Birthday Wrap-Up

 I can't believe my little boy is now double digits. Yesterday was spent spoiling and doting our Hamlet. I treated him to 'McDelivery' as a special lunch treat, thoroughly blowing his mind. In the evening we went out for Hibachi, a family favorite, before unwrapping presents and lighting up the ice cream cake. Timmy smiled throughout the day and was absolutely delighted with his surprises. 

Because of Timmy's broken arm, selecting a birthday gift was difficult. Anything sport or outdoor related would not have been fun to receive because he won't be able to use it for at least 6 weeks. After a lot of thought and research, we decided to give Timmy his own cell phone.

The phone has every parental control activated and it is highly monitored, but Timmy is delighted to be able to text his friends and family. He immediately squealed with excitement over the idea that he can text Robby when he is in college next year. I think that the direct connection through texting may help make the transition easier next year. As an added bonus, I was elevated to "World's Best Momom" over the gift.

Timmy's birthday officially marks the beginning of my busy season. This weekend we'll be working at AwesomeCon before Robby heads off to his prom. I can't believe it is already time for prom! This year has gone so quickly. At this point, time is not my friend because I am running out of it. My goodness I have so much to do before next autumn.

Happy Birthday Timmy!!

 Yesterday was an exercise in frustrations and miscommunication. Timmy had an appointment scheduled for his arm to determine if he would receive a cast or surgery. Because the office is close to DC and because I needed to have him there at 8:15, it made for a very early morning. Robby was volunteered to come along because I wanted to be able to utilize the HOV-3 lanes without paying the toll. If he had stayed home, the trip would have cost me $54 round-trip. 

After rousing the boys into the car and navigating through DC rush hour traffic, we arrived to his appointment 15 minutes early. A series of issues forced us to travel to a different office to see another new doctor, but in the end he was seen and pronounced healed enough for his bright red cast. While the bones are not perfectly aligned, the doctor feels confident that they will mend correctly without surgery. Timmy was over-the-moon to finally be out of the temporary splint and into a more durable bright red cast.

Talk about the perfect birthday present! Yes, today is my little Hamlet's birthday. We are officially in double digits. It is so hard to believe that my sweet little preemie is now 10.

Today will be spent celebrating Timmy! Happy Birthday to my sweet, curious, precocious, interesting, inquisitive and kind son. I am so proud of you and being your mom is one of the greatest joys of my life.

Answers

 Friday afternoon I finally garnered the courage to pick up the phone to call the Travis County Police Department. We know that nothing will bring Jae back, but we need answers. After a series of family discussions, we have decided that we need to present a united front. I volunteered to lead the charge, primarily because when I am angry I lean towards advocacy. 

I didn't expect many answers on Friday so I was not disappointed. I'm going to keep pressing until we have answers. I know that we will never find peace with what happened, but I am hoping that we can heal through knowledge. We will see, I'm not terribly optimistic that the internal investigation will yield anything insightful or even true.

We spent the weekend at the mall selling FlexyFriends. It was nice to be back to doing something normal and non-death related. Our sales were brisk and the company was delightful. Usually I'm really tired after a weekend of selling but we were able to split the time more equitably this weekend, allowing everybody time to both work and rest. After nearly a year of family sales, I think we are finally finding our groove.

Beginning of the End

 Yesterday Timmy returned to school for the first time since Spring Break. He was delighted to see his friends again which I take as a good sign that I have made the correct school decisions for him. With him occupied in class I feel like I can tiptoe back into my life. The past few weeks have been difficult and chaotic. Returning to 'normal' feels like a vacation.

Of course, there is nothing normal about the weeks to come. Birthdays, a trip to New Orleans, a graduation and a retirement are all on the horizon in the next six weeks. What an exciting time in our family! I suspect that I'm going to need to double down on my coffee intake in order to keep up with the excitement in our house.

Robby's graduation announcements arrived yesterday, heralding the beginning of the end of his high school career. Time has moved so quickly that the memories are making my heart hurt. I also realize that I am not in an emotional place where reflecting is beneficial. Right now, it is best to shove every memory and reflection into the corner until I can process them properly. 

Again, avoidance is my go-to coping mechanism.

No Cast

I was optimistic that Timmy would be waking up in a hard cast this morning. Unfortunately my optimism did not pan out. The doctor did not yet want to proceed to the hard cast, which was disappointing, but he also did not recommend surgery-yet. After examining a new round of x-rays it was decided to give Timmy's arm another week for the bones to settle down. If they continue to shift, surgery will be scheduled after his appointment next week. If the bones stay in place and do not move more, they will put him into a cast. 

While part of me would like to just make a decision and go with it, I understand the need to proceed with caution. I think I spent so many years of my life in orthopedic limbo that the thought of my son riding this roller coaster, even for a short period of time, saddens me. He is ready to ditch the sling and get back to moving. Waiting is hard, even when you know it is the right thing to do.

After Timmy's appointment I spent the afternoon working and cleaning up around the house. I gathered up all of the scraps of paper that were used to plan my brother's memorial service. Seeing the constant reminders of his death has become overwhelming. I think the only way I can maintain my composure will be through utilizing my favorite go to coping strategy: avoidance. I am going to try to focus on my day-to-day activities because thinking about Jae's death.

Today is another step towards normalcy. Timmy is going to return to school after an extended Spring Break. I know that he is missing his friends and resuming his schedule will be good for everybody.

Home

 The past few days have been exhausting, heartbreaking and cathartic. Memorializing my brother has been among the hardest things I've ever attempted. I quickly discovered that it is simply impossible to encapsulate somebody's life in a few words and moments on a random Sunday afternoon. I will continue to hold my brother's memory close to my heart and I will miss him terribly. 

While last week was about grieving and helping my mom, this week I am turning my efforts towards obtaining answers. We would like to know why a blind amputee was shot in the neck when he called for assistance. I have zero confidence in an internal investigation being conducted among the "brotherhood." As expected, we are being met with a wall when we reach out.Thankfully I am versed at chipping away at walls and calling in the cavalry when necessary. I know that nothing will bring Jae back, but I plan on pushing for both accountability and change.

While I'm readying myself for the battle to come, this morning I am focusing on Timmy. We are returning to the ortho for another round of xrays on his arm. Hopefully his bones did not shift and the doctor is able to put Timmy into a hard cast. If the bones moved or or if they are somehow misaligned, we will be preparing for surgery.

