Wardrobe Malfunction

I'm writing this blog with Robby sleeping next to me in our hotel room. It has been a long but exhilarating afternoon and I'm so glad that my little guy can sleep soundly. He is peacefully sleeping while my head feels like it is spinning out of control. Hopefully I'll be able to fall asleep soon. Tomorrow is going to be even longer, and I need to look at least semi-refreshed.

After two fun filled California vacation days, Robby and I had to go to "work" today. We were scheduled to begin the video/ photo shoot this afternoon. After breakfast Robby was dumped into the bathtub where the syrup and dirt were scrubbed away. He was squeaky clean until he immediately devoured a blue cupcake. He then needed a second bath to remove the "smurf like" sugary layer on his face and hands.

With Robby's second bath complete, I set about beautifying myself. I primped all morning, trying to look absolutely perfect. I can honestly say that I didn't spend that much time getting ready for my wedding!

As the shoot time neared, I began to feel nervous, insecure, inadequate and ugly. I have no delusions about who I am. I am a lot of things and I have a lot of talents. Modeling is not one of them. I was beginning to think that the company made a mistake, and part of me worried that they would take one look at me and ask me to refund the expenses.

To my delight, the photographers and company representatives did not seem remorseful about their decision to hire Robby and me. We were ushered into the studio where Robby was allowed time just to play and to adjust to the new people. He helped assemble a red wagon while I went into the back for the video interview.

I am always nervous speaking, a fact that I am sure would come as a surprise to many of my friends. After a few minutes I began to feel more comfortable. I suppose my "teacher persona" started to emerge as my answers and explanations became more natural and fluid. In any case, everybody seemed pleased with the result.

Building from the success of the video shoot, Robby was ushered back to take some still photos. We changed into our outfits, stood in front of the cameras and smiled. Robby was a trooper. He said "cheeezzzeeee" with each picture, being careful to shine his biggest gapped tooth smile. He was charming, animated and photogenic. As he hammed it up for the camera, I began to feel my anxiety melt away.

The agenda for today actually finished early because of Robby's excellent behavior and the ease of the video shoot. We were invited to dinner. Again, I was doubtful that Robby would be able to maintain good behavior, but accepting the invitation was the proper thing so I decided to take a chance.

Robby's behavior was initially mediocre to poor. He was tired, hungry and antsy. We were in a fancy restaurant. He pleaded to go to IHOP. I was planning my graceful exit when I was thrown a lifeline.

A friend with whom I've worked several conferences showed up at the dinner, and she brought her two children. Robby had other little people to talk to and to play with. He was occupied and began to behave. Again, I was relieved and grateful. I wasn't forced to abandon dinner because of Robby Rotten.

Robby was sitting across from me, between his new friend and an executive with the company. All of a sudden, he taps the man's shoulder, asking him if he "pee peed too." Obviously the man was surprised, and responded that he did not urinate. Robby's pants, the seat and perhaps more mortifying the executive's pant leg were soaked. Apparently Robby wiggled out of his diaper and peed all over the company's executive. Robby experienced his own "wardrobe malfunction."

There is no graceful way of apologizing for your child after he pees on someone. Especially when that "someone" was responsible for inviting you to a photo shoot and for bringing us to California. Robby told him that he was "sorry he pee peed on your leg" many times, and then he continued to tell him that "pee pee" should go into the potty instead of on your leg.

Today has been a true roller coaster of emotions. I started excited, and then terrified. At one point I wanted to curl up into a ball and hide from the world. I then felt happy, exhilarated and successful. Then Robby peed on our host, pushing me back into the curling up like a ball phase.

Tomorrow morning I am going to get up early and buy better diapers. I am then going to primp and go to the full day photo shoot. Hopefully Robby will behave and will be photogenic and charming and I will feel pretty and successful. More importantly, I am hoping that he will not pee on anybody!