminished over the past few days. I'm tired of feeling ill and run down and I'm antsy to feel energetic and happy again. Hopefully this weekend will bring continued healing and I'll be better by the beginning of the week. After nearly a month, I am completely over this ear infection!

Other than Trunk or Treat on Sunday (rescheduled from last weekend due to the weather) we don't have a lot of plans for the weekend. I'm sure that I'll fill the time, but right now a few days with nothing on the schedule and no obligations feels like a vacation. If only I could convince the boys that it would be fun to stay home and watch cartoons all day.  Robby could probably be convinced to stay home (if we allowed him to play on the computer) but Timmy would be a much harder sell.  He is Mr. Activity and full of energy. I'm sure I'll find something to keep him occupied and to thwart his destructive boredom.

Robby's schedule keeps us so busy that he is happy to lounge and relax all weekend. If we didn't insist he would probably forgo wearing pants from Friday evening until Monday morning. He has gone from not being involved in many extracurricular activities to having a full calendar. We have talked about cutting back but he thoroughly enjoys everything so much I hate to force him to choose. So for now I'll just resign to being a chauffeur in the evenings. I suppose one benefit of being forced to drive a rental this week lies in the miles that were not logged on my car.  

I am not looking for any great adventures. Instead I'm hoping for a weekend without an accident, and with improved health. The absence of drama and the lack of pain would be wonderful!

Thursday, November 02, 2017

Ear Frustrations

This ear infection is really starting to wear me down. I am not feeling as bad as I did on Monday, but the nagging pain and infection is starting to take a toll on my energy and mood. I am trying to be patient with myself, to allow myself an opportunity to fully heal and recover.  Patience with myself has never been a strength. 

Yesterday I struggled to keep up with Timmy, who was a bundle of energy. I am frustrated that I am not completely able to enjoy our playtime. I keep waiting for my ear to feel better, but the improvement is so incremental that it is infuriating.  Instead of happily playing with my little guy I found myself looking at the clock, waiting for Scott to come home so I could take a break. 

Today will be another day of taking it easy, taking my medication and drinking a lot of fluids. Hopefully another day of rest will help knock this infection out of my ear for good.  I'm tired of feeling sick!

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

Halloween Fun!

Despite his aversion to costumes, Timmy threw himself into the Halloween spirit. He initially resisted putting on his puppy dog costume, but as soon as he saw his brother and daddy changing, he quickly followed suit.  Sometimes peer pressure works to a parent's advantage!  He will do just about anything if he thinks his brother is participating. Robby still doesn't realize the influence he holds over his little brother. Heaven help us when he figures it out.

Since Scott and Robby always traverse the neighborhood on the scooter to cover more ground, they decided to continue the tradition of dressing in coordinating costumes. The pair dressed as Plague Doctors (Robby's choice.) Bundled up with a long cloak and gloves, they were prepared for the cool air as they scooted through the streets. Timmy and I went as a puppy dog and the dog walker. (Last night was the one occasion where I didn't catch scowls for walking my toddler on a leash.) I must admit that he was perhaps the cutest little puppy I've ever seen.

Timmy had a unique spin on Trick-or-Treating. It started with choosing the pumpkin basket. He was insistent that he take the pumpkin filled with play-do, which was supposed to be put outside in case we received trick-or-treaters. Eager to get moving, we decided to let him take the play-do pumpkin and swapped out lollipops for our giveaway. After posing for pictures, Scott and Robby hopped onto the scooter and took off in search of a big candy score.  Timmy sat in his wagon and was content to be pulled through the neighborhood.

With a pumpkin full of treat sized play-do containers, he happily rang each door bell and patiently waited for it to be answered. When somebody opened the door he would smile and say "more treat please." At which point the neighbor would inevitably respond by asking him if he was a puppy dog. Timmy then lifted up his hood to show his face and said, "me, Timmy." He then put his dog hat back onto his head and pointed out that the moon was shining brightly in the night sky. (It turns out that the moon was quite a novelty, probably because he is usually fast asleep by the time it gets dark.)  Before carefully selecting a piece of candy he handed the neighbor a jar of play-do. As much as I tried to convince him otherwise, he seemed confident that he needed to trade play-do for a treat. 

