I have received several emails during the past few weeks that have been disturbing. After processing the sexually graphic messages, it didn't take me long to realize that I was dealing with an aggressive devotee. As if living my life without my foot wasn't frustrating enough, I must contend with those who possess a fetish about limb loss.
After blocking his emails and logging his name in my personal "devotee watch list," I decided to do embark on a little cyber-sleuthing. Before I began, I made sure to tinker with the settings on my Hotspot Shield VPN. I wanted to make sure that my computer remained as untraceable as possible, especially when I knew the sites I would be visiting.
I began by typing the sender's name into Google. Immediately several websites popped up, each with the same repugnant theme. I am not going to name the websites for two reasons: I don't want to give them undo publicity and I don't particularly want my blog listed among them during searches. Although I am not naive when it comes to devotees and wannabes (individuals who yearn to live without one or more limbs), I become both confounded and disgusted whenever I delve into the abyss of their cyber world.
The websites I uncovered were particularly graphic and repulsive. Details concerning methods of self-amputation were not only provided but also were advocated. Despite my attempts at comprehending the thought processes involved, I will never understand why somebody would desire to live without a limb. I love my life, but I would never have chosen to live as an amputee. There are too many frustrations, pains, and inconveniences involved for it to be a life ambition.
My amputation was considered "medically elective" simply because it was not a life-threatening situation. I could have lived with my broken foot, but it would have been an existence of constant pain and surgeries. I opted to amputate because my foot wasn't functional, not because I desired a life without my limb. I am not in the same category as the wannabe, and I find the insinuation utterly repulsive.