I hate admitting that I'm an emotional wreck, but since I'm writing this between sobs, I suspect that I can't deny it any longer. My raw emotions are probably due to the pituitary tumors (that's my excuse, anyway), but knowing the cause certainly doesn't make the feelings any less intense. I hate feeling this way!
During the past few weeks I have been in the process of clearing our house of unneeded clutter. Between Craigslist and Ebay we've been able to pad our bank account and gain more space in our house. I've sold underused yard equipment, appliances which were duplicates or unneeded, and a variety of toys that Robby has outgrown.
Last night I sold the Thomas the Train battery powered ride-on toy that Robby got from Santa for his second Christmas. He adored that train. It feels like yesterday that he was sitting on Thomas, going around in circles on the track constructed through our living room. He was such a happy little engineer.
Somehow several years have passed and I'm not sure where the time went because Robby is going to kindergarten next year. I can't believe that he is old enough to go to school. I'm just not ready to let him go.
I miss hearing his Thomas the Train horn and the peels of laughter as he circled the living room. He outgrew the train and it has been in our garage for at least a year. I know that another child will enjoy it. Still, for some reason it is hard letting this one go.
I feel silly crying over a train that I willingly agreed to sell. I should be happy for the money and for the space that will be created in our garage. I recognize that he is growing up and changing, and I love watching him grow up and discover new things. At the same time I miss the little baby that I used to hold and the toddler who adored his train.
Someday soon I will no longer be his best buddy. I'm glad that today I still am. I'm going to wipe my tears, take a deep breathe and put the future out of my mind. To avoid a complete meltdown, I need to focus on today. I'm going to sip a cup of coffee and watch Little Bear with my little guy. This afternoon, I think we'll decorate our gingerbread houses.
About Me
- Peggy
- I am a below knee amputee. More importantly, I am also Mommy to two boys, a very active 10 year old (Robby) and an mischievous toddler (Timmy). I have learned that being a parent with a disability can create some unusual and sometimes humorous situations. This blogger is available for hire! Let's talk and learn how a blog can expand your business.
I could see myself in every word that you wrote and I can understand the process you are going through. All I can say is that it just keeps getting better in the relationship with your children. I have two and my wife and I talk all the time about how much fun and how gratifying it is to see them as adults, facing the world. We could not love them more. I know my wife misses the babies part but I enjoy having such a strong bond to them now. You will always have that strong bond with Robbie and the memories to cherish. You guys will move through the next stages of your lives and experiences together! Smile, there is goodness there!!
ReplyDeletePeggy, my 10 year old son still looks to me for hugs and comfort. Don't underestimate the bond between mother and son. Just last night I had my giant 10 year old, in his underwear, snuggled next to me on the couch, asking to be tickled. It changes, for sure, but gets better in so many ways. I understand how you feel now, but don't worry about losing Robby's affection. They'll always be our babies.
ReplyDeletesending a hug and passing a tissue. The holidays are a mixture of happiness and memories that tug at our hearts. You have every right to morn--but don't let it overcome you for long--enjoy every minute of Robby because each step is amazing. I've got 4 that have put me through those emotions--one who is turning 20, has a girlfriend (serious) and is in college--he was my first baby and an avid Thomas the tank fan. I miss those times with watching the movies together, playing with his little die cast versions and even pushing him in his Thomas the tank toy box on wheels. Those are just sweet memories now--but the amazing man who has become my friend as well as son still has many amazing memories to create.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, to try and make you smile. I was cleaning the kids bathroom yest. to get it looking better for Christmas with the family at my house. I opened a drawer which I had designated for a twin so they each have a drawer to keep deo., toothbrush--and for one his bathroom reading material... Well I was putting away the stuff on the counter that they forget to put in the drawer when I opened it and stuffed to the rim was cut out pictures from my Victoria Secret sales mag! My 17yr old daughter was there with me helping and when she saw the drawer she ran out of the bathroom screaming she was blind and sick to her stomach lol. After thinking about how to explain to my 12yr old soon to be 13--that first it's my mail they are taking (I hadn't even seen the mag., they snuck them past me. and since their bathroom is basically my main bathroom for guest's, stuff like that shouldn't be so easily spotted lol (that was hubby's reasoning and said I had to except my babies were at an age that they were curious) Well when we had the parental conversation with them while trying not to die of embarrassment or embarrass them--they admitted to taking the mag. cause the models were 'hot' and cutting the pics so they could take them to school to sell!!!! I'm still getting my mind around that, but see--there are MANY interesting moments and memories coming lol
There is a traditional solution to the problem of underused baby toys.
ReplyDelete