Obituary

 https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/legacyremembers/jae-friedman-obituary?id=54833347

 

When it Rains

The past few days have been a blur. We've cried and laughed as we looked through old photos and shared stories about Jae. It all feels so surreal. Although my brother has been on a self-destructive path for decades, the reality of the situation is numbing. I guess you really can't prepare for this type of tragedy, regardless of what you tell yourself.

The Memorial Service for my brother will be held on Sunday, April 14th from 1-3 at the Penn Harris Hotel and Convention Center, Governor Room B. Everybody is welcome to stop by, say hello and share memories and thoughts about Jae. While I acknowledge that the venue is a tad unorthodox, my mom's desire to bypass a funeral home entirely forced some creativity. Although the motivation was not financial, I was shocked at how much cheaper it is to rent a meeting room vs. a funeral home. 

We spent Monday morning making phone calls and finalizing all of the arrangements. Almost as soon as I settled in to enjoy the eclipse with my mom and sister Scott called me. He was at an eclipse party at the park with the boys. While I thought he was calling to share their excitement about the solar show, I immediately knew by the tone in his voice that something had gone wrong.

Timmy fell off the slide and broke his left arm in three places. While Scott was at the ER with Timmy, I was being driven back to VA to be with them. They realigned the bones and we are returning today to see if pins are necessary. My poor little Hamlet.

Jae

 Friday will be forever be remembered as a day in which my life completely changed. My brother, who has been battling addiction for 30 years, was fatally shot by Travis County police in Austin Texas during an active mental health crisis. Loving an addict for decades, we have all resigned ourselves to the reality that his death may be both premature and unnatural. Out of all of the scenarios for which we have prepared for over the decades, being shot in the neck during a call for help was not among them.

Despite living with the anticipation of receiving devastating news for years, the news came as a shock. My sister and I immediately drove to Pennsylvania to be with my Mom and to try to make sense of our life going forward. As much as I try, I just can't make sense of this.

My brother was shot at 9:36 pm on Wednesday. We were not informed until 5:30 pm on Friday. Why did it take so long, especially since they knew his identity when the call for assistance was placed?  Perhaps more important, why did my brother, who was a blind above-knee amputee amputee, receive two bullets instead of the care he desperately needed? These are the questions are are heavy on my heart, and I will work towards finding answers in the coming weeks.

But today is not the time. Right now we are in crisis mode and just trying to work through the necessities of the situation. I made arrangements for Jae to be cremated and brought home. Because his death is under investigation, his body may not be released for several weeks. We decided that we did not want to wait to hold a memorial service. 

This morning I am going to try to locate a venue. My mom would like to avoid using a funeral home, so after much deliberation we settled on a meeting room at a hotel. Hopefully I can get the plans solidified this morning so we can publish his obituary.  

Please keep my mom in your thoughts. This is extraordinarily difficult for her.  

pain

 I'm glad I didn't have anywhere to go yesterday. It feels as if I was hiking up my pant leg and removing my prosthesis every few minutes. Comfort remained elusive as I desperately tried a variety of padding combinations. By the time evening finally came my leg was angry and the blister had fully developed. I ended up on the couch with an ice pack and my crutches. 

An evening of ice, compression and ibuprofen seemed to have worked. My leg is considerably more comfortable today although I have no intention of pushing my limits. The boys are home for Spring Break and I'm going to acquiesce all dog-walking duties for the next 24 hours. If I want to remain mobile, I need to allow my leg time to rest and to heal. 

Most days I am barely concerned with being an amputee. I am only bothered by my "disability" when my prosthesis isn't fitting well and I'm in pain. This has been one of those weeks and I'm becoming frustrated. I want my life back!

Padding

 Yesterday the boys slept in late as they were unwinding from the long trip and relishing in every moment of their Spring Break. While I might have been compelled to wake them earlier under different circumstances, I was delighted with the quiet and solitude that their slumber afforded me. I was able to sit on the couch and knock out an impressive number of items on my to-do list. The list is still overwhelming, but at least it is now a little shorter.

Today is rainy and miserable. The boys stayed up late last night playing a computer game together (Timmy is now able to hold is own against his brother) so I expect that they will sleep late. I could definitely get used to this schedule, but I know it won't last long. Next week everybody will be up early and scrambling around the house in a panic. I suppose that this 'break' is the equivalent of the mom vacation.

I am looking around my living room which is cluttered with luggage, boxes and bags. Unfortunately my leg is really sore today so I'm not sure that cleaning is going to be the best use of my time. I don't have a sore (yet) but I feel one starting to develop on the outside of my limb. My system of padding, which had been functional albeit not completely comfortable, is no longer working. I need to figure out a new configuration of pads in order to keep walking. 

In reality, I need a new leg. I guess I'll add that to the list.

Home

 After a long drive with exhausted (and therefore bickering) children, we finally pulled into the driveway around dinner time last night. Everybody was happy to finally get out of the van and stretch their legs. Even Friend started to chirp with excitement when we pulled into the driveway. After schlepping everything out of the van and returning the rental we ordered Doordash for dinner and everybody went to their separate areas. I think we were confined together for too long!

This week the boys are on Spring Break while Scott is back to work. The schedule is going to be wonky but, after being away for last week, I truly don't care. At this point I'm really happy to be sitting on my couch with a big cup of coffee, preparing to tackle the day.

Have a great day. I'm home, so I know I will!

Coming Home

 I hope everybody had an awesome Easter. 

Today we come home from Ohio.

I'm looking forward to returning home.  I miss my house, my bed and my cats.

:)

Heading West

 Yesterday was spent working, cleaning and packing in anticipation for our Spring break getaway to Ohio. Scott is really looking forward to spending Easter with his mom again this year. This morning we are heading to pick up the rental van before throwing our bags in the back and driving west. As always, a big shout out to my sister. This year she is not only coming to house sit the cats, but she has agreed to keep the 3d printers running during her stay.  

I must admit that I am dreading the long hour drive with my children. When they were young I managed to convince myself that travel would ease when they became older. Timmy is now 9 and I'm still waiting for the near constant bickering between him and Robby to stop. Hopefully the cellular signals will remain strong throughout the drive so that fighting will be kept to a minimum. 

Wish us luck!

Trash

 Happy Spring Break!

