Yesterday morning my heart sank when Robby whispered, "No kisses today, okay" as I dropped him off at school. I'm proud of myself for simply saying "okay" instead of wrapping my arms around him and sobbing. I think my seemingly casual response demonstrates growth!
looked calm on the outside, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I was
deflated by his request. He used to offer me huge hugs before I left
each morning. Yesterday I was asked to refrain from kissing, but I'm
sure that in the not so distant future he'll prefer I stay 10 feet away
and avoid eye contact. Why does he have to grow up so fast?
glutton for more punishment, I decided it would be an apt time to work
on a project I have been avoiding. I grabbed some boxes, a handful of
trash bags, and headed into the abyss. I knew it was time to tackle
weeding out Robby's closet and toy box.
I hate going through
Robby's clothes not because I dislike the work but because of the
emotions that surface when I realize how many of his things he has
outgrown. The now outgrown clothes are a concrete reminder that he is
growing up. Regardless of what I promise myself, I always end up wiping
away tears as I try to push away the memories that surface.
to separate from the flooding memories, I tried to approach the closet
with an automated mentality. I worked quickly, simply separating clothes
by size and refusing to look at the garment. I knew that if I stopped
to look at the clothes I would start thinking. In this situation, I knew
that thinking was a bad thing!
After working for two hours I
successfully cleaned out his closet, toy boxes and bookshelves. I
compiled four bags of clothes and numerous boxes of toys and books to
donate. I felt a slight pang of sadness when I realized how many of his
clothes were outgrown, but the now spacious and clean closet provided
some solace. Satisfied with a job well done and proud of myself for not
crying, I put on my coat and headed over to Mr. Bill's for a visit and
some chocolate. (I keep my chocolate in his freezer to thwart bingeing.)
and I never talked about his "no kiss" request but he did smother me
with kisses when he came home from school. I suspect that his growing up
will be difficult for both of us. No matter how many clothes he
outgrows, he will always be my little boy!