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I am a below knee amputee. More importantly, I am also Mommy to two boys, a very active 10 year old (Robby) and an mischievous toddler (Timmy). I have learned that being a parent with a disability can create some unusual and sometimes humorous situations. This blogger is available for hire! Let's talk and learn how a blog can expand your business.

Friday, December 16, 2011

How to Help?

I doubt many know that my first dealing with health issues occurred during adolescence. When I was 14 I became ill with what we thought to be the flu. We realized that the diagnosis was incorrect when I didn't quickly recover. I remained sick for the next three years.

My attendance at school was sporadic at best. I was commonly absence for months at a time as the doctors tried to find a diagnosis. Finally, after years of mental and physical pain, we discovered the culprit: I had contracted Lyme disease. Unfortunately the disease went undiagnosed which allowed it to spread neurologically. Two bouts of IV antibiotics, and several months later, I finally regained my strength to return to school full time my senior year.

The teen years are a difficult time to be struggling with illness. I was isolated from my peers and essentially "forgotten" by my circle of friends. I learned a lot through this experience, perhaps most valuable was the importance of reaching out to others when they are struggling. Being sick is miserable, but being sick and forgotten is a pain that cannot be described.

Perhaps understanding the importance of supportive friends cannot be appreciated unless you have felt the isolation that often accompanies an illness or life changing event. I suspect that avoidance of uncomfortable situations is human nature because it seems to be the instinct of so many. When somebody is diagnosed with cancer, becomes ill, or loses a limb, friends and family often fade into the background because they don't know what to say or how to react to the situation.

I am often contacted by friends and family members of a new amputee. They want to know how to help, but they also want to know what they shouldn't do. They don't want to say or do the wrong thing to make the situation worse. Staying away and avoiding their loved one is, by far, worse than saying or doing something "wrong."

Fear of offending the friend should never keep somebody from reaching out. A new amputee knows that they no longer have their limb. It isn't a topic that should be avoided out of a fear of causing pain. I have yet to meet a new amputee who doesn't have the need to talk about the loss! Sometimes having those "this really sucks" feelings validated by a caring friend helps speed the healing process.

Whatever the obstacle being faced by a friend, it is never wrong to reach out and offer support. Please don't assume that others are offering a caring ear and words of encouragement. I know from experience that there can never be too much love and support during difficult times!

4 comments:

  1. so true! I take care of my terminally ill brother who at one time had a wife, kids and many friends. When his disease first started the ex-wife and his kids and friends swore they would always be there for him and me... well the kids show up on holiday's and when they are guilted or need money, and the friends made one visit this year as a group, spent a afternoon with promises to be back... that hasn't happened. It's so sad, I know these friends and family will be saying they wished they could have spent more time, or say how great my brother was or is on fb. I watch my brother wither away, trying to raise my children and help them to understand and hold down a full time job and take care of my brother, it's exhausting and so hard--it would be wonderful if one of those friends or his children would stop by and spend even a few min. a week with him before it's to late... sorry for the rant, this is a painful subject for me and the late hour and holidays make it worse.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I recognize a few things hrre. I had a colleague who was diagnosed with leukemia. I am not sure but quite certain that some of his "friends" avoided him. I didn't. We were good friends until he died a few years later.
    And then there was this former neighbour who had been diagnosed with bone cancer. The doctor made some terrible mistakes before he made the correct diagnosis. This caused him to live through a lot of pain before he lost his leg... and his life soon afterwards because the cancer had spread to his lungs. But again I saw no reason to avoid him or the subject. And I will never be able to understand why some people do...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I recognize a few things hrre. I had a colleague who was diagnosed with leukemia. I am not sure but quite certain that some of his "friends" avoided him. I didn't. We were good friends until he died a few years later.
    And then there was this former neighbour who had been diagnosed with bone cancer. The doctor made some terrible mistakes before he made the correct diagnosis. This caused him to live through a lot of pain before he lost his leg... and his life soon afterwards because the cancer had spread to his lungs. But again I saw no reason to avoid him or the subject. And I will never be able to understand why some people do...

    ReplyDelete