All of the neighbors tried to return the play-do, but my cute little puppy was insistent that they keep it. With the trade completed, he would wave bye bye, bark and we left for the next house.

We managed to avoid a struggle and he put on his costume willingly. Today the next struggle begins, although this one will be a more difficult hurdle to overcome. I am going to do my best to resist the mounds of chocolatey gooey goodness covering my kitchen counter. I'd like to hold onto the Halloween memories, but I don't need them attached to my bum!

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Typically I love Halloween, but this year I'm not feeling the spooky spirit. My ear infection has returned with a vengeance, forcing me to return to my doctor. I have now begin my third round of antibiotics and I'm still feeling lousy. 

Alas, Moms don't get sick days, and the celebration must go on. Tonight I will have two trick-or-treaters hitting the neighborhood in their annual trek for candy. Robby has been counting down since September and is perfectly giddy about his costume. Timmy has been far more when it comes to costume selection. So far he has refused every option while continually proclaiming that he will go as "me, Timmy." Hopefully he'll acquiesce and agree to wear the positively adorable costume I selected. Maybe seeing his brother in costume will help spur him into the holiday spirit.

Check back tomorrow for this year's costumes!

Monday, October 30, 2017


We were looking forward to spending Friday at Pumpkinville, playing and enjoying the beautiful fall weather.  With cool weather and a bright yellow sun shining, along with Robby and Scott both off school, it felt like the stars had aligned for us to have a wonderful day.  This school year has not been easy for Scott, making it difficult for me as well by proxy, and we were looking forward to a day of family fun.  It felt like a day of disconnecting from technology was exactly what we needed to reconnect and reboot. 

Our plans completely blew up during our drive to breakfast. In the IHOP parking lot we were in an accident. Everybody is fine although we were all quite shaken by the experience. After the accident we all decided to just go home. Nobody felt like having fun anymore.

Our SUV has seen better days and will be going into the auto body shop today. With over 200,000 miles logged already, I'm hoping that the insurance company doesn't decide to just total our vehicle. I am expecting a phone call today or tomorrow with the verdict, so fingers crossed!

Even though nobody was hurt, the accident continues to haunt me. I keep replaying the scenario, reliving the collision each time I remember. I know that cars can be replaced and that I need to focus on the positive, but my anxiety has been thrown into overdrive by the event. When I focus on the positive that nobody was injured, I immediately become panicked as I consider what could have happened. We were so incredibly lucky, and that realization also completely terrorizes me.  

The next few days I know that I will continue to be reminded by the accident. Even as the soreness in my back continues to lessen I'll be forced to recount the incident through conversations with insurance adjusters. I'm sure that my muscles will spasm again every time I retell the incident, and I have no doubt that it will spark more panic attacks when I am driving.  I'll be glad when the car is out of the shop, the insurance situation is settled and I can begin to compartmentalize the incident as something that happened in the past.  

Friday, October 27, 2017

Off to Pumpkinville (again)

Oh my goodness this has been a long week. The trip to New York certainly through me off schedule, and I've been playing catch up ever since I returned. I'm looking forward to a few days of a more relaxed schedule so I can try to get back on track. I feel like I've been spinning my wheels just to stay afloat.

Today will not be resting but instead we will be playing. Scott and Robby are enjoying their first official vacation day of the school year. On one hand it is hard to believe that the school year is 25% over, but at the same time it feels like an eternity since the first day of school.  We are desperately overdue for a family fun day and we plan on making the most of today. I think we are all in need of a day untethered from technology and the stresses of life.

