Yes Mom, I've Abandoned

I think I have been pushing myself too hard during the past few weeks. As much as I promise myself and everybody else (especially my Mom) that I'm not going to do it, I always end up hurting myself during my Tour de France rides. This year is not proving the exception.

I rode over 50 miles each of the past few days. In fact I have ridden in excess of 300 miles during the past week. Between the hours pedaling and running everywhere with Robby, my bone spur/bursa has seen happier days. The bump is angry and is now making all of my steps painful.

Scott has noticed the increasing problems with my stump. He has remarked on numerous occasions that my limp is more pronounced. I'm not sure why, but I always become defensive when my gait is discussed. I know when I'm limping. I certainly don't need to be told that I am walking poorly, even when it is a well-meaning observation.

The bone spur/ bursa is largest in the evening, making it difficult to sleep. The area feels as if it is being burned and is sore to touch. The humidity in our area has been high, exacerbating the problem. I tend to have fewer issues with my stump when it doesn't feel like a humid swamp outside! Needless to say, my leg has been jitterbugging throughout the night, leaving me sleep deprived and not terribly jovial.

I know that a trip to my surgeon is inevitable. I have had a bone spur in the same location several years ago and the symptoms are identical. While I am not a physician, I am fairly confident that I have another spur.

Since the only remedy for the bone spur is a surgical removal, I am not anxious to make the call. Having been through the procedure, I know that it is relatively minor. Although compared my amputation, most surgeries are minor!

While I am not afraid of the surgery, I am anxious when I think about the recovery. Living without my prosthetic is miserable. I hate not being able to walk around and take care of Robby. I hate feeling dependent upon my husband and my family. I look at the calendar and try to come up with a solid month where I won't need to walk or be highly mobile. I'm still searching.

I will eventually be forced to call my surgeon, but I am not yet there. I will call when I am having more "bad" days than "good" leg days. When simply changing my activities and resting my limb no longer helps, I know it is time to proceed.

In the meantime, I regret to report that I am going to be forced to abandon the Tour three days early. I caught a glimpse of myself walking down the grocery store aisle this evening. Scott is right. My limp is pronounced.

My stump needs time to recover so that the bone spur/ bursa can calm down. I am irritable and fatigued from lack of sleep. Basically, I'm miserable and I have nobody to blame but myself. Although I hate quitting, I've concluded that my fantasy Tour ride is no longer worth the very real pain it is causing.