Once Upon a Dream

I have been experiencing vivid dreams during the past few nights. I typically don't remember my dreams, and it is rare that I remember them with such details. I shudder to think of a dream analysis being conducted!

A few nights ago, I had a wonderful dream. I was back in college, just goofing around with my friends. I wasn't married and I didn't have a child. In my dream I had a strong sense of no responsibilities or stress. I was carefree.

I love my family and being a Mommy, but the dream was a fantastic escape from my life. I have to admit that I was a tad annoyed when I was awoken from my stress-free slumber by a three year old, pulling at my eyelid telling me that "Mr. Sun came up and said good morning Momom." I tried to convince Robby that we should go back to sleep, but he was not compliant.

Last night I had a dream which has left me feeling sad. I keep trying to put the dream out of my mind, but I am having a difficult time. I'm not sure why it has affected me so profoundly. In my dream, I was an amputee.

I have been an amputee since 2003. I have been able to accommodate for the loss of my limb in every aspect of my life. I consider myself to be well-adjusted; however, this was the first time that my amputation has made a presence in my dream. In a strange way, the amputation is an unwelcome intruder!

I deal with my amputation every day. I resent having to now contend with my disability in my own dreams! I have always had an escape from my limb-loss through my dreams. My subconscious has never imposed a pinched socket, an uncomfortable prosthetic or a pinch cut. I have always been a four- limbed person. Okay, sometimes I'm a cat, but that is a topic for a different blog (and perhaps some therapy.)

Last night in my dream, I was at the beach with Robby. Before we could go into the ocean, I had to switch legs. I even adjusted my liner in my dream! To add additional insult, I was walking with an obvious limb and was having a difficult time ambulating in the sand. In previous dreams, I simply would have been a mommy. In this dream, I was an amputee mommy.

I suppose that it was inevitable that my amputation would make an appearance in my dreams. It has become a natural part of my life. The presence of my amputation in my dream is probably a sign that my subconscious has accepted my disability. I hope that it is a sign of acceptance and growth.

I have decided that I don't like acceptance and growth! I don't want to be an amputee in my dreams. I want to be a sexy and beautiful superhero who saves the world, wins the Pillsbury Bake-Off and writes a book which is #1 on the New York Times Best Sellers list for 3 years! I will continue to dream big. I guess now I'll just be a one-legged sexy superhero.