After an IHOP breakfast we will be headed to Pumpkinville. Robby has been eager to go for weeks, and Timmy will be excited by proxy.  Because we have a yearly pass Timmy and I have already been to Pumpkinville this year. Even though it won't be new to him, I'm sure Timmy will relish the opportunity to play with his brother and Daddy at the autumnal extravaganza. After all, there is nothing better than playing outside with his big brother.

Tonight Robby has a costume Halloween party, another event he has been looking forward to for weeks. After spending the afternoon playing outside and going to a party tonight I expect he will sleep well. If only his brother would follow his lead!

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Squeaky Procrastination

After weeks of hearing incessant squeaking, I finally made the trip to Elliot. I had wanted to go earlier but the kids' schedules became out of control and I just couldn't fit the visit in between my chauffeur duties. (Side note: I love that Robby is becoming involved in activities but my goodness the management and execution of the schedules is exhausting!) The squeaking finally broke me down and forced me to rearrange my morning so that I could get it fixed.

Unfortunately the squeaky source was not the spectra sock. It turns out that the sound seems to be coming from the carbon fiber footplate. Elliot couldn't fix the issue so my foot is en route to the manufacturer. I am wearing a loaner and should have a replacement in a few days. The inconveniences of appointments and the vulnerability of device breakdown are both frustrations that I hate about being an amputee. When I'm forced to ferry to and from the prosthetist office for adjustments, repairs and replacements I begin to envy those who do not have to live with these issues. 

Of course, biological body parts also encounter issues so I am trying to count my blessings that my fix is more of an inconvenience than an obstacle. At least my foot issue is easy to remedy and is pain free. I will be forced to change schedules again so that I can pick up my new foot when it arrives, but looking at the bright side at least I am receiving a replacement without a battle.  

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

"The Bar"

Robby has developed a strong interest in and appreciation for art. Over the summer he happily explored all of the art galleries on the boardwalk, carefully critiquing and choosing just the right pieces as souvenirs.  When given the option he has been reading biographies of artists and spends his free time drawing and painting.

In an effort to encourage and to develop his interests, we have signed him up for an after school art program. One day a week we drive from his school to the art studio where he receives both individual and small group instruction from a talented (and ultra patient) art teacher. The teacher guides the small class through creating a new piece while focusing on a new medium and art form each week. He is learning about different types of art, art history and practicing methods. Art days have quickly risen to his favorite and he anticipates going each week. 

Yesterday during art they were focusing on refining basic drawing techniques. Robby practiced shading and learned how to draw various shapes using three dimension illusions. When he was done with his projects, the teacher instructed each student to create an illustration showing an activity that they enjoy with friends.

When I went to pick him up from class Robby he proudly showed me all of the class illustrations that were pinned to the wall. One student drew a soccer field. Another drew a few kids riding bicycles. A tween girl drew a baking scene. My kid drew a bar. 

Ugh! Of everything that he could have depicted! I tried to explain the drawing to his teacher, who was quasi wide-eyed and tentatively nodding as I rambled a justification. I knew that his illustration was not exactly what was interpreted, but I felt like I was just digging a hole as I tried to explain the backstory.

Robby and his cousins spent a lot of time together over the summer. One of their favorite activities became staying up all night long playing poker. My Mom bought them poker visors and chips. I suppose it is important to point out that no real money was ever exchanged and, in reality, they are playing Black Jack and not poker.

The cousins transformed my Mom's sun room into the nighttime Kid's Bar, where they spent hours each night playing cards and giggling. They drank milk out of shot glasses and assorted stemware, laughing and pretending to be metropolitan. They all loved hanging out in "their bar" and often shunned adults because we were overage. 

Robby's bar illustration was exactly what the teacher requested: his favorite activity to share with friends. Unfortunately many of the nuances were not conveyed through his drawing and to the unknowing eye it looks like he enjoys hanging out at the bar and drinking with buddies. Even though I tried to offer the explanation, it is a difficult bell to unring.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Quick Trip

Whew!  Yesterday was a whirlwind. I woke up before dawn and left for the train station.  By the time the sun was rising I was well on my way to New York with hoards of other commuters. With my computer in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other, I was ready to tackle the city.

