When I was going through chemotherapy, and again when I had my amputation, Scott and I both were shocked by the number of "friends" who stopped talking to us. I don't believe that they meant to be cruel. In many ways I suppose it is human nature to avoid uncomfortable situations. Not knowing what to do to help or perhaps out of fear of saying something wrong, it was easier to simply avoid us.
When I regained my health and my mobility, many of these people reentered our lives. I would be lying if I didn't admit that my opinion of these individuals hasn't been skewed by their actions. Once you have been abandoned in a time of need, it is difficult to forget what happened. I try to build walls to protect myself from the same pain should something else happen.
As much as I try to protect myself, I am frequently disappointed by my "friends" and family members. My walls never seem to be fortified enough to protect myself from thoughtless and insensitive acts. During the past few weeks I have found myself investing more time than I would like evaluating relationships, and I have come to some conclusions.
I am tired of being hurt. I am weary of one-way friendships where I do all the work and receive little in return. I feel as if I am a little puppy dog being led around and manipulated. I am better than that, and I deserve better friends.
This blog is my declaration that I am no longer going to actively participate in "one-way" relationships. I am realizing that I have a lot to offer. I am releasing the insecurities which kept me bound to dysfunctional relationships. My contact list on my phone may be smaller, but I know that I can call any of those numbers and reach a friend.