This morning I woke early and crept to the couch to begin work. I tried to be as quiet as possible because everybody else is on vacation and I didn't want to disturb their sleep. Well, everybody except for Friend. He was more than willing to rise early with me. At first I was optimistic that he was going to snuggle on the couch with me but he scampered back to bed as soon as I brought him in from his walk. Apparently a warm bed trumps loyalty.

We don't have a lot of plans for Spring Break so I'm hopeful that we can start working on packing up the house. We really need to order a dumpster to help purge the junk. Perhaps that is a good place to start? The amount of trash that we have accumulated since moving into this house nearly two decades ago is both embarrassing and overwhelming. 

I suppose we just need to get started so today seems like a good day to order that dumpster.

Paperwork

 In a year full of milestones and special moments, last night we added another to the list. Scott filled out his official retirement paperwork with the intent to submit it today. Sigh. I guess there is no going back now! Ready or not, I will be married to a retired teacher in less three months. 

Not only is he prepared to submit his final paperwork today, but this is the final day before his Spring Break. It is also the final Friday of the third marking period. I'm sure there are some other 'finals' in there as well that I'm missing. The past few weeks he has become hyper focused on the finality of his career through figuring and communicating every perceivable 'last time.' At this point I'm a tinge concerned that he won't have anything to think about or talk about after he retires.  

While Scott is busy submitting his paperwork, I'll be driving Robby to and from his classes. Fridays are always busy but it makes it nice at the end of the day when I'm finally able to sit and relax. The driving is long but I don't really mind it because Robby uses the time to chat. 

I'm really going to miss him. It hurts my heart to think about him leaving for college in a few months. While Scott is focused on his retirement, I can't help but think about Robby's 'lasts' every time he brings up his milestones. With each reminder that the school year is ending I am forced to face Robby's leaving. I prefer avoidance.

Anxiety

 A combination of life and health issues has left me battling anxiety. Most of the time I'm okay and can push the worries to the back of my mind. Every once in awhile, when my health flares, the panic becomes palpable. On these bad days, my Fitbit alerts me throughout the day about my increased heart rate as I struggle to keep as 'normal' as possible. 

Yesterday was a bad anxiety day. When I woke my heart rate was 11 beats higher than my average. By 10 AM, my watched logged what it registered to be 52 minutes of high aerobic activity. I assure you, there are no aerobic movements involved in my morning routine. I knew it was going to be a difficult day.

In an attempt to try to quell my racing mind, I took Friend on a walk around the lake after I dropped Robby off at his guitar lesson. Watching him jump and frolic around the fields lifted my heart and eased my racing mind. It didn't do anything for the organic effects of the anxiety (racing heart), but it did a lot for my mood! Some days I just need to hold on for dear life. Yesterday was one of those days.

I woke this morning feeling so much better. My heart rate has returned to normal and I feel comfortable again. The sun is shining and it's going to be a great day.

Weekend Part 2

 By the time the mall closed on Saturday we were exhausted. Between sleeping on a train cot the night before and the frustrations that continued to plague us since we set up, I was ready to wave the white flag, crawl into bed and fall into a deep sleep. I couldn't wait to get to the hotel for the night.

We arrived later than we planned due to getting lost and traffic so by the time we checked in we were all dragging. We trudged across the hotel property to our room which was, of course, as far from check-in as possible. Finally, we arrived. We put down our bags, slid the key and waited for the green light to indicate that it was unlocked.

Instead of green, the light flashed the ominous red. We stood outside the door for several minutes, trying both key cards and discussing our frustrations. We tried one more time when we heard a scared voice from inside the room say, "There is already somebody in here." 

Frustrated (and trying to keep from morphing into fury) we returned to the check-in desk. The clerk seemed surprised that the room was occupied but promised to give us another that room that he knew was empty. I guess he just rolled the dice on the first room? Unapologetic and unconcerned about such a mix-up, another room key was slid across the counter before the clerk went back to his cell phone. 

After finally checking in, I laid down and fell asleep within 10 minutes. Sunday morning I woke feeling so much better. We hit the mall again and Robby and I stayed until about 2. We left to pick up Timmy and head home while Scott finished sales for the afternoon and came home after everything was packed up.

The weekend was exhausting but successful. Robby has made enough for his first semester at college and has started to fund the second. We never could have imagined that our little table at a flea market could grow so quickly!

Family Adventure

 Oh my goodness- our weekend was so busy and hectic that my head is still spinning. Sitting on my couch this morning it amazes me how much we did since Friday morning. It is going to take me a day to get unpacked and back on track for the week ahead but it was worth it. We were busy and our plans did not pan out as anticipated, but the weekend was definitely one that will be remembered in our family.

Friday afternoon I pulled the boys out of school early and we headed to Pennsylvania. After dropping Friend off for a special visit with my Mom and his cousin puppy friends we headed to our destination. Unbeknownst to the boys, we were going to the Red Caboose Motel to sleep in an authentic train car for the night. Timmy actually squealed with delight when he realized his accommodations for the evening. 

We spent the evening exploring the farm and the motel grounds which also hosted a small petting zoo. I decided it would be funny to take a selfie with the little horse. I suppose I tried too many angles and frustrated the pony because he nipped my shoulder as I was taking the photo.

Sleeping in a train was memorable but definitely not comfortable. Robby was too tall for the train bunks so we gave him the only real bed in the caboose. Scott, Timmy and I each claimed a bunk and settled in for the evening. While Timmy slept great, Scott and I suffered a bit. Perhaps we are too old to contort ourselves for such a long time. We both woke groggy from a poor night sleep and sore from the limited movement options afforded by the small bed. 

Saturday morning we packed up and headed to set up our little FlexyFriends pop-up shop at the mall. Set-up did not proceed as anticipated but we were able to pull it together in the end. By the time the mall officially opened we were set-up but flustered from the stress. Thankfully we were able to settle into a groove for the day.

While we were at the mall on Saturday and Sunday, Timmy went back to hang out with my mom. He thoroughly enjoyed his time and was much happier at her house than he was at the mall with us. Saturday evening, after the mall closed we headed to dinner and another hotel for the night. Scott and I were especially eager to lay down in a real bed. 

Of course, things don't always work out the way you plan....  to be continued tomorrow.

 

Weekend

 I am going to be completely honest.  The anniversary of my accident hit me harder than I expected this year.  There is just something about the scale tipping towards my living my life longer without a functional biological foot. The combination of grief over dreams derailed and my advancing age threw me into an emotional whirlwind. I spent Wednesday trying to keep busy so that my brain didn't have time to reflect on memories. Time was a friend and moved quickly.

