This year has left me feeling completely gutted. The past few weeks have been especially difficult. I’ve tried to push through, but the weight of it all feels overwhelming, leaving me raw and drained. I am fighting the overwhelming urge to hide under my covers in a dark room, but the house needs to be packed and life must proceed.
So I am packing, listening to audio books and trying to keep my mind as busy as possible. When I feel like I'm going to cry, I pack downstairs so the boys don't hear. We have been transparent about the situation, but want to shield them from my emotions as much as possible. Timmy in particular becomes upset when I cry and I want to spare him from this pain.
Today I'm going to pack a few more boxes, pack up my bag and head to visit my Mom for Thanksgiving. I'm not feeling particularly thankful or holidayish this year, but I know that time marches. Despite the turmoil that is swirling around us, the boys deserve and expect a holiday season. I'm going to do my best to fake my way through.
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