I don't know why I failed to anticipate the train being crowded when I envisioned the trip. For some reason I imagined spreading out, using quick wifi and relaxing during the three hours of solitude. My reality was far less glamorous as I was crammed against a window after abandoning all attempts at doing anything productive on the weak and intermittent wifi signal.  I didn't get as much work done as I had hoped, but I did enjoy delving into a good book which is a luxury I haven't enjoyed in a long time.

My meeting in New York was productive and well worth the time and monetary investment to attend. After two quick hours I was packing up my computer and heading back to the train station. The train ride home was not nearly as crowded. I probably could have logged onto the internet signal but my mind was frazzled and I just wanted to relax and regroup.

I may not have finished my work projects, but I did become lost in a wonderful novel so my travel time was put to good use.  Today I'll head home and the next few days will be playing catch up but it is all worth it!

Monday, October 23, 2017

New York Bound

Another week is beginning, and my schedule is already feeling overwhelming. Today I'm waking up in Pennsylvania, where I am catching a predawn train for New York City. After an important lunch meeting (wish me luck) I'll hop on the afternoon train back to my Mom's. I'm investing six hours on a train and five hours of driving time into today's meeting. Hopefully it will be worth it!

Even though the day will be exhausting, I'm looking forward to the time on the train. It isn't often that I have several dedicated hours of quiet time, with nobody to entertain. I'm planning on using the time to finish some looming projects and to (dare I wish) get ahead.  Hopefully the internet on the train cooperates with my plans. 

While I'm in New York, my Mom will be playing with Timmy. I am so thankful that she is willing and able to help me when I need backup. I am sure that the pair will have a wonderful day at the park, and I have no doubt that they will both be tuckered out by the time my train pulls back into the station tonight. 

Friday, October 20, 2017

DC wrap-up

Yesterday was important, but it did not start out on a positive note. I had completely underestimated rush hour traffic to the metro station. What normally should have taken twenty minutes ended up taking ninety.  By the time I arrived at the train station I was flustered and running late. I abhor being late!

I used the quick metro ride to recenter myself. Using some newly mastered meditation breathing techniques I was able to calm my nerves and release the "I'm late" frustrations. When we rolled into the metro station I was feeling strong and ready for the event.

The purpose of the press event was to unveil and discuss the importance of a new study focused on access to prosthetic care. The researchers were able to quantify the benefits of patients receiving prosthetic devices. Although it feels like common sense logic, the study will certainly help to bolster the legislative and insurance initiatives focused on providing prosthetic devices to the community.

After the researchers presented their findings, I was invited to the podium to share my prosthetic story. In a way my purpose for speaking was to humanize prosthetic benefits for the audience. Unscripted (I was initially told I was only needed to answer questions) I spoke from the heart and relayed my story.

Here is a video of the entire event.  I encourage you to watch the entire presentation, but I start at minute 33.  Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Headed to DC!

Last week I was contacted about attending a press event to help increase awareness about the access to prosthetics. I immediately accepted the invitation without thinking about who was going to watch Timmy in my absence. It wasn't until I hung up the phone that I began to panic about daycare. I knew that it was important for me to attend, and I didn't want to risk losing the invitation while I secured Timmy care so I took a leap of faith that I would figure it out. 

Thankfully Scott, who supports all of my advocacy efforts, was able to take the day off of work without difficulty.  He hasn't missed any days this year and was in need of a mental health day, so my needing back up turned out to be the perfect excuse to take personal leave. He and Timmy are going to play outside, go to lunch and probably visit the train section of the toy store while I'm in DC. I'm sure that they will both have a great day. 

Despite Robby's pleas, his schedule will remain unchanged today. He tried to convince us that he needed to stay home to "help" his Daddy take care of Timmy. While I applaud his efforts, he was vetoed. He's going to school regardless of who is home with his brother.  

