I'm Fine... But Angry

The past few days have been torturous. I have been living with a high level of anxiety as I was eagerly waiting for the results of my biopsy. I tried to put the test out of my mind knowing that worrying was not going to impact the results. I was not successful.

At the risk of seeming dramatic, it felt like the future course of my life, at least immediately, was going to be dependent upon the telephone call that I was waiting to receive. In an attempt to gain control, I began making "worst case scenario" contingency plans. What would I do if I needed treatment? Who would take care of Robby? The horrible possibility of dying and leaving Robby haunted me day and night.

Unfortunately, I have learned that hospitals and doctors are adept at prescribing tests, but are lacking an adequate result delivery protocol. I was worked into the schedule for my biopsy within 24 hours. I was forced to wait for the results for nearly four days.

Four days, which were spent worrying, fretting and crying whenever I was alone. Four long days of jumping with each ring of the telephone only to have my heart sink when the caller ID revealed that the number was not originating from my doctor's office. Four days of trying to keep busy, and feigning happiness so that Robby would not become upset.

I have finally received the sought after results. My worrying was unfounded. My worst case scenario plans are not necessary. My biopsy was negative. I am fine.

My emotions at the moment feel odd. While I am ecstatic that I am healthy and that my biopsy was negative, my joy is mixed with anger. The turmoil I have been forced to endure the past four days has been the unnecessary because my results simply were not being communicated to my doctor.

Communication among medical personnel needs to be facilitated so that the patient does not become lost. I should not have been forced to live in a bubble of uncertainty for the entire weekend. I have learned that the lab knew my results Friday afternoon.

Both my physician and I should have received the verdict immediately. Instead, my results and, in a very real way, my future, were sitting in a stack on somebody's desk awaiting an open fax machine. The patient's feelings, my feelings, were probably never considered as a reason to expedite the delivery of the results.

With the news that I am cancer-free, I feel as if I can resume living my life. I am thankful that I am healthy, and I plan on staying proactive concerning my health. I understand that the lab technicians and doctors are busy. There are many unsung heroes within the health profession who never forget that they are dealing with a real person, not just with a cluster of cells. I regret that my biopsy did not land under the microscope of one of these individuals.

I am happy that I am cancer free. I have never taken good health for granted and this experience has caused me to value it even more. I am angry that I was forced to live in an unnecessary state of fear. I plan on communicating my experience with the hospital in the hopes that another individual never has to live with such fear and uncertainty awaiting results that have already been read. Delivering results needs to be as much of a priority as obtaining the sample!