Anxious

Scott went back to work on Monday to prepare for his 21st year teaching. He is always sad to see the summer end, feelings compounded by the endless meetings confronting him before the students return to class. Speaking from experience, the preparatory meetings are the worst part of the school year.

With Scott returning to work, I have been left alone with both boys. I underestimated the difficulty of caring for both by myself. I have come to accept the unfortunate reality that I have lost considerable strength and stamina recovering from the re-amputation. Just taking care of the basic housework renders me utterly exhausted. I shudder to think about how I am going to be after Thursday's surgery!

Because of my impending surgery, I have a schedule overflowing with doctors appointments and meetings. This is precisely the reason I wanted to have the surgery earlier in the summer when Scott would be available to help. I'm frustrated that my planning didn't materialize, but I am trying to make the best of the situation. I have had no choice but to schlep both boys to all of my appointments which I have no doubt has compounded my fatigue.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my ability to walk again. Spending nearly three months on my knee scooter while trying to take care of Timmy and Robby was torturous. I may be tired now, but I also realize that my situation could be far worse. At least I'm walking and comfortable. My leg is still shrinking, which equates to my constantly adjusting my leg with socks to fill the void. I hate wearing socks, but at this point in my recovery they are a necessary evil to keep me ambulatory.  Being able to wear my leg again removes an obstacle that I feared would impede the recovery from my next surgery.

I was worried about how Robby would react to my having another surgery. It turns out that my worrying was for nothing; he is embracing the procedure. All he had to hear was "they are removing Momom's baby making parts" and his anxieties vanished.  Apparently the promise of no more siblings softened the blow of my being laid up again. Again, my worries were unwarranted. 

I will spend today finishing up errands and completing my final round of pre-op tests. I am preparing to be laid up for a week, but will feel considerably more comfortable if I create a buffer so that I don't have as much facing me when I recover. I would rather do too much, knowing that I'll be able to rest soon, than take the day off and be slammed during my recovery.  I am not looking forward to tomorrow, but I am eager to put this whole episode behind me and move forward. It has been an extremely long and difficult summer. I'm anxious to get my life back.