My "Romantic" Weekend...

My 5 year old niece Tiffany has been itching to come to spend the weekend with her Aunt Peggy. My sister suggested that she come down on Saturday, sleeping over until Sunday. It wasn't until later that I realized she was pragmatically farming her children out so that she could have a romantic date with her husband. Smart woman!

Saturday morning I filled the back of the SUV with a few bags of trash and set about our morning errands. First stop, the county dump. We haven't had trash pick up in several weeks because of the weather, and another storm is projected for Tuesday night (trash day is Wednesday). I hand selected the smelliest bags to dispose of at the dump.

With the trash packed into the back of the SUV, the spare booster seat in place and Robby strapped into his seat, we were ready to go. Within seconds the car filled with the offensive odor of cat litter, dirty diapers and rotting chicken bones. Robby complained about the smell, but since the dump was on the way to the meeting point to pick up his playmate, we really had no other option.

I realized that I was not the only county resident with the same idea when I approached the disposal site. Cars were pulling out of the parking lot at a steady clip. I did notice that the drivers looked unhappy. I should have noticed the trash bags in their back seats before pulling in.

The dump site was closed because of the weather. I had five bags of rotting trash in my car and was already running late to pick up my niece. I knew we had to continue and try to ignore the odor as much as possible. I was hoping that the offensiveness would diminish as we became accustomed to the stench.

About twenty minutes from the McDonald's (our meeting place), Robby began to cry. Before I could stop the car, he was vomiting. He was covered with half digested scrambled eggs and a red lollipop that he apparently conned off his Daddy after breakfast.

I stopped and pulled my vomit-covered little boy out of his car seat and changed his clothes. I bundled up his dirty clothes and put them in the back, figuring that the odor from the trash might somehow kill the pervasive vomit smell. I attributed the vomiting to the motion in the back of the car meshing with the horrendous smell inside the vehicle.

Robby was fine during the rest of the drive to pick up Tiffy. After eating lunch we all piled into the stinky car and headed back to Virginia. Tiffy's excitement about sleeping over at Aunt Peggy's seemed to make her oblivious to the smell. Robby continued to complain.

Half-way home Robby began to vomit again. This time his chicken nuggets, french fries and water were spewed all over. I covered him with paper towels and drove directly home.

Apparently my little boy had a tummy bug. He continued to vomit throughout the afternoon and developed a fever. I called my sister, letting her know Robby's status and suggesting that we reschedule the sleep-over. I knew that I was ruining her romantic plans, but I also knew that she didn't want Tiffany to catch anything from Robby. We agreed to meet again after dinner so that Tiffy could go home.

I was left with the sad job of telling Tiffany that the sleep-over was going to be rescheduled. She reacted in typical five year old fashion. She poured approximately 7 ounces of blue glitter on my floor. The new kitten Charlie decided to investigate and went plowing into the colorful sparkles, spreading them everywhere!

Worn out and with an emerging headache, I packed up Tiffany and drove the 75 minutes to the McDonald's for the second time that day. She was no longer upset by the time she saw her Mommy. I promised her a week of summer fun when school was out. The promise of throwing water balloons and eating chocolate ice cream for breakfast seemed to extinguish her disappointments.

By the time I got home, Robby was in bed watching hockey with Scott. We encouraged him to sip some water which seemed to be staying down successfully. Confident that he was not becoming dehydrated, we got him ready for bed. I decided to sleep in his room in anticipation of his becoming sick.

I pulled out the sofa bed, put the vomit bowl next to the tire of Robby's race car bed and popped off my leg, propping it up. I opted to sleep with my liner on in case I needed to respond quickly. To my surprise, he fell asleep quickly and seemed to be resting comfortably. Until about 3:00 AM, when I heard him whimpering.

He started to vomit again. I turned on the light in time to see him throwing up over the side of the bed. Unfortunately, he was vomiting into my socket instead of into the vomit bowl. Apparently it is difficult for a sick toddler to distinguish between the vomit bowl and my leg in the dark.

I waited a few minutes before pouring the vomit out of my leg and into the bowl. I wiped out the inside of my socket with some baby wipes and tried to line the bottom with tissues before going to the kitchen. As I was disinfecting my socket I began to chuckle. I know that most Mommies have been vomited on, but I doubt many have had this experience!

My Valentine's weekend consisted of being trapped in vehicle for nearly 5 hours where the mingling scents of rotting trash and vomit. I spent the day running between the kitchen and the bedroom, trying to care for Robby and entertain my niece. My floor has been "decorated" with blue glitter, courtesy of my disappointed niece and the cat. And my leg has been used for a vomit bowl, which I just discovered will necessitate a visit to my prosthetist because the suction valve is now blocked with some chunks.

I saw wonderful romantic stories on the local and national news today. Romance was definitely in the air this weekend. Unfortunately the only thing "in the air" around here was unsavory odors and vomit. Is this is the glamorous side of being the Amputee Mommy?