I was hoping that we would be able to relax over the weekend, but the past few days have proven to be hectic. Saturday was spent shopping for Robby's birthday presents and party supplies. His fourth birthday was Sunday, and we were having a small family picnic. Luckily his expectations for parties at this age are limited to the presence of balloons and a cake, so I feel like we got off easy.
Sunday was filled with birthday doting and celebration. By Sunday night my living room was covered with wrapping paper, my dining room table was painted with cake icing and my kitchen was littered with train paper plates and napkins. I gave up and went to bed.
Monday morning I woke up and tackled the kitchen. Robby helped pick up the torn wrapping paper in the living room until he became side tracked with his new bug box. Scott then asked Robby if he wanted to go strawberry picking. All toys and chores were immediately abandoned in lieu of searching for shoes and finding a bucket.
Just as we were getting ready to leave, Scott smelled smoke. It did not take us long to find the source. The magnifying glass in Robby's new bug house focused the light coming through the window onto a sofa cushion. Our cushion was smoking and we were minutes away from a flame. It is terrifying to think of what could have happened; we were so lucky!
Monday was spent berry picking and playing in the sprinkler. I did manage to fit in a run. I wasn't able to run in California, a fact which has haunted me. The race is on Saturday, so I am now training with a sense of urgency. I don't want to fail.
I still hate to run, but my aversion is not nearly as strong as it was initially. I don't enjoy being out of breathe, nor do I particularly relish sweating. I am a nervous runner, worried about what I look like to onlookers but more importantly, I am fearful of falling.
Much to my surprise, I am beginning to look forward to my evening jaunts through the neighborhood. Yes, I find that I am enjoying pushing myself physically to achieve new goals. I am excited when I am able to run my route faster, or when I am less winded when I reach landmarks. I am improving and that excites me.
I suspect that, if I were completely honest, I should admit that I also enjoy the alone time running affords me. Robby and I were joined for a week in California with him being never more than 15 feet away from me. When I am running in the evening, sometimes I feel like I may be faster not because of my training but because I am running away from him and my responsibilities, albeit temporarily.
I carried my running leg to California, optimistic that I would be able to fit in a quick run. This was not the case, but I did wear it when we went to the aquarium. To my delight, the socket was comfortable and natural feeling. I did not have to stop to release the suction or to readjust the alignment. I was optimistic that my stump issues had resolved and that I would be able to continue my training without the complications of an uncomfortable prosthetic.
I was wrong. Almost immediately as I began my run, my stump began to hurt, and the knot on the front of my limb began to burn and sting. Again, I was forced to constantly stop and adjust my leg. I am again frustrated that my training is compromised because of this stupid prosthetic! I wish I could just put on a pair of shoes and run.
Unfortunately as much as it frustrates me, the reality remains that I will always have to contend with prosthetic issues. Whining does nothing to remedy the situation, although if it did I am confident everything would be resolved. I am tired of complaining about my socket, but I am also tired of having my leg hurt when I run.
I am going to make an appointment with Elliot (my prosthetist) tomorrow to see if he can help. I am feeling a lot of pressure and I am beginning to panic. I am determined not to let a socket issue keep me from finishing this race. I want not only to finish but also to finish strong!