Warning- I am Whining

It has been nearly five weeks since we welcomed Timmy (aka Hamlet) into our family. The transition has not been smooth, but I suppose it is going as well as can be expected. For the most part Robby, has taken to ignoring his little brother, which I suppose is far better than when he tried to list him on Ebay. As far as I'm concerned, we're making progress towards acceptance, so I'll consider it a success.

The past five weeks have been physically difficult for me, and at the risk of complaining, I'm beginning to feel broken. Timmy's intense feeding and holding schedule are brutal. Coupled with the infection and liver contusion with which I am also contending,I now feel like I am sleepwalking on autopilot. It has been so long since I haven't been in pain that I am beginning to doubt that I will ever feel healthy again!

I've been told by every health professional that the best thing I can do to heal my body is to rest. Dictating rest to a mom of a newborn seems absurd. Plumping up Timmy is my priority, and his needs will always trump mine.  Unfortunately, this choice also means that it is going to take me longer to recover and heal. I need to relax and show patience, neither of which has ever been my attribute.

The other day Scott took a picture of me sitting with my two boys. I was shocked when I saw the image. It looked like I had been sitting in the make-up chair of a Zombie movie. My skin tone was grey, unattractively offset by the deep purple circles under my eyes. Yikes! It was the first time I actually saw the effects of my health and lack of sleep.  I'm glad I work from home; I would certainly scare co-workers if they had to look at me!

I apologize if this blog reads like a complaint. I will return to my optimistic self soon, but today I'm tired and not feeling well.