Bad Mom

After a long weekend, it is back to reality. Scott was home yesterday, allowing us to work together to get caught up on the housework that waited while we spent the weekend watching Robby's rock shows. Now the laundry is done and the house clean, ready for the busy week ahead.

Today I'm vowing to have a better day than I did on Friday. I hate to admit it, but I was not a very good mom on Friday. Never before have I had such a maternal meltdown and I hope that it doesn't happen again.

While we were playing downstairs, Timmy said "Momom watch this. I can make rainbow lines." Before I could stop him, he had proudly jumped on top of my cell phone. I quickly became enraged when I picked it up to discover the display screen was ruined. The glass wasn't cracked, but apparently he broke the liquid display inside. 

I was furious because he should have known better, and because I said no and he proceeded. Logically I knew that he didn't mean to break my phone, and that he was simply trying to recreate the rainbow effect he had discovered earlier when he pressed the screen too hard. Even though his breaking the phone was not his intent, it was definitely the result.  

Without thinking I herded him upstairs. Furious about my phone, instinctively I grabbed his roller skates and hurdled them off the deck into the woods. I didn't realize how far I could throw something! The skates almost flew into our neighbors yard.

Realizing that I was enraged, I sent him to his room where he stayed for two hours. During that time I fumed, cried and eventually calmed down.  I walked into the woods, retrieved his skates and put them next to the door. He was scared when I went to let him out of his bedroom. I felt pangs of guilt when I saw the fear in his little eyes.

Timmy and I spent time talking about what happened and why I was angry. He knew that he should not have jumped on my phone. I feel badly about my strong reaction but I think it made an impact on Timmy. Maybe now he will listen to me when I tell him to stop?

Scott came home with a new cell phone, which was a wonderful surprise but not entirely unexpected. He has a way of taking care of technology when it breaks down, and he knows that I rely upon the cell phone throughout the day. His thoughtful gesture did a lot to diffuse the situation.  

I am not proud of my explosion and I hope that I never experience that fury again. I felt like the worse mom in the world, despite Timmy's hugs and loving behavior throughout the rest of the day. I lost control. I am not one to yell, so hearing the volume of my voice even scared me!