Today I don't have time to wallow or reflect. This weekend FlexyFriends will be selling at the Park City Mall in Lancaster, PA. This is our first time at this mall and we are excited for the opportunity. Because it is a few hours from our home (but relatively close to my Mom), we are turning the event into a small family getaway. 

This afternoon I'm going to swing by my Mom's house to drop off Friend. The boys and I will then head to a novelty hotel where we are going to spend the night sleeping in an authentic train caboose. Scott is planning to take a half-day from work so he will meet us there. Hopefully we will arrive in time to take in a magic show tonight!

Tomorrow morning we head to the mall, set up our little pop-up store and start selling. Timmy is going to meet my Mom on Saturday afternoon for a special sleep-over at Nana's. Robby is planning to stay at the mall with us to help sell. Saturday night we are staying in a hotel closer to the mall because I think we are going to be really tired. 

The weekend is certainly going to be busy, but hopefully it is both fun and profitable.  Wish us luck!  If you are in the area, swing by the mall and say hi!

26 years

 26 years ago this afternoon I took my last 'normal' biological step. This anniversary is always odd for me to remember because it is such a sad memory in so many ways. My heart always breaks as I remember the physical and emotional pain that I endured as my life was ripped to pieces over the ensuing months. 

In an instant I went from living my best life to navigating through an unscheduled detour without a map. The computer broke my foot, but it also completely rerouted my entire life. I can't help but mourn for the years I lost due to the seemingly never ending cycle of surgeries. It makes me sad that my carefree life was stopped so abruptly. It also makes me angry.

But 26 years have past and my life has firmly planted onto a new path. I love my life, my family and my career. I barely remember and can hardly relate to the young woman that I was stepping into that conference hotel. I suppose many people no longer relate to their youthful selves. Maybe I just have the 'luxury' of knowing the exact moment everything changed.

What is hitting me odd is that the number of years I have been living without my healthy biological limb now officially outnumbers the time I spent with my foot. I walked without pain for 25 years. I have been dealing with the ramifications of the injury for 26 years. Time moves so quickly!

Today I plan to keep busy. I don't really want to remember. Sometimes memories are overrated, especially when they make your heart hurt.

Technical Repair

 Robby had his enrichment classes yesterday which means that I spent the majority of my afternoon in the car, driving him to and fro. Since it was Monday and his "short class," I opted to stay in the area and run some errands while he was at school. After swinging by Starbucks for an iced tea, I headed to the 3d print supply store. One of Robby's machines is starting to malfunction and we needed a simple replacement part. 

Although typically the technical arm of our family, Scott has avoided interacting with the 3d printers. Whenever there is a clog or another type of malfunction, Robby and I are the ones at the kitchen table taking the machine apart. I have become quite versed at troubleshooting and repairing these frustrating little machines. I'm not sure how I ended up wearing the 'repair woman' hat but here I am, living the dream.

Because I work with the machines everyday, I am quite competent picking up my own parts and supplies. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I was so annoyed when the sales clerk at the store kept encouraging me to "phone my husband to make sure I am picking up the right thing for him." Seriously? Assuming that a woman needs a husband to complete a technical repair is infuriating!

I remember being young and car shopping with my mom. Well, I remember going to the lot with her and her being refused a test drive until she came back with her husband. That was in the 1980s. This is 2024. We need to do better.

Overwhelmed

 The rain and wind forced us inside again this weekend. Sigh. I really wish we were gifted a huge snowstorm this year instead of the consistent cold rain that has been falling all season. This winter, like so many in the years past, has been a complete dud. Oh well. At least my daffodils are blooming and look happy waving from the yard.

I should have spent our weekend inside cleaning and packing. Instead I streamed Oppenheimer and worked on my computer in front of a roaring fire. At least I was productive- albeit not around the house. One of these days I really need to get back into packing and organizing or we are never going to move out of this house.

Did I mention that I feel overwhelmed?

Another Email

 I have come to the conclusion that our family must look odd from an outside view. Robby's room is littered with WWII military artifacts while my basement has been converted to a small warehouse to store the items for his traveling holocaust museum. While it has become normal for us to discuss both historical and contemporary military tactics over the dinner table, I recognize that this is not fodder for normal family conversations.  

Timmy, heavily influenced the adoration for his big brother, has become a sponge for the WWII knowledge and trivia that Robby offers up on a regular basis. Because of this, Timmy has a unique insight and perspective that is not held by most 9 year olds. Unfortunately, he has to learn that what is comfortable conversation at home may not be appropriate for school.

Yesterday I received (another) email from Timmy's teacher reprimanding him for discussing "war" in school. He had been reprimanded earlier in the week for hosting an epic battle between his "geometry city" and two of his classmates cities. The boys had a great time playing their game until it was shut down by their teachers. We told Timmy that he wasn't allowed to play war in school and I thought the issue was closed.

The email yesterday took me off guard because Timmy's teacher accused him of referencing war again during a class discussion. It turns out that the class was learning about evaluating sources on the internet to determine if they are authentic or propaganda. Timmy was asked to explain propaganda. He replied, "Well, anything that was written by Joseph Goebbels was propaganda for sure. He tried to scare everybody with his hate."

His teacher was offended. Timmy was removed from the classroom and put into a private "break out room," which is the equivalent of detention, for talking about war. My issue with this is that he didn't talk about war. He referenced a historical example of extreme propaganda.  I disagree with his punishment, but I'm not sure if I should just let it go or push back.

Happy Birthday Scott

 Today is special in our family because it is Scott's birthday!  

Our family loves birthdays and any reason to celebrate. Even though Scott isn't delighted with adding a digit to his year, he is looking forward to our family party. A favorite dinner, a few presents, a lot of doting and a red velvet cake will top off the celebration tonight. His birthday marks the beginning of our family busy season.

The spring and early summer have always been heavy with birthdays, anniversaries and various reasons to celebrate. This year the parties will be magnified because we are adding graduations and retirements to the mix. I feel like I've been treading water to stay afloat in a stressful 2024. Everything is about to get considerably more complicated as we try to navigate retiring, college and moving within the next few months.

I suppose I'll worry about packing, moving and living with a retired husband later. Today is all about celebrating Scott. The boys are so lucky to have him as their dad. I am so lucky to have found him! 

