I spent all day yesterday wallowing in both pain and frustration as I have not experienced this intensity of pain since my amputation. Every time I move my residual limb, I feel pain. The constant struggle to find a comfortable position, the cramping and the omnipresent soreness is reminiscent of the first few days following my amputation surgery. To be succinct, I am utterly miserable!
I am angry that something as
benign as a stick could wreak such havoc in my life. In a second
everything has been turned upside down. The excitement about our much
anticipated cruise has morphed to sheer chaos as Scott and I try to
figure out the logistics of my traveling without a prosthesis. It feels
like our dream family vacation has been ruined because I slipped on a
stick, and the reality that I will not be able to fully enjoy the cruise
because of my injuries makes me angry beyond explanation.
has been a long time since I have been confined to a wheelchair.
Everything, from personal care to being situated in a restaurant, is
more laborious when a wheelchair is involved. In addition to the level
of inconvenience and difficulty that result from relying upon a chair, I
am dreading the stares that await me. I am accustomed to the stares
that are generated by my prosthesis. The stares that come from my being
in a wheelchair are those of pity, not curiosity. I hate being pitied!
apologize for not having a more positive outlook on the situation. I
realize that so many are confronting more disabling issues than mine,
and that in their eyes I must appear petty. However, my knowing that
others are worse off does not invalidate my feelings in this moment.
Right now I am hurting, disappointed, and sad. I'm hoping that things
will start looking up tomorrow!