In many ways I feel as if this year is the last of Robby's innocence. School changes everything. I doubt that he will continue to view me as his "best buddy" when he starts school. Will he still like baking cookies when he is in school? I am dreading the first time I pick up the phone and hear a high pitch little girl asking "Is Robby there?" It will take all my strength not to hang up on her.
Robby starting school next year marks the end of my tenure as a stay at home Mommy. As Scott has repeatedly pointed out, I am going to need to return to the workforce. I have twelve months to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Time is ticking, and I'm feeling the pressure.
I am experiencing a lot of stress over letting Robby grow up and my returning to work. What do I want to do, and am I qualified? Twelve months doesn't seem like enough time to figure this out!
In an effort to try to squelch my stress, and partly in the hopes that I would experience an epiphany, last night I tried meditation. I suppose I should disclose that I have no idea how to meditate. I was inspired by the book Eat, Pray, Love. It worked for the main character, so I thought it was worth a try.
I secluded myself in the only quiet location in our house, my bedroom closet. I tried to sit cross-legged, only to develop cramps. After some experimentation, I removed my prosthetic because it was in the way. Sitting one-legged on the back of my closet with Scott's pants and shirts hanging over my head, I tried to channel my inner peace.
My inner dialog meditation went something like this:
"Hum... hum... hum.... this is nice. I'm relaxing. Hum... hum.... I've got this meditation thing down! I am the Queen Meditator. Look how Zen I am. What exactly does Zen mean?
Focus. Hum... hum...what's that smell? Wow, that's a lot of laundry. I thought Scott said he did laundry while I was in California. Figures! Oh, I'm meditating.
Hum... hum.... I mean really, how hard is it to throw laundry into the washer? It's not like he has to rub it against a rock. Focus Peggy.
Relax... deep breath. You are at peace... hum... hum... This would be a lot easier if I wasn't trying to channel my inner me next to a pile of his smelly drawers. Focus... focus... Hey, I've been looking for that sandal all summer.
Deep breathe. Ouch! Stump cramp. Why did that sweater just fall on my head? Ouch. Cramp again. Screw it, I stink at this. I'm getting too stressed out. I'm eating cake instead."