Happy Mask

 I feel like I am teetering on the edge of a frustration meltdown. My emotions have been held so tightly for so long that, instead of healing, I have become a tinderbox ready to blow. Something has got to give, because I don't want to continue living life on the emotional edge. It isn't fun for anybody.

I'm beyond frustrated with my prosthesis. Last night I had to dismantle it (again) to create some makeshift buffers to stop the squeaking. Each time I have to take it apart I feel twangs of emotions that leave me feeling uncomfortable. I am angry that I am in a situation where I am dependent upon the device that isn't functioning properly. I recognize that I could start the process for a new leg, but I also don't have access to endless leave time to accommodate the fittings and appointments. From a practical standpoint, I need to hold steady until summer break. It stinks!

Although it isn't his fault, I find myself increasingly frustrated with the new cardiac lifestyle. There are so many variables to manage, and Scott seems to slip between which he feels is most important. I never really know if he is overly concerned with sodium, fiber or saturated fat. I know that this is new to him and that he is struggling to acclimate, but the changes in dietary focus are leaving me with whiplash. 

I also realized that I'm angry that we are a cardiac family. I know that this isn't anybody's fault and I certainly do not blame Scott for having a heart attack. I am just angry that our family now has to manage these risk factors and medical reality. I want our old carefree lives back, but I know that that life stage is over.  

Today I just want to scream and hide. Fortunately I have to work and my students deserve my best, so I'll have another great excuse to put on a happy mask. Right now, life feels very hard. 

Weekend

 After a week of feeling like I was licking a curb, I finally feel better. My nose is still a little congested, but at least I feel human again. And I recovered right in time, because this past weekend was both busy and eventful.  

Saturday was spent protesting with Robby before going clothes shopping. Rob was invited to a scholarship reception on Sunday and we realized that he had outgrown (again) his suit. While we didn't have time to secure a new suit, we did set him up with a nice pair of Dockers and a new shirt for the event. 

Sunday was dedicated to the scholarship reception. While I may never see my kids receive an Olympic medal or athletic award, I was tickled to be able to accompany my kiddo to the reception. I am always proud of him and his accomplishments, but yesterday I was especially tickled to be his Mom. I'm so proud of how well he is doing in college, and the person he is becoming.

My leg held up to the activity over the weekend, but I know that my time with this prosthesis is wearing down. I am feeling the lack of energy return with every step. As soon as the school year is over, I'm going to start the process for a new leg. I'm dreading it, but I know that it will be worth it in the end.

Do you have any suggestions for a new foot?  And if you know of a prosthetist in WV or NoVA, please let me know! 

 

 

Sick-still

 Oh my goodness, I'm so glad that it is finally Friday. This week has been made more difficult thanks to the pesky virus that has been nagging at me. By the time I come home from work my nose is bright red, my head hurts and I'm exhausted. Hopefully this weekend I will be able to rest, reset and start to feel normal again.  Being sick simply stinks!

Sick

 I managed to dodge the virus all school year, but this week my luck finally ran out. I came down with a wicked cold, leaving me worn out while sporting a bright red nose. I've been able to make it through my schedule, but I've been heading into bed at 7 pm and sleeping until morning. I miss seeing Timmy and Scott in the evening, but right now my body just needs to sleep.

After several days, I'm finally feeling a little better this morning. My head is clear and my throat and chest don't hurt as much. Hopefully I am on the mend because this cold has been miserable. I suspect I will still crash out early tonight, but hopefully I'll be well by the weekend.

I'm looking forward to the protests on Saturday! 

Race Day

 After a fantastic week at home, Robby has returned to school to finish out the semester. I know that he enjoyed being home and eating lots of homemade meals, but I also saw that he was getting antsy to return to his autonomy and friend group. He is also chomping at the bit to share the news of his scholarship with his professors.

Several months ago, he signed up for the Lucky Charm 4 Miler race with his Aunt Sheri. Wanting to perform at peak, he has trained for more than a month. He was nervous about the fourth mile because all of his other races have been the regular 5K distance, and concerned because he became ill after his last 5K. (It was nearly impossible to convince him that he was sick with the flu, which had absolutely nothing to do with the 5K.)

Despite his concerns, he did an amazing job. Sheri and Timmy crossed the finish line in less than 1 hour, which was his goal. He delighted in us cheering him on, and was especially giddy that his Dad was there to witness his triumph. Timmy wore his participation medal all day and it is now proudly hanging on his wall, in a prime location to be seen and admired during his Zoom class today. It looks like Aunt Sheri has a new race buddy because Timmy spent hours on Sunday looking for his next challenge.  

 

 

Heading to FRANCE!

 I thoroughly enjoyed the day that was "outside the scope of my contract." I slept in and relaxed around the house before doing some light shopping. At lunchtime, I took the boys for a hibachi lunch before they both received fresh haircuts. It was nice to have a random day off to just hang out and relax.

While I enjoyed the hibachi lunch, it was not the highlight of my day. In the late afternoon Robby received a call from a representative from the National World War II Museum. He was offered a full scholarship for Normandy Academy this July. He is going to be heading back to New Orleans before heading with his college peers to France for a week. 

I am unbelievably proud and excited for this opportunity. The trip has been described as life-changing, and I have no doubt that he will be transformed. Needless to say, the entire family was floating on Cloud 9 after receiving the news!  

 

OUCHY

 Our 'storm' day off school was uneventful from a weather perspective, for which I am grateful. The storm created devastation in our neighboring counties, so I am going to consider the day off work a gift and not complain. I would rather be waiting for raindrops than sitting in the dark, fearing falling trees.  Because the weather remained clear I was able to make a really nice dinner and we made a dent in our laundry mountain.

I probably could have completely finished the laundry, but my leg started to overreact in anticipation of the storm that never arrived. Phantom pain stinks, regardless of the situation. I employed all of my tricks, which provided enough relief for me to remain mobile throughout the day. By the time I slipped into the tub at night, my leg was beyond angry.

It was a rough night with stinging and kicking. This morning I'm tired and my limb feels sore from the constant cramping, but I'm again mobile. Hopefully my limb will cooperate with my schedule today!