An Open Letter To Santa

Dear Santa Claus,

I have tried to be good this year. Sometimes I become frustrated and cry (and occasionally yell), but my pouting has been kept to a minimum. Although I am now 36 years old, I still believe in you!

I know that this time of year you are inundated with wish lists from around the world. Your sleigh is being loaded and space is probably at a minimum. This year, in lieu of presents, I would like to make a deal with you. In return for all the cookies you can eat, I would like to borrow your team of handy and talented elves for a few days. You see Santa, this year all I want for Christmas is for things around my house to be fixed.

Santa, you of all people know that I love to bake. Robby and I have spent numerous hours toiling in the kitchen, whipping up a variety of tasty concoctions. We always share what we create. Robby is particularly fond of giving cookies to Mr. Bill and the firemen at the firehouse.

It's a good thing that the firemen know us now, because if my oven doesn't get fixed soon I predict that they will be visiting us soon. In order to turn my oven on and off, I now have to slide the heavy appliance away from the wall, crawl behind it and plug it in. I dread having to change the temperature on the oven because I must again crawl behind it, unplug it and then plug it back into the outlet after waiting no fewer than 15 seconds.

I am not an acrobat, and the contortions I must assume to reach the plug are difficult with one leg. I worry about being electrocuted. I don't expect a new stove, but perhaps you could ask your elves to bring their tools to fix the broken control panel on my oven.

I'm assuming that, somewhere in your army of toy builders, you have an elf that is good with drywall. I have several holes in my ceiling that need to be patched. I know that you are busy this time of year, so I can paint the ceiling myself after they are repaired. Please Santa, the cold air is rushing through the holes despite the plastic barrier I put in place.

Santa, I try to keep the house clean but it is difficult. None of my cleaning tools seem to be functioning properly. My vacuum constantly becomes clogged and I have to hold the cord over my shoulder for it to turn on. My carpet cleaner is held together with duct tape, and Robby broke the handle on my broom. My back hurts from stooping over to sweep the floor with my pint sized broom!

The light switch needs to be pushed down and to the left in order for the light to stay off in the hallway. We can't reach the light bulbs in the kitchen ceiling so the room is becoming darker with each one that burns out. My built in microwave oven has been converted into a breadbox because it hasn't worked in nearly two years! If you have an electrician elf and one who is comfortable on a ladder, you might want to bring them along.

Right now it feels like everything is either broken or falling apart around me, and I am feeling overwhelmed. Santa, I would be grateful if you would talk with your elves about coming to help me. This is the chance for your elves to emerge from behind the scenes into the limelight!

Thank you, Santa!
Love, Peggy

P.S. I would offer to pick up any materials you need, but my car battery is unreliable, forcing me to drive with a battery charger in the trunk.