About Me

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I am a below knee amputee. More importantly, I am also Mommy to two boys, a very active 10 year old (Robby) and an mischievous toddler (Timmy). I have learned that being a parent with a disability can create some unusual and sometimes humorous situations. This blogger is available for hire! Let's talk and learn how a blog can expand your business.

Friday, December 06, 2013

Keeping it Classy...

I have been having trouble sleeping which has led to my functioning on fumes throughout the day. I feel like much of the time I have been living in a fog, distanced from deliberate thought processes and operating on autopilot. Unfortunately, sometimes autopilot fails. 

Yesterday morning after dropping off Robby at school, I went to the grocery store. I knew I had only a few items to pick up, but the fact that I am easily winded makes shopping more laborious and less fun. Regardless, I had to pick up some staples or I was going to have to serve Fruit Loops for dinner. I wanted to make the trip as quick as possible, so I stuck to my list and checked out quickly.

Carrying my two grocery bags, I fumbled with my keys to press the unlock button for my car. I heard the familiar "beep beep" of my car doors unlocking, and opened the door to the black SUV. I tossed the bags on the center console and sat down. Relieved to finally be able to sit down and relax, I was also anxious to release copious amounts of gas which I had been trying to hold in while in public. After letting out a toot which would have impressed Robby, I proceeded to close the door and get ready to drive home. I was clicking the seat belt when the smell came wafting up and became overwhelming. Obviously I have been living with males for too long because I found myself saying out loud, "Man it's a good thing I didn't let that rip in the store." 

I imagine my surprise when I heard a raspy voice say "I'm not so sure about that." I looked in the passenger seat and saw an elderly man, quietly sitting. Then I looked at the dashboard and realized that it was grey whereas mine is brown.  It took me several (extremely long) seconds to process my situation. Crap--I was in the wrong car!

Mortified that I had entered a strangers car and tooted noxious gas in his presence, I frantically began spewing apologies. I am sure that I was nonsensical, and I wanted to run away and hide. After offering numerous explanations and profound apologies for farting in the wrong car, I did the only thing I could think of to do.  I swung open the door and ran towards my sanctuary of my black SUV.

I couldn't move fast enough to escape my humiliation. At this point, all I wanted to do was go home. I turned on the car, took a deep breath and prepared to put the entire incident behind me. I looked up and saw the kind gentleman walking up, carrying my grocery bags. In my haste I had left my groceries in his car!  So much for my chances of a graceful exit.


  1. I don't know... that's pretty good, but at least it was only in front of one person. I still say my sprog spewing cheese curlz in the lettuce display in front of a dozen shoppers beats it. He ruined a lot of lettuce that day. Chances are, too, since it was an elderly man, he's let fly enough gas to think it's just funny. Chin up and giggle!!

  2. "Crap--I was in the wrong car!" More appropriate words have never been spoken.....

  3. Thank you for making me laugh like a drain on a Monday morning!
    (But sorry you're so tired and uncomfortable :-(