No Kisses

Yesterday morning my heart sank when Robby whispered, "No kisses today, okay" as I dropped him off at school. I'm proud of myself for simply saying "okay" instead of wrapping my arms around him and sobbing. I think my seemingly casual response demonstrates growth!

While I looked calm on the outside, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I was deflated by his request. He used to offer me huge hugs before I left each morning. Yesterday I was asked to refrain from kissing, but I'm sure that in the not so distant future he'll prefer I stay 10 feet away and avoid eye contact. Why does he have to grow up so fast?

Always glutton for more punishment, I decided it would be an apt time to work on a project I have been avoiding. I grabbed some boxes, a handful of trash bags, and headed into the abyss. I knew it was time to tackle weeding out Robby's closet and toy box.

I hate going through Robby's clothes not because I dislike the work but because of the emotions that surface when I realize how many of his things he has outgrown. The now outgrown clothes are a concrete reminder that he is growing up. Regardless of what I promise myself, I always end up wiping away tears as I try to push away the memories that surface.

Trying to separate from the flooding memories, I tried to approach the closet with an automated mentality. I worked quickly, simply separating clothes by size and refusing to look at the garment. I knew that if I stopped to look at the clothes I would start thinking. In this situation, I knew that thinking was a bad thing!

After working for two hours I successfully cleaned out his closet, toy boxes and bookshelves. I  compiled four bags of clothes and numerous boxes of toys and books to donate. I felt a slight pang of sadness when I realized how many of his clothes were outgrown, but the now spacious and clean closet provided some solace. Satisfied with a job well done and proud of myself for not crying, I put on my coat and headed over to Mr. Bill's for a visit and some chocolate. (I keep my chocolate in his freezer to thwart bingeing.)

Robby and I never talked about his "no kiss" request but he did smother me with kisses when he came home from school. I suspect that his growing up will be difficult for both of us. No matter how many clothes he outgrows, he will always be my little boy!