Questions I Didn't Know I Had

I woke up early yesterday morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and homemade blueberry muffins still steaming from the oven. My first inclination was to settle in and ready myself for a day of relaxation at my mom's. And then I opened my eyes and realized that I needed to chug a cup of coffee, gulp down a muffin and hit the road. I needed to be in Pittsburgh by 10:30, and it is nearly a four hour drive.

The drive to Pittsburgh was angst-ridden. The weather did not cooperate with my travel plans and fluctuated between drizzling and hard downpours. The drive was slow, wet and miserable. I was nervous about finding the hospital and the outcome of my appointments, which certainly didn't lend to my enjoying the trip.

After nearly four hours of driving to get to the hospital, I was forced to drive through the parking garage for another 15 minutes to find a spot. Finally, the car was parked and I was at the doctor's office. It was the moment of truth; I was going to find out if I was going to take medication or if I had to undergo surgery. I was apprehensive but excited to finally have answers and resolution.

Unfortunately, the outcome of my examination and tests was not nearly as clear cut as I had hoped. I did find out that I do not qualify for the medication to treat the pituitary tumors. It was also determined that I am not a candidate for surgery at this time. Apparently my tumors fluctuate in size and the doctors would like to figure out what is causing the drastic size changes before devising a treatment plan. After a long day, I left with few answers, more tests and no treatment at this time.

I drove another four hours home, in the rain, frustrated with the situation. I just want these tumors to be gone! I have not felt like myself since August, and I am tired of simply masking the symptoms.

One positive aspect to the long drive is that I was afforded time alone to just think. I rarely go anywhere without Robby, so not having to listen to The Wiggles in the car is a luxury. I was upset when I left my appointment, but I was starting to see the situation from a different perspective by the time I pulled into my mom's driveway.

I did not receive a clear cut treatment plan, but I did learn valuable information about my health. Before this appointment I did not realize that my tumor size varied drastically among the scans. I now realize it is important to determine the causes of this variation. After all, this information could unlock my treatment plan. So, after waiting for six months for the appointment and driving all day in the rain, I learned that I will have to live a few more months with these pituitary tumors until all of the information can be collected. I am thankful that I have medication to treat the symptoms, otherwise the wait would be miserable. I wish I had more information to report, but for now I suppose I have to be happy with learning the questions that need to be answered. These are baby steps but at least it is going in the right direction.