While Scott and Timmy are busy playing and Robby is in school, I'll be in DC trying to bring a voice to the issues impacting so many in the limb loss community. I'm both nervous and excited about this opportunity. Hopefully I will represent well!  Please wish me luck, and I'll report back tomorrow.  

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Farm Fun

With the exception of the damn hickory nuts and the shock of putting on an ice cold liner in the morning, I am loving the cooler temperatures. Yesterday Timmy and I spent the entire day at the farm, playing and exploring. He was nonstop energy, running between activities and relishing my undivided attention. Getting up early to work is difficult, especially when I'm warm in bed and tired, but the payoff of being able to play without distractions makes it worth the sacrifice. When the weather forces us inside again I'm sure I can go back to a more normal work schedule, but for now I'm going to try to stick to getting up early. 

At the farm yesterday I noticed that it was easier to keep up with Timmy. I've been working out every school day (with the exception of my sick days) and I think I can finally tell a difference. The scale is dipping, but more importantly my stamina is increasing. I love being able to play, run and jump without becoming winded and wishing for a break. I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I am on the path to becoming the type of mom that my kids deserve.   

Not only do I have more energy, but my leg is fitting better. I no longer have to stop every few steps to readjust my socket, and the pesky sores that have been omnipresent for the past two years are slowly fading away. At this point I no longer care what the scale says because the increased energy and a better fitting prosthesis make the effort worthwhile.  

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Fun Day Play Day

Timmy and I had a fantastic Monday. It didn't start strong with my being awoken at 4 by my little cherub faced alarm clock. Even though I was miserable pulling myself out of bed and putting on my ice cold liner (welcome to cooler temperatures), I made the decision to make the best of the situation. While Timmy happily played with his trains and watched Mickey Mouse on television, I pulled out my computer and began to work. By the time Scott was leaving for school, I had knocked just about everything off my to-do list, freeing me up to play for the rest of the day.

After we dropped Robby at school, Timmy and I headed to an indoor playground. He ran, climbed, swung and jumped for almost three hours. He squealed with laughter playing with new friends and I found myself giggling along when I joined the fun. By the time we were ready to leave, we were both sweaty, winded and smiling from ear to ear. 

We came home for lunch, to rest for a bit and for me to get a little bit more work done. After a few hours we were ready to go pick up Robby from school to ferry him to the gym for his "gamer's fitness" class.  While Robby was playing at the gym, Timmy and I decided to make the most of the gorgeous weather by spending the hour at the park.

I love days when I can completely disconnect, unwind and just have fun with Timmy. I know all too well that he will be grown up before I am ready, and I need to make the most of these opportunities. I don't like getting up early, but in this case the payoff was worth the sacrifice. I am going to try to use my morning times productively so I can have more free time to explore and play with my kids. It's good for them, and it is most certainly good for me as well!

Monday, October 16, 2017

Squeaking and Slides

After more than a week of batting the family virus between people, I am hoping that we have finally eradicated it for good. Timmy's fever broke Saturday morning, and he has quickly rebounded and has been full of energy.  My ear is no longer painful and the ringing is becoming more of a nuisance reminder instead of the nagging frustration from last week.  Robby spent the weekend without a fever and Scott has still not been impacted by the family plague. 

With Timmy feeling stronger and chomping at the bit to release some energy, yesterday afternoon I took Timmy on some errands. As we were driving I noticed a pumpkin stand on the side of the road. The farmers set up a variety of moon bounce houses and slides, enticing anybody with young kids off the main road and into their parking lot.  With Timmy feeling well and the sky a beautiful blue, I couldn't think of a reason to say no so I turned the car around so that we could play for a few hours. He was ecstatic with his good fortune!

He jumped, ran and slid for nearly two hours. I was astounded that a little boy who had been so sick last week was now so strong and healthy. He went up and down the ginormous inflatable slide a total of 48 times. That's a lot of climbing for little legs! By the time we were ready to leave he was a sweaty, red faced and dirty mess. He was also smiling from ear-to-ear as he fell asleep in his car seat during the quick drive home.  