Happy Birthday Scott!

Battle Ready

 It feels odd in the house this morning. Scott is home because schools are closed for election day. It feels strange having him home, not being ill, on a random Tuesday. I suppose this is a peek at what our future may be with him being retired. 

It's always a little harder to get everybody on their schedule when Scott is home from work. The boys tend to want to mirror their father and lounge. Unfortunately for them, they do have school today. Sigh. I know that I am going to have to be the bad guy (again) and insist upon logging in. I suppose I am worried that these one-off battles will become an everyday occurrence when Scott is retired and home each day.

I guess I can worry about that next year.  In the meantime, I'll fortify myself with some more coffee and prepare for battle.

MerMagic Con Wrap-Up

 We had an amazing- I mean 'mer-mazing' weekend! Although we were busy and we aren't starting the week feeling refreshed or ready, the past few days have been fantastic. Robby's FlexyFriends were very well received at both the craft fair and the MerMagic Con. We thoroughly enjoyed meeting so many people and making new connections. It is fun to watch FlexyFriends grow and expand into new areas.

On Saturday Robby and Scott were in Leesburg at the Spring Bling Craft Fair while my sister and I were in Silver Spring at MerMagic Con. This was my first con event and it was spectacular. I've never before been around so many accepting, loving and completely body inclusive individuals. I wish I had the confidence to strut in shells and a tail!

Saturday evening the boys packed up in Leesburg and drove to the event hotel. Excited to embrace new experiences, we went out for Korean BBQ for dinner. Unfortunately it wasn't our favorite but we were thrilled to walk by a Burger Fi on the way back to the hotel so that dinner #2 could be secured. (Although we didn't enjoy the food, the experience was fun. Watching Scott try kimchi was worth the price of the meal!)

Sunday morning we headed back to MerMagic Con for day #2. Robby and Scott were able to experience Mer culture and met so many wonderful people. They were even able to pose with some mermaids! 

*A hint in case you ever meet a mermaid. Never ask a mermaid how much the silicone tail weighs. Apparently it was offensive. Every time I walked past that pod of mermaids they screeched at me because that is what angry Mers do. It was so funny and done in great fun, but it was certainly enough to embarrass my teen.

 

Big Weekend

 This weekend has been circled in red on our calendar since it was hung up on New Years Day. Our printers have been running nearly nonstop in preparation for our busy Flexy weekend. Thanks to a full family effort, we are able to set up in two separate locations for the weekend.

On Saturday Scott and Robby are going to the Spring Fling Craft Fair in Leesburg. We attended the winter event and were warmly received. Despite bringing what we thought was ample stock, we ended up selling out before he end of the weekend. Unlike the December show, this event is only on Saturday but we are hopeful for a crowd.

While the boys are in Leesburg selling at the craft fair, my sister is joining me for the day at the MerMagicCon in Silver Spring Maryland. This event, which was featured on Netflix, is the largest mermaid convention in the world. We are thrilled to have been invited to participate and are grateful to my sister for lending a hand. 

My sister is going to help me sell at the Mermaid show on Saturday. On Sunday, Robby and Scott will join me at the show to finish out the event. We have no idea what to expect but we are really excited for the event. It looks like so much fun!

Wish us luck with our FlexyFriends sales! 

ADVOCACY OPPORTUNITY

 Like most of everything else in the medical community, prosthetics and access to those devices are determined by the insurance industry. Specific to prosthetics, CMS sets the standard for coverage and availability. For an amputee, their assigned K-level will ultimately lead the determination for what technology a patient will receive. 

The K-Level is a functional level assigned to each amputee by their physician. Ironically, most doctors aren't familiar with K-levels and rely heavily upon the prosthetists' recommendation. The higher the k-level, the more active the patient. 

Currently, microprocessor knees are covered by insurance for individuals who are labeled k-3. K-3 are higher activity individuals- a simplified version is a mild weekend athlete. Someone who is busy throughout the day, walks on several surfaces without an issue and can traverse stairs and ramps. K-2 individuals have been limited to mechanical knees in lieu of the technology.

Numerous studies have proven that microprocessor knees, especially with their stumble recovery, are life changing for the k-2 population. The computer technology has shown vast improvement in both the mobility and the quality of life for above-knee amputees for more than a decade. Finally, CMS is considering changing the classification for microprocessor knees to allow access to the k-2 population.

A draft LCD has been proposed to allow access to microprocessor technology for this community. You can read the proposal here.  I hope you consider writing an email of support for this draft LCD. This technology is changing lives!  

Ungrateful Cat

 In the wee hours of Monday morning, while the world was still awake, our house was in chaos courtesy of our tripod cat. Kitty-Kitty, our three-legged cat whom I rescued from Louisiana after she was shot, decided to urinate all over Timmy's new futon mattress. It was thoroughly soaked, forcing us to move it out of his room so that he could sleep. 

I spent the afternoon cleaning the mattress. After washing, steaming and dousing it with enzyme cleaners, the odor has finally been removed. The large mattress is currently folded over our banister drying and waiting for the waterproof cover that is going to be delivered within the next few days. Throughout the entire ordeal I quietly cursed the cat. This cat, who was not easy or cheap to rescue, has vacillated between indifference and hatred. She does not make it easy to adore her.

Kitty-Kitty must have sensed that she went over the line by peeing all of the futon because this morning she attempted to redeem herself. Yet again we were woken in the wee hours of the morning with cat commotion. This time she was flinging a small mouse against my bedroom wall. Friend, eager to play, was cheerfully barking and trying to get a turn at the vermin.  

Thankfully Scott was home so removing the mouse was easy. (I stayed under the covers and hid my head while he scooped it into a bucket and took it outside.) Kitty-Kitty may hate us, but apparently she hates mice more.

Dance

 This was a big weekend for my not so little Koopa. On Saturday he dressed up and went to his winter dance. His school dances are hosted in the gymnasium and tend to be less formal than the public school affairs. Because of this, most of the kids tend to go in sport coats and jeans. Robby wore nice slacks, a button down shirt and a jacket. Although it wasn't perfectly fitted for him, he was excited about the dance and I thought he looked very handsome. 

I made a mistake by sharing the photo on Facebook. I knew that the jacket wasn't fitted properly but I assumed that my 'friends' would simply see what I saw- a happy young man looking forward to a dance. While most of my friends comments were positive, I did receive more than one private message that took me aback. 

