The Urinator

I hesitated to share this story because it is steeped in embarrassment but I decided that has never before stopped me. The struggle with kidney stones and a UTI is intense. Last week, thoughts of urination issues were omnipresent as I was in the throws of a painful situation. 

On Friday Robby began his Enrichment Classes. Unfortunately, his school is nearly 40 minutes away which means that I spend a lot of time in the car. Typically the drive is not an issue and I have actually come to enjoy the quiet time in the car after drop off and before pick-up.  I finally found a babysitter to come to sit at the house on Friday morning so I can drive Robby to school while Timmy attends his virtual classes in his bedroom. 

Because of the urinary issues and the change in our schedule, I didn't prepare for the babysitter by getting money in advance. I knew I was going to have to stop at the ATM on the way home from dropping off Robby. The thought of having to stop concerned me (because of my weakened bladder), but I pushed it aside and carried on with getting Robby to school.

Everything was going great during the drive. My bladder felt comfortable and I wasn't experiencing any pain, so I felt confident when I parked the car and walked into the little store's ATM. As I slipped my ATM card into the machine I felt an overwhelming urgency. I knew I was doomed. 

Despite my efforts to the contrary, my bladder completely released. And it wouldn't stop. My pad filled up and began to overflow.  I stood there, at the ATM, with brightly colored urine (the UTI medication turns your urine bright orange) pooling down my legs and on the floor in front of me. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I was frozen in both urine and fear.

Finally, the world's longest pee stopped. I was mortified, turned quickly and took a large step in the direction of the counter to beg forgiveness and a mop. I slipped, losing my balance and fell in my bright orange pee puddle. An unfortunate man getting coffee nearby was the innocent victim of pee splash back from my fall. Mortified, I managed to get up while loudly apologizing to anybody and everybody before trudging my wet and humiliated butt out of the store.

Driving from the grocery store to our house, I tried to figure out how to explain my wet pants to the sitter. I decided my best option would be sneaking into the back of the house so I could change into something dirty but dry in the laundry room. It turns out that, for the first time in our family history, we were caught up on laundry and there was nothing for me to wear. Left with no options, I ran up the stairs and muttered something about spilling coffee. 

I think she believed me, but that is really the least of my concerns. I definitely need to find a new grocery store.