At noon today everybody will officially be on summer vacation. With massive shifts in both his class schedule and curriculum, this has been a difficult year for Scott. I know that we are both looking forward to to this much needed respite from the school year stress. Hopefully year 25 will be better than year 24!
This weekend we are celebrating both the end of the school year and Father's Day. Although I try to remain upbeat, Father's Day continues to be tough for me to navigate. I struggle between trying to make it special for Scott while fighting my own grief for my Dad.
It is hard to believe that this will be my 4th Father's Day without my Dad. Grief is weird. Sometimes feels like I just spoke with him yesterday, but at other times it feels like a lifetime since he died. My goodness do I wish I could call him right now.
Despite my missing my Dad, I want to try to make this Sunday special for Scott. This has been a rough year and he deserves to be spoiled and celebrated. I have some plans up my sleeves, but out of fear of snooping eyes I'll keep them private for now. Stay tuned!
About Me
- Peggy
- I am a below knee amputee. More importantly, I am also Mommy to two boys, a very active 10 year old (Robby) and an mischievous toddler (Timmy). I have learned that being a parent with a disability can create some unusual and sometimes humorous situations. This blogger is available for hire! Let's talk and learn how a blog can expand your business.
Friday, June 15, 2018
Thursday, June 14, 2018
Punch Card Playdates
Yesterday was overcast and muggy. With thunderstorms in the forecast for much of the afternoon and the mosquitoes holding a convention in our front yard, I packed up my computer and Timmy and headed towards one of our favorite toddler indoor playgrounds. He was excited to spend the afternoon running, climbing and sliding with new "buddies." I was able to camp out at a table and work on some projects for a few hours. If you ask me, indoor playground with free wifi are a working parent's salvation!
I am grateful to have so many play options in our area. When the weather doesn't cooperate, Timmy and I can rotate through the playgrounds so that he doesn't become bored. Always excited to explore and play, he doesn't seemed phased with my need to multitask. My purse if stuffed with enough punch cards and admission passes to last four childhoods. Over the past few months the weather has been horrendous, giving us ample opportunity to take full advantage of our punch card supply.
Even though Timmy has been occupied and happy, this dreary weather is wreaking havoc with my emotions. I am vacillating between feeling anxious, depressed and claustrophobic from the unfavorable skies. I feel out of sorts and I hate it! The older I am becoming the more I find myself needing the sun to stay emotionally centered.
I am grateful to have so many play options in our area. When the weather doesn't cooperate, Timmy and I can rotate through the playgrounds so that he doesn't become bored. Always excited to explore and play, he doesn't seemed phased with my need to multitask. My purse if stuffed with enough punch cards and admission passes to last four childhoods. Over the past few months the weather has been horrendous, giving us ample opportunity to take full advantage of our punch card supply.
Even though Timmy has been occupied and happy, this dreary weather is wreaking havoc with my emotions. I am vacillating between feeling anxious, depressed and claustrophobic from the unfavorable skies. I feel out of sorts and I hate it! The older I am becoming the more I find myself needing the sun to stay emotionally centered.
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
Hero
It has been no secret that this school year has been difficult for Scott, and by default for our entire family. On his first day back after summer vacation he learned that his program, which he has poured his heart and soul into for the past 15 years, was eliminated. Instead of working with the special education population to obtain real-life job skills, Scott was reassigned to co-teach Algebra. The transition has not been smooth.
Scott struggled with hurt feelings and resentment over the loss of his program. He also dearly missed the core group of students whom he met with every day during "Eagle Block," which was akin to a mandatory study hall. He had cultivated relationships with this particular class and was looking forward to overseeing their Senior year. Along with the demise of his program, his Eagle Block was dissolved and the students were assigned to other classes.
Even though he was not technically their teacher anymore, most of his original Eagle Block kids kept the routine of visiting Scott during the day. He was able to obtain passes from their new Eagle Block teachers so that they could maintain the tight working relationship with their original mentor. Keeping contact with this core group of students was a bright spot in an otherwise difficult year.
Yesterday "his kids" graduated. While graduations are always special, yesterday's was bittersweet. Scott was beaming with pride as he left the house to watch his students walk across the stage. This group of students are special and I know that they will always hold a fond place in his heart.
Before the graduation an essay was read at a school faculty meeting. One of the Eagle Block students wrote an essay about their hero. She chose Scott. A year that began with heartbreak ended with tears of joy.
Scott struggled with hurt feelings and resentment over the loss of his program. He also dearly missed the core group of students whom he met with every day during "Eagle Block," which was akin to a mandatory study hall. He had cultivated relationships with this particular class and was looking forward to overseeing their Senior year. Along with the demise of his program, his Eagle Block was dissolved and the students were assigned to other classes.
Even though he was not technically their teacher anymore, most of his original Eagle Block kids kept the routine of visiting Scott during the day. He was able to obtain passes from their new Eagle Block teachers so that they could maintain the tight working relationship with their original mentor. Keeping contact with this core group of students was a bright spot in an otherwise difficult year.
Yesterday "his kids" graduated. While graduations are always special, yesterday's was bittersweet. Scott was beaming with pride as he left the house to watch his students walk across the stage. This group of students are special and I know that they will always hold a fond place in his heart.
Before the graduation an essay was read at a school faculty meeting. One of the Eagle Block students wrote an essay about their hero. She chose Scott. A year that began with heartbreak ended with tears of joy.
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
Flashbacks
Yesterday my day was progressing as expected until Robby asked me the date. As soon as I said June 11th, memories came wafting over me like a tsunami. It took a moment for me to regain my balance, but for the rest of the day I felt off and sadly reflective. Twenty five years earlier, my life was changed forever.