I didn't go down the slide with him, but I did enjoy some time in the bounce houses and on the jump pad. When there weren't many kids around I joined him to jump and play, bailing from the structure as soon as others arrived. I didn't bounce nearly as much as him, but I was both winded and sweaty by the end of our impromptu roadside adventure.  

Unfortunately I think I did something to my prosthetic foot when I was jumping because now I squeak with every step. It isn't a squeak from the foot shell, which has happened before and is a relatively easy fix. I took my leg apart and I can't stop the sound. In fact, I think my attempts might have made the squeak louder.

Last night I was walking through the hallway and I saw the cat across the room, with her tail straight up and preparing to pounce. I thought she was going after a bug. It wasn't until I felt her jumping into my socket that I realized she was stalking my squeaky foot.(Thank goodness for my carbon fiber socket because I was spared from the claws.) She either thinks my foot is a mouse or a toy. Either way when the cat starts to attack the sound, it is time to get it fixed!

Friday, October 13, 2017

Sick Timmy

It seems that the family virus has now stopped on Timmy. He was playing happily throughout the morning and afternoon but suddenly stopped and asked me to leave the playground. He fell sound asleep during the drive home, and when I carried him into the house I noticed that he felt warm. He spent the remainder of the afternoon and evening on the couch, sleeping and hot from a fever.

I worry more about Timmy's ability to fight off and to rebound from an infection.  Whereas Robby tends to bounce back quickly, Timmy has a hard time fighting back when he becomes sick. His immune system is still not as strong as it should be for his age. He tends to become sick quicker and suffer more severe symptoms which last longer than they would in a "typical" child. 

His high fever coupled with his lethargic affect worried us so I slept in his room last night. It is too generous to describe our activity as sleeping though because neither of us rested well.  Today, and probably much of the weekend, will be spent pushing liquids and cuddling on the couch. I feel so helpless when he is sick!

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Drop-In Play

Even though my ear was ouchy and I wasn't feeling my best, I could tell that Timmy was in desperate need for an outlet for his boundless energy. Instead of using my somewhat limited energy reserves being a playmate, I decided that it was the perfect occasion to cash in a Groupon I've been saving. (I had been saving the Groupon for an emergency and I figured my being sick and desperate for a break met the self-imposed qualifications.) So after dropping Robby off at school, Timmy and I headed to drop-in preschool.  

Because Timmy isn't officially enrolled in the preschool program, I was required to stay nearby which was actually my preference because I don't like leaving him with strangers. Even though he was in a new situation he melded in with the class quickly. After a few weary minutes he was busy playing, climbing and jumping with his new friends. I was glad that I was expected to stay because I was able to hear his peels of belly laughs and giggles as he chased his new playmates around the "garage." 

Before I knew it Timmy was playing tag, bouncing basketballs and riding a balance bike. He mounted the bike and took off with a confidence that led the teacher to believe that he has one at home. She was even more impressed when she learned that he had never before been on a bike. I guess Santa has something to add to his list because he certainly enjoyed tooling around the room.
He had a fantastic time playing with the young classmates, and I was able to sit back and watch him having fun. This Groupon paid for itself in spades, and we will definitely take advantage of this program in the future. The playmates and stimulation are good for him, and the break is most definitely good for me!

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Ruptured ear drum

Earlier this week I wrote that I was feeling better. It seems that I was overly optimistic with my declaration of health. Yesterday my ear pain returned, prompting another visit to the doctor.  My left ear is now clear and healthy, but my right ear drum has ruptured. Ouch! No wonder it hurts so intensely.

I am frustrated by the nagging discomfort, and aggravated that I don't have more energy. I realize that in the grand scheme of things my issues are minor, but that knowledge does little to stop the nearly constant ear pain I've been experiencing. Appreciating that I am not in a more precarious health situation does not negate the way that I am feeling right now, and at this moment I feel sick.

