Recovery

I spent all day yesterday wallowing in both pain and frustration as I have not experienced this intensity of pain since my amputation. Every time I move my residual limb, I feel pain. The constant struggle to find a comfortable position, the cramping and the omnipresent soreness is reminiscent of the first few days following my amputation surgery. To be succinct, I am utterly miserable!

I am angry that something as benign as a stick could wreak such havoc in my life. In a second everything has been turned upside down. The excitement about our much anticipated cruise has morphed to sheer chaos as Scott and I try to figure out the logistics of my traveling without a prosthesis.  It feels like our dream family vacation has been ruined because I slipped on a stick, and the reality that I will not be able to fully enjoy the cruise because of my injuries makes me angry beyond explanation.

It has been a long time since I have been confined to a wheelchair. Everything, from personal care to being situated in a restaurant, is more laborious when a wheelchair is involved. In addition to the level of inconvenience and difficulty that result from relying upon a chair, I am dreading the stares that await me. I am accustomed to the stares that are generated by my prosthesis. The stares that come from my being in a wheelchair are those of pity, not curiosity. I hate being pitied!

I apologize for not having a more positive outlook on the situation. I realize that so many are confronting more disabling issues than mine, and that in their eyes I must appear petty. However, my knowing that others are worse off does not invalidate my feelings in this moment. Right now I am hurting, disappointed, and sad. I'm hoping that things will start looking up tomorrow!