"Such a handsome young man. He deserves a suit that fits. Do better next time Mom." 

"Disheveled is one thing. This kid is wearing the wrong size. Not good."

These emails are not helpful and are hurtful by design. Why one would feel compelled to write and send a message like that to a 'friend' is beyond me. Perhaps it is time we all remember what we learned as young children.  If you don't have anything kind to say, simply say nothing.

Robby had a great time at his dance. His suit jacket was taken off as soon as he arrived and took to the dance floor. He rocked out until they turned the music off at the end of the dance. When he came home he was on cloud 9 and was grinning from ear to ear. I don't care if his suit didn't fit perfectly, and neither did anybody else. 

Printing

 Happy Friday!

Between Timmy's stellar report card, Robby's college orientation and his receiving the Billy Michal Leadership Award, this has been an amazing week for our little family. I think we are all reeling with the excitement of our good news. I'm happy it is Friday because we all need to recenter and get our heads back into the game. The school year isn't over yet, even if the end (graduation and retirement) are in sight.

This weekend will be spent cleaning, working and printing mermaids and dragons. Next weekend we are splitting our efforts between two events. It will be our biggest Flexy weekend ever! Robby and Scott will be selling at the Leesburg Spring Fling Craft Fair while my sister and I are setting up at MerMagic Con, the biggest mermaid convention in the world. We have no idea how much we will sell but I'm really looking forward to the event. I think it is going to be so much fun!

Amazing Teen

Robby spent Monday walking the campus of Shepherd, meeting with students and beginning to imagine his next four years. Hearing him talk about his experience he is a mixture of apprehension and excitement. He actually sent himself a text as a reminder of his enthusiasm and the positive orientation experience. He said that he wants to remember the good feeling that he had on campus when he starts to become scared and nervous about the transition. He is so much like me! I know that the next few months are going to fly by and soon he will be packing up for his new college home. 

His excitement has not been limited to Shepherd University. Robby was informed on Monday that he was selected as the Virginia recipient for the Billy Michal Leadership Award, presented through the National World War II Museum. This award, an accolade bestowed after an external nomination process and essay submission, is an amazing honor. He was selected because he is a good kid who tries to help out in his community, and I could not be prouder!

Robby and I are to be flown down to New Orleans over Memorial Day weekend for the award banquet and related activities. This weekend is situated between my 50th birthday, his 18th birthday and his graduation. Talk about an amazing way to celebrate all of milestones!

I'm so incredibly proud of my amazing teen.

Orientation

 Yesterday was a big day for my not-so-little Koopa. He spent the day at Shepherd University at a new student orientation event. It is so hard to fathom that he is getting ready for college. Wasn't he just in kindergarten? 

As much as I'm not ready I know that he is going to thrive. He was nervous yesterday but feigned confidence until it was authentic. He thoroughly enjoyed the course that he sat in on and he even spoke to some of the other students. I know it isn't going to be an easy transition but he is ready and he is going to do great. The countdown has begun.

Ready

 After another non-snow event it seems that we have another chance this weekend.  Fingers crossed we will get something playable! Timmy's sled has been sitting in the middle of our yard, readied on a hill, since the last non-snow event. It has become an odd symbol of our uneventful winter.

Today Robby has his enrichment classes which means that I will spend the majority of my day driving. On Monday he goes to Freshman orientation at Shepherd University. I'm determined to enjoy this forced time together in the car while we have it!

This weekend will be spent cleaning, recovering from a cold and preparing for the orientation. Robby will be getting his college ID photo on Monday and has requested a haircut. I can't believe that this is all happening! I know that I had 18 years to prepare, but I'm not ready. Fortunately, I know that he is.

The Valentine Boogie

We didn't have a lot of money growing up. A testament to my mother, I was unaware of our financial situation. While I knew that she worked several jobs after my Dad left, in my young mind it was simply because she was a dedicated teacher. In the day she taught high school students. At night she would teach adult GED classes. I thought she just really loved to teach.

Growing up, we didn't celebrate Valentine's Day with candy and treats on February 14th. Valentine's Day was for school parties and cards. We didn't get our Valentine's treats until the evening of February 15th, when the "Valentine Boogie" would come before dinner and leave the surprises on our plates. Throughout my childhood, I had no idea that the Valentine Boogie was invented so that candy could be secured at 50% off.  I simply accepted that Valentine's Day candy boxes were exchanged on the 15th.

I remember going to school and excitedly asking my teacher if the Valentine Boogie came to her house. I absolutely adored this teacher, so when she laughed in my face it really stung and has stayed with me 40+ years later. I still didn't know that it was unusual to exchange candy on the 15th. Instead, I assumed that the Valentine Boogie was selective and didn't visit every house. I never publicly mentioned him again although I eagerly anticipated his arrival every year.

Although it wasn't the 15th, I decided it was time to resurrect the Valentine Boogie. Last night I decorated the dinner table "Valentine Boogie style" with a basket of treats and cards arranged artfully at each place. The boys were ecstatic when they came out to dinner and discovered their surprises. 

Whether or not the Valentine Boogie came to your house, I hope you had a great day!

Proud Momom

 I am waking up this morning an incredibly proud Momom!

Yesterday Timmy received his report card and received stellar comments and marks. He has grown academically and socially compared to this time last year. His teachers describe him as kind, caring, empathetic and hardworking. His teachers also remarked on his interesting perspectives. "Timmy at times does not appear to be paying attention during lessons. However, when we ask him a clarifying question to check his understanding, he often offers insights that are accurate yet completely unique." 

A clear example occurred last week when Timmy's class was learning about cultural traditions in India, including funeral pyres and bathing in the rivers. After the presentations the class had a discussion about what they learned. Timmy's contribution was "Well, learned that I will never go fishing in India."  I had to chuckle when I read that line. His teacher, who is absolutely amazing, must have worked a long time on the wording in his report card as to not offend.

In the afternoon Robby received a letter awarding him a scholarship to help pay for college. He has been applying for every applicable scholarship since he was accepted back in September. I am so incredibly proud of him!

Flexy Friends at the Mall

This weekend was busy for FlexyFriends. We set up at the mall in Frederick on Saturday. We were uncertain about how successful or busy we would be considering that the holidays have been over for awhile. We were overwhelmed by the welcome back to the mall. So many repeat customers came back to visit, to chat, and to buy some new FlexyFriends. It was a great weekend!