I am on a stronger round of antibiotics coupled with a new type of ear drop. Between the medication and time, soon I will again be on the mend. In the meantime I'm nursing an ear ache while feeling sorry for myself. I figured I am entitled to a mini pity-party, even if I am the only guest invited.  

Tuesday, October 10, 2017


I love the crisp autumn air, lounging around the fire pit during the evening and playing in the leaves with the boys. After the sweltering heat of summer, the shorter days and cooler temperatures are a welcome change. The Fall leaves in Virginia are gorgeous and leave me feeling upbeat and invigorated.  

Of course, the season is not without its own perils. In my neighborhood, Fall also heralds hickory nut season. In case you are not familiar with these hazardous projectiles, hickory nuts are encased in a hard pod when they fall. They can grow to the size of ping pong balls, and fall from heights of 60-80 feet. Our hickory trees are fully loaded and are ready to drop an air assault at the slightest breeze. Let me assure you from experience, hickory nuts hurt when they hit you. 
We have a wonderful yard, but right now it is simply too dangerous to play outside. I worry that Timmy would be injured if a nut fell on his head, so we run to the car and escape to the park when we want to play outside. Unfortunately running across a driveway littered with nuts while wearing a prosthesis and carrying a toddler presents its own issues. I feel like I'm navigating a mine field while trying to dodge a bombardment.  

Hickory nuts not only keep us inside, but they pose a danger to anything in their path. Over the weekend we left the car parked in the driveway. We woke up on Sunday to discover that a nut had pelted the back window, shattering the glass. Sigh. That was an expensive nut!

I love Fall, but I could definitely do without the nuts. Between worrying about being pelted from the air and slipping on one when I walk, time spent in our yard is anything but relaxing. I thought I was keeping my nutty frustrations to myself, but Timmy has called my bluff by screaming out "damn nut" every time we see another one bounce on the ground.

Monday, October 09, 2017

Feeling Better

Finally, after nearly a week, I am starting to feel normal again. My ear pain has lessened to a stuffy sensation, providing welcome relief from the near constant stabbing I was experiencing last week. I am feeling better, and stronger, each day. Thank goodness because I'm fairly certain that Timmy wouldn't tolerate any more quiet days. Over the past week his little trampoline has been a godsend, allowing him to jump to his heart content while I convalesced on the couch. After several days inside even his preferred activity is growing old and he is ready for an adventure.  

This weekend was low-key. It was rainy which was fine by me because I wasn't really up to playing outside.  Timmy spent a lot of time alternating between his trampoline and his trains. Considering that he is three, he did a fantastic job entertaining and playing by himself.  I don't want to jinx anything, but I am noticing that his destructive throwing stage seems to be waning. Although I still wince when he holds up toys it is more reactionary than protective. 

We are in for a day of steady cold rain, meaning that we are relegated to indoor activities. I'm going to try to find an indoor playground, but I'm not overly optimistic that I will find anything appropriate. Most playgrounds are closed on Mondays and those that are open will probably be busy because today is a holiday. Much to my little Hamlet's chagrin, we may be destined for another day at home.  

Friday, October 06, 2017

A Good Night Sleep

Day two of battling ear infections is history. Although I struggled to get through the day, the house was intact (sort of) by the time Scott came home from work so I consider myself a success.  Yes, I set the bar pathetically low when I'm ill.

I wasn't feeling better yesterday, but this morning I'm feeling more normal than sick. My ears continue to be omnipresent, but the nagging pain has morphed into a stuffy sensation. I'll take stuffy over sharp pain anytime!  I am surprised with how ear infections took a toll on my entire body. I had somehow forgotten how sick I used to feel when I had my childhood ear infections. Of course, I was considerably younger and no undoubtedly rebounded quicker. 

I slept well (thank you Nyquil) and I'm hoping for a better day. I know that Timmy will be full of energy and ready to go as soon as the sun rises. Yesterday I managed to keep him relatively calm, but there is no chance of that happening again today. Ready or not Friday, here I come!

