Obituary

 https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/legacyremembers/jae-friedman-obituary?id=54833347

 

When it Rains

The past few days have been a blur. We've cried and laughed as we looked through old photos and shared stories about Jae. It all feels so surreal. Although my brother has been on a self-destructive path for decades, the reality of the situation is numbing. I guess you really can't prepare for this type of tragedy, regardless of what you tell yourself.

The Memorial Service for my brother will be held on Sunday, April 14th from 1-3 at the Penn Harris Hotel and Convention Center, Governor Room B. Everybody is welcome to stop by, say hello and share memories and thoughts about Jae. While I acknowledge that the venue is a tad unorthodox, my mom's desire to bypass a funeral home entirely forced some creativity. Although the motivation was not financial, I was shocked at how much cheaper it is to rent a meeting room vs. a funeral home. 

We spent Monday morning making phone calls and finalizing all of the arrangements. Almost as soon as I settled in to enjoy the eclipse with my mom and sister Scott called me. He was at an eclipse party at the park with the boys. While I thought he was calling to share their excitement about the solar show, I immediately knew by the tone in his voice that something had gone wrong.

Timmy fell off the slide and broke his left arm in three places. While Scott was at the ER with Timmy, I was being driven back to VA to be with them. They realigned the bones and we are returning today to see if pins are necessary. My poor little Hamlet.

Jae

 Friday will be forever be remembered as a day in which my life completely changed. My brother, who has been battling addiction for 30 years, was fatally shot by Travis County police in Austin Texas during an active mental health crisis. Loving an addict for decades, we have all resigned ourselves to the reality that his death may be both premature and unnatural. Out of all of the scenarios for which we have prepared for over the decades, being shot in the neck during a call for help was not among them.

Despite living with the anticipation of receiving devastating news for years, the news came as a shock. My sister and I immediately drove to Pennsylvania to be with my Mom and to try to make sense of our life going forward. As much as I try, I just can't make sense of this.

My brother was shot at 9:36 pm on Wednesday. We were not informed until 5:30 pm on Friday. Why did it take so long, especially since they knew his identity when the call for assistance was placed?  Perhaps more important, why did my brother, who was a blind above-knee amputee amputee, receive two bullets instead of the care he desperately needed? These are the questions are are heavy on my heart, and I will work towards finding answers in the coming weeks.

But today is not the time. Right now we are in crisis mode and just trying to work through the necessities of the situation. I made arrangements for Jae to be cremated and brought home. Because his death is under investigation, his body may not be released for several weeks. We decided that we did not want to wait to hold a memorial service. 

This morning I am going to try to locate a venue. My mom would like to avoid using a funeral home, so after much deliberation we settled on a meeting room at a hotel. Hopefully I can get the plans solidified this morning so we can publish his obituary.  

Please keep my mom in your thoughts. This is extraordinarily difficult for her.