For four months I have been dedicated to getting healthier and stronger. Although the scale has been rather stagnant lately, I've dropped another size in both pants and shirts. Despite not seeing a large fluctuation in my weight, I can't deny that I am getting smaller and stronger.
With limb pain and with obligations coming
from both family and work, I've managed to carve out time in my schedule
for the gym. Creating time to sweat has been a priority this
summer even though it means I have to
get up and start working on reports at 5 AM. Despite ample opportunities and excuses to quit, I haven't
Being a Mom, it is difficult for me to
prioritize myself. I'm so used to doing things for everybody else that I
feel guilty doing something for me. I should be proud of myself!
of feeling pride when I'm at the gym, I realized that I do nothing but
beat myself up. My internal dialog is toxic as messages of failure and
inadequacy flood my thoughts. It's amazing I go to the gym at all with
how much hate I spew towards myself when working-out!
powering through a sweaty difficult work-out, instead of feeling proud
of my accomplishment and patting myself on the back, my thoughts surge
with destructive thoughts. "You're so weak. You're fat. You're ugly.
You're a failure." These negative mantras repeat on a loop almost from
the time I enter the gym until I leave to go home.
not sure why that during the only time I dedicate to myself, I flood
with such negative energy. Instead of thinking motivational thoughts, I
lash myself with self-deprecating thoughts. It is particularly
strange because I don't feel badly about myself. I'm proud of
what I've accomplished so far and, although I'd like to be thinner, I
know that this is a journey and that if I stick with it, I'll achieve
Recognizing the problem is the first step
towards resolution. Now that I realize how toxic my thoughts are while
working out, I'm going to make a conscious decision to change the way I
think. Every time a negative thought flits into my mind I'm going to
stop the work out and give myself a compliment. I'm hoping that, by
being aware of my thoughts, I can change the way I think!