My Last Day :(

I can't believe that Kindergarten starts on Monday. It feels like just yesterday I was watching Robby take his first steps. Didn't he just learn to say my name? He is growing up too fast, and it is tearing me apart.

I realize that I must sound pathetic lamenting Robby going to the "K word." I thought I would be ready to let him go--but I have come to the conclusion that I will never be prepared. I am simply going to have to do it and return home and cry until I pick him up. Mr. Bill promised to be on his porch with a cup of coffee (with a nip of brandy should it be necessary) and to keep me company on my first day of solitude.

Today is the last day that Robby and I will go through our normal routine. Although our schedule has modified and adjusted over time, we have remained fairly predictable during the past five years. Monday morning, everything will change.

I'm going to miss our lazy mornings together. I love him curling into me as I sip my coffee and he drinks his milk. We've probably read a library full of books in bed over the years! Monday, I will give him breakfast, pack him up and drive him to school. Full days at home will no longer be his norm.

He is going to be making new friends and having experiences without me. I know that this is normal and that he needs to break away in order to grow and learn. Still, I wouldn't be true to myself if I didn't acknowledge the pain I am feel in letting him go. I never imagined that being a mother would bring heartache and joy simultaneously. Sometimes, these seemingly conflicting emotions somehow work together.

With time, I know that we will both adjust to the change. I've been assured by scores of Moms that I will enjoy the time to myself. I will be working for my prosthetist, and the added income is a welcome relief. I won't have trouble filling the time, but I will be missing my little buddy!

Intellectually I know that his growing and spreading his wings is a good thing. We'll adjust to the schedule change and forge a new routine. That being said, I hate change! This morning I suspect I'm going to try to cuddle a little longer and read a few extra books as I desperately try to stop time. I know that Monday will be here before I know it, and, while he is excited beyond belief, I am having a difficult time. Would somebody please pass the cyber tissues? I think I'm going to shed a lot of tears this weekend.