Frustrated and Done

Yesterday morning my doctor called. I wasn't surprised by the call, and to be honest, I knew what she was going to say before I even answered. As predicted, my thyroid levels continue to be elevated and they were going to increase my medication (for the third time.)

My thyroid issues started several years ago with my becoming extremely ill. Numerous tests finally yielded an answer, and although I wasn't happy with the diagnosis, I have come to accept it. Despite the elevated levels, my thyroid gland is healthy. I was diagnosed with cluster tumors on my pituitary gland which cause increased secretions from my thyroid.

Between the time that I was diagnosed and the appointment with the "specialists" at the University of Pittsburgh, the cluster tumors went dormant. I was told that surgery was not recommended because they were not "ripe" and the risk of trying to remove them outweighed the benefits. Since I was not eager to undergo neurological surgery, I didn't complain and took the diagnosis as good news.

I have learned (through first hand experience) that cluster tumors often "ripen" during periods of great hormonal shifts, especially pregnancy. My numbers are surprisingly high considering the dosage of medication I had been taken. This, along with my history, leads the team to believe that the clusters are perfectly plump and ready to be removed.

Although I won't undergo the imaging tests until after the baby is born, I have been informed that I should expect surgery approximately 8 weeks after delivery. Surgery near my brain is not something that I want to experience; the timing makes it especially unappealing.

I was looking forward to bonding and cuddling with the new baby. Now I have to anticipate and plan for my surgical recovery instead of simply adjusting to being a Mom of two. I know I'll work my way through this, but at this moment I am both frustrated and angry. I know that it resolves nothing to admit, but sometimes I just want to shake my fist and scream "This isn't fair!"