We packed up and got home just in time for the Super Bowl. Scott and Timmy settled into our bed with a smorgasbord of junk food spread out before them. (The crumbs of which were embedded into my sheets and covers.) I tried to get into the game but I really didn't care about either team. I did enjoy the nachos and the commercials, so the evening wasn't a complete waste for this non-football momom.

Since we were selling all weekend, I am feeling a little overwhelmed this morning. Typically I'm able to spend Sunday afternoon getting things ready for the upcoming week. I lost that time, so now I feel like I'm scrambling. Wish me luck!

Have a great day!

Back to the Mall

 Yesterday was frustrating. The pain through my ill-fitting socket forced me to sit and readjust my leg throughout the day. Despite my efforts I failed to find complete comfort. Instead, I struggled with trying to maintain a basic level of comfort. I felt like I was constantly fiddling with socks and pads in my elusive quest for a prosthetic fit.

Although I would not declare comfort, I am functional. The discomfort in my leg is nagging but not painful. I'm still hoping to stumble upon the perfect padding configuration, but in the meantime I can accept and function with my current prosthetic situation. I know that it won't really resolve until I get a new leg. Sigh. I guess I can't put it off much longer.

This weekend will be busy at the mall selling FlexyFriends. We haven't been there since December and it is going to be interesting to compare the pre and post holiday crowds. (Hopefully we won't notice much of a difference!) 

Wish us luck!

Socks and Liners

Although Hamlet is frustrated and sad about our lackluster winter, I have to admit that Friend and I are content with the happier temperatures. It feels like early April outside. Even the flowers are starting to peek out of the ground. Of course, next week we are anticipating another snow storm, so they will probably be shocked back into the soil.

Snow or no snow, today is going to be gorgeous. My leg is not feeling fantastic. I'm continuing to lose weight which is causing my socket to become floppier fitting by the day. I had a nice little system of pads which was functional and keeping me comfortable. Something has changed over the past few days and now my adaptations are no longer working. 

I'm sitting on the couch this morning with my box of blister band-aids and a variety of socks, pads and liner segments. I'm hoping to find a new combination that allows me to continue to walk comfortably. I know the only true solution is getting a new leg, but that process is so frustrating. Of course, not being able to walk comfortably is more aggravating.

Raccoon Encounter

Yesterday morning Friend and I had quite a fright when we went out on our morning walk. He started to whine to go outside early but I figured it was a nice day and that he just wanted to play. As soon as I opened the door he took off galloping towards the side yard. He pulled so quickly that my arm was thrown up into the door frame, bruising my wrist. 

Friend continued to pull sled dog style towards the side yard as I quickly retracted his leash to pull him closer to me. As soon as I got him to my side an extremely fat and aggressive raccoon sauntered out from under the wheelbarrow.  While Friend was eager to make an acquaintance, the raccoon reared up and started to scream. We were close enough to see his menacing claws.

I scooped up Friend who was barking and squirming to go play with his new furry buddy. The raccoon and I screamed at simultaneously as I stood still holding my frantic pup. Slowly the raccoon stood down, turned and sauntered back into the side yard. 

I understand that the raccoon has every right to live in the woods, but I am a little concerned with the aggression in the middle of the morning. Today I'm going to research ways to make the woods more inhospitable for raccoon habitation. If you have any tips, please send them my way!

Extreme

 This weekend was busier than the norm. On Friday Scott and I enjoyed a rare night out without the kiddos. (It is nice having a resident teen available to babysit.) Scott is an avid fan of the band Extreme. He saw them in concert in the early 90s and has been dreaming of attending another show. After more than 30 years, the stars aligned and the band performed near us in West Virginia. To say that he was excited would be an understatement!

We left for the show early with the hopes of enjoying dinner and some people watching at the casino before the band took the stage. As soon as we walked into the casino we were overwhelmed with loud rock music. Scott's face lit up in recognition. Apparently we had managed to park and walk into a side door adjacent to the stage. Through an unattended open door, Scott was able to watch the sound check of his favorite band. We were able to listen for about 20 minutes before we were noticed and the door was dutifully shut in our faces. 

Although I am not a hugely familiar with all of the songs, I thoroughly enjoyed the show. The band put on an excellent performance. Scott was on his feet, dancing and singing for the entire two hours. He had an absolute blast! 

After a late night drive home we woke early on Saturday and headed to a local community craft fair. We were busy throughout the four hour show.  It was nice to be able to check out how some of the newer designs would be received. The next few weekends are busy with FlexyFriends sales events so it is night to have some insights into preferences so we can print accordingly.

Yesterday I spent the day cleaning and organizing the house. I managed to purge four contractor trash bags of garbage and 5 boxes for donation. Perhaps even more beneficial, my house no longer feels as cluttered and I feel like I have some breathing room. Today we are ordering the dumpster which will help us get rid of the big items that have been accumulating in corners. When that clutter is cleared, I think the house will feel so much lighter!

Today we are back to the grind. Have a great day!

Pop-Up Show

After more than a month away from the grind this weekend we will return to the FlexyFriends pop-up circuit. We have been printing nonstop since the New Year in anticipation of our winter and spring shows, the first of which is tomorrow. We don't expect it to host Black Friday sized crowds (although that would be amazing), but we are optimistic that sales will be steady. 

Unlike other shows, tomorrow's event is only four hours long. I'm glad we are tip-toeing back into the hustle rather than immediately jumping into a three-day event.  My mind is still whirling from Scott's signing his retirement form and I need some time over the weekend to devise a plan for the next few months. If we are actually going to go forward with "the great plan," which is case because he signed his intent to retire form, we need to get moving on packing, selling, locating a new home and moving. All of these are supposed to be done by August. Looking at the stuff cluttering every corner of my home, I don't see that happening!

But before I even start to make a list or stress about selling FlexyFriends tomorrow I need to get through today. Robby has his enrichment classes, which means that I will spend several hours driving. The trips are long (only because of traffic) but I am learning to enjoy our time together. Next year he will be gone and I know that I will miss these opportunities.

Intent to Retire

 Yesterday was a big day in our family. After 30 years of teaching (in the same school), he signed his 'intent to retire' paper. He has been counting down and dreaming of retiring for years so seeing his signature on that paper should not have come as a shock. Yet when he handed me a copy for the scrapbook I found my hand shaking. What had been so abstract is now very real, and I'm not sure I'm ready!