I was babysitting when a neighbor child suffered a cardiac arrest. Although she wasn't in my care and her mom was present, I continue to be haunted by the event. If I close my eyes I can still see the lifeless body of a mischievous two year old on the kitchen table as I prepared to perform CPR. Her wet mouth and her little yellow Beauty and the Beast swimsuit against the red plaid tablecloth are visions that are emblazoned in my memories. I can still hear her Mom screaming for me to not let her baby die.
I failed to save her. Rachel was pronounced dead at the hospital later that evening. My world changed that afternoon. I struggled with guilt, grief and the constant memory loop of the event replaying in my mind for months. Rachel's death was the first time that I experienced true heartbreak. I was changed forever because of the experience.
Twenty five years have passed since that fateful afternoon, but the memories persist. Time has faded the strength of the memories and now the event is no longer omnipresent in my life. Every once in awhile I have flashbacks to that June afternoon, and the panic and grief return. Yesterday was one of those days. I found myself shaking and on the verge of tears throughout the evening. All of a sudden I felt like that scared and confused teenager grappling with the reality of her death.
With time comes wisdom and perspective. I now take solace in the fact that I remained calm and collected during an extremely tense and scary situation. At least I tried to save her. I know that there is nothing I could have done to save little Rachel. She had a congenital heart defect and had already endured multiple open heart surgeries. That knowledge has brought comfort during the aftermath of that horrible afternoon. If wishes and prayers were enough, Rachel would be alive today. Unfortunately, sometimes there just isn't anything you can do. That was a rough lesson to learn as a teen.
I was babysitting when a neighbor child suffered a cardiac arrest. Although she wasn't in my care and her mom was present, I continue to be haunted by the event. If I close my eyes I can still see the lifeless body of a mischievous two year old on the kitchen table as I prepared to perform CPR. Her wet mouth and her little yellow Beauty and the Beast swimsuit against the red plaid tablecloth are visions that are emblazoned in my memories. I can still hear her Mom screaming for me to not let her baby die.
I failed to save her. Rachel was pronounced dead at the hospital later that evening. My world changed that afternoon. I struggled with guilt, grief and the constant memory loop of the event replaying in my mind for months. Rachel's death was the first time that I experienced true heartbreak. I was changed forever because of the experience.
Twenty five years have passed since that fateful afternoon, but the memories persist. Time has faded the strength of the memories and now the event is no longer omnipresent in my life. Every once in awhile I have flashbacks to that June afternoon, and the panic and grief return. Yesterday was one of those days. I found myself shaking and on the verge of tears throughout the evening. All of a sudden I felt like that scared and confused teenager grappling with the reality of her death.
With time comes wisdom and perspective. I now take solace in the fact that I remained calm and collected during an extremely tense and scary situation. At least I tried to save her. I know that there is nothing I could have done to save little Rachel. She had a congenital heart defect and had already endured multiple open heart surgeries. That knowledge has brought comfort during the aftermath of that horrible afternoon. If wishes and prayers were enough, Rachel would be alive today. Unfortunately, sometimes there just isn't anything you can do. That was a rough lesson to learn as a teen.
Monday, June 11, 2018
Tune-Up Time
After a fantastic week with the Cousin Crew, today I am back at home and returning to reality. Robby is home from school but Scott has a few more days to finish up before he begins his summer vacation. I'm looking forward to having everybody home, although I know that the excitement I feel will eventually be replaced with the frustrations that come from the extra dishes and household activity. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the happy excitement while I'm feeling it. After all, it is a far more pleasurable emotion to experience.
I know that all of the boys are anxiously awaiting summer vacation. Robby has a lengthy list of summer adventures and Timmy is excited to have everybody home. This has been a difficult school year for Scott, and I know that he is anticipating a much needed break. Hopefully next year will be easier because I honestly don't know if he can handle another year like this one.
In anticipation of our summer fun, today I'm heading for a prosthetic tune-up. My valve broke when I was at the beach and I need to have it replaced. Thankfully I was able to remove the one from my water leg to make it through the weekend, but eventually I will need to use that leg again. (Of course, the rain has returned so swimming doesn't seem to be anything that will happening anytime soon.)
While I am there I also need to start the process to order new liners. I hate the hoops that I must jump in order to receive the basic supplies necessary for my prosthetic, but right now it is the reality. If I start the process this week, hopefully I will have the liners by July. Of course, if my doctor doesn't adequately document my limb loss (which he has failed to do in the past) the timeline will be extended. Hopefully my only liner will last that long.
I know that all of the boys are anxiously awaiting summer vacation. Robby has a lengthy list of summer adventures and Timmy is excited to have everybody home. This has been a difficult school year for Scott, and I know that he is anticipating a much needed break. Hopefully next year will be easier because I honestly don't know if he can handle another year like this one.
In anticipation of our summer fun, today I'm heading for a prosthetic tune-up. My valve broke when I was at the beach and I need to have it replaced. Thankfully I was able to remove the one from my water leg to make it through the weekend, but eventually I will need to use that leg again. (Of course, the rain has returned so swimming doesn't seem to be anything that will happening anytime soon.)
While I am there I also need to start the process to order new liners. I hate the hoops that I must jump in order to receive the basic supplies necessary for my prosthetic, but right now it is the reality. If I start the process this week, hopefully I will have the liners by July. Of course, if my doctor doesn't adequately document my limb loss (which he has failed to do in the past) the timeline will be extended. Hopefully my only liner will last that long.
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