Thursday, October 05, 2017

Ear Infections

When I was younger I was prone to ear infections. I remember laying my head on a hot water bottle, ear drops topped off with cotton balls and having to choke down (unflavored) pink medicine several times a year. By late elementary school my constant ear infections began to wane, and by middle school I was no longer having ear issues.  

Yesterday my no ear infection streak came to a crashing end. I woke up with pain in both ears and my childhood memories came flooding back. It had been over 30 years, but I instantly knew that my ears were infected.  

I tried to wait until Scott came home from work before going to the doctor, but by lunchtime I was miserable. I packed up Timmy and we headed to the walk-in medical clinic. My self-diagnosis was correct and the doctor prescribed antibiotics and ear drops to treat my ear infections.  

This morning I am still in pain and feeling miserable. Unlike when I was younger, staying in bed and laying on a hot water bottle throughout the day is no longer an option. Timmy is ready to play, and he isn't old enough to understand that Momom needs a medical time-out.  Hopefully the ear drops and antibiotics will start to work quickly, otherwise it is going to be another long day.

Wednesday, October 04, 2017


I have stayed true to my vow to exercise each morning before taking Robby to school. I don't love sweating, nor do I particularly enjoy mornings. The fact that both have merged in my life is an unexpected irony. I have discovered that my early morning "lounging" time is the easiest to swap out in my schedule and, while I don't eagerly put down my coffee to start working out, I do feel accomplished when I am done.  

In the month of September I have lost 11 pounds. I still have a long way to go but I'm trying to remain upbeat. At least I'm not as heavy as I was on Labor Day! I realize that 11 pounds is not an impressive feat, but I am feeling better and healthier already. My leg is fitting more comfortably, and I've noticed that my limb isn't nearly as sore at the end of the day. (It never ceases to amaze me how weight fluctuations have such an impact on my prosthetic comfort.) 

It turns out that working out and watching what I'm eating is not the most difficult part of this venture. Instead, I find myself struggling with feelings in inadequacy and self- hate. I am disgusted that I have allowed myself to gain so much weight. How did the pounds pile on without my knowing? Ugh. Every time I think about it I want to bang my head into a wall or hide my face in shame.  

Pre-occupied with caring for Timmy and worried about his health issues, I've allowed my self-care to be neglected. While I know the reasons behind the pounds, the fact that I am again in this situation frustrates me to no end.  Forgiving myself has turned out to be the most difficult obstacle on my healthy journey, but I am not going to allow myself to be deterred from my goal.

Tuesday, October 03, 2017

Cartoon Respite

My heart continues to hurt as more details of the tragedy in Las Vegas begin to emerge. In times like this I find myself oddly addicted to the news, almost as if walking away or simply turning it off is akin to being disrespectful to those whom are hurting. Logically I know that this makes no sense. I am better off emotionally when I tune out the endless stream of reports. Of course, I continue to have trouble walking away even though I know that it is the healthier option for me. I need to be reminded that sometimes ignorance is bliss!  

Thankfully I have Timmy to help me unplug from the news. He prefers to watch Disney Jr. in the morning and I was happy to tune out the tragedy for awhile. I found that watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse left me feeling better than Good Morning America, so I decided to follow his lead for the rest of the day. When we weren't watching cartoons we were playing with trains or outside. Spending a relaxing day with my mischievous little buddy was exactly what I needed yesterday. 
Timmy was delighted to be my distraction for the day and relished the attention. We played with his trains throughout the living room and around the yard. We tossed balls and jumped on the trampoline.  We played pirate in the playhouse and took turns sliding down the chute. He loved every single moment, and I found myself living in the moment and forgetting what was unfolding in Las Vegas. It wasn't until he went to bed and I turned off the cartoons that I was brought back to reality.
It turns out that reality stinks! I much prefer spending the day playing, laughing and exploring with Timmy to watching current events. I think I'll continue to avoid the news for the foreseeable future. I don't think my heart can handle anything but cartoons right now.