I am so excited for him, but this change terrifies me. In the next few months everything is going to be flipped on its head. I'm really struggling to embrace the adventure side of this situation because my instinct is to hide under my covers. Overwhelmed does not even come close to explaining how I feel. In six months Robby will be gone and Scott will be home all the time. We will be in a different house, in a different state, leading different lives. It all feels so scary but I know that the end result is going to be wonderful for our family. 

With Scott's signature on the bottom of his intent paper a domino of paperwork and tasks has been started. I think this is going to be a 'keep your head down and just knock things off the list' mentality if I want to keep treading life through the next few months. Between navigating paperwork for college and for retirement, I am in uncharted territory.

Lost Friend

I woke up feeling good and excited for the day. After slurping down some coffee while walking Friend I came inside to check my email and social profiles. My heart sank when I read of the suicide of an amputee friend. Although I did not know her personally I have been trying to support and mentor her since her amputation nearly four years ago. The news of her suicide left me feeling gutted.

Logically I know that I am not responsible, but I cannot help but reflect and wonder if I should have done things differently. I knew that she was struggling a few months ago but everything seemed to have calmed down. She recently received a new prosthesis and my last messages with her were positive. 

But obviously everything wasn't okay because now she is gone. Her daughters are left without their mother and a husband is left mourning his wife. I don't understand the depths of despair that she must have been feeling to take such a drastic and catastrophic step. My heart is breaking. I feel guilty even though I know I didn't do anything wrong. 

I just don't understand.

Ready?

 Another dreary and rainy weekend has come and gone. If it had been 20 degrees colder we would be playing in mountains of snow this morning. Unfortunately it was nearly 50 degrees so instead we are navigating a minefield of worms on our road and driveway. It may be the end of January, but it feels like Spring.

With both boys being ill last week my days felt chaotic and wonky. I probably should have spent the weekend decluttering and packing. Instead I ended up binging The Sopranos while doing nothing of consequence. I am waking up feeling relaxed but a tad behind the eight ball. 

Today everybody will return to school and our schedules will resume. This is the beginning of Robby's final semester in high school. Just writing that causes me to pause. I can't believe he is graduating in mere months!  

I'm not ready for this...

Lazy, Not Stupid

 Sigh.  It's only January and already we are being asked to declare our intentions next year. Scott received his "intent to retire" form yesterday at school. He hasn't signed it yet but I suspect it will be submitted today. It is a very big move for him (and a scary one for me) but I know that he is excited. I'm not sure what it will look like having a retired husband but I guess I'll find out next year.

While Scott is busy addressing his intentions for next year, yesterday Timmy was invited to sit in on the classroom he will transition to when he enters Fourth grade next September. He hasn't been in school all week because of the flu so he wasn't properly prepped for the classroom switch. Thankfully my little Hamlet has become quite versed at going with the flow and happily logged into a novel classroom for the day.

Timmy was tight lipped about his experience in the new classroom but he seemed content by the end of the day. I still have not decided where he will attend school next year because so much of that decision depends upon where we settle. In the meantime, I'm just trying to keep this year afloat. Since I'm not sure where we are going to end up, I am proceeding as if Timmy will stay enrolled in the same school. 

Although Timmy was short on feedback about the new classroom, his future teacher emailed me last night. (As a former educator, I appreciated the outreach.) She told me that she enjoyed getting to know Timmy and that she is looking forward to next year. When she asked Timmy to share something about himself, he offered the following words. "You should know that I can be lazy but I'm not stupid. There is a difference."  

At least he is honest?

Normalcy

 After more than a week the battle against the germs has finally turned our way. Yesterday afternoon was the first time that both boys were without fevers. Although they were both tired and worn out from being sick and not eating for so long, they are both on the road to recovery. Today Robby will begin his second semester classes and Timmy will return to school. Yay for normalcy!

Our snow, which fell so beautifully last week when I was sick, is now being melted by the rain. So much for our winter wonderland! Instead of the yard being blanketed with a beautiful sparkly white covering everything is slopped with mud and wind debris. Thankfully Friend will be content to curl up on the couch today rather than jump in the mud.

Today is going to be rainy and dreary, but I'm not going to let that impact my mood. The kids are better and everybody is returning to school. After a really long week of vomiting and fevers, normalcy feels like a vacation!

Sick House

 Yesterday was spent nursing both boys while doing copious amounts of laundry. Both have been hit hard by the flu, leaving them with high fevers, chills and every other unsavory symptom. I'm grateful that the vomiting stopped by the afternoon and I'm optimistic that the gastrointestinal symptoms are fading. The amount of laundry that we have been churning through over the past few days borders on the obscene.  

Thankfully I'm recovered (enough) to take care of everybody. My fever has been gone for a few days and, while I'm still fatigued from being so sick, my days have been full-steam ahead taking care of the boys. I hate seeing them so sick! This time it is especially hard because I know that I probably gave it to them. 

Another day in the Chenoweth sick house. I hope you are staying healthy!

Flu x2

 The good news is that I am feeling considerably better. I spent the majority of Friday in bed, sleeping and battling a fever. The snow fell throughout the day while I just laid on the couch in a trance. By Saturday the fever was history. I spent the rest of the weekend trying to regain my strength, a task which seems to take longer the older I become. 

By Sunday morning I was feeling normal albeit a tad more fatigued than I would prefer. Of course, my fatigue could also be attributed to the fact that I was up most of the night with Robby who had caught my infection. He spent most of the wee hours of Saturday night/Sunday morning violently vomiting while burning up with a fever. When Timmy came out of his bedroom coughing and looking as pale as a ghost Scott and I immediately knew we were destined for the doctor.

It is confirmed that both boys are battling the flu. Timmy spent the night vomiting and fighting a fever while Robby managed to sleep. Hopefully they will both be able to rest today. I hate it when my kids are sick!

Lousy

 I thought I was feeling better but on Tuesday night I started to struggle with nausea, overheating and chilling. I managed to settle myself on the couch in the living room under an electric blanket and I avoided vomiting, but I knew that it was going to be a rough day. Yesterday I spent much of the day on the couch, fighting nausea, fatigue and congestion. Boomerang Covid is no joke!

I woke up this morning continuing to feel lousy. I'm hoping that I feel better as the day progresses. If not, it is going to be a long one!

Sorry for the short blog. I feel lousy.