Happy Facade

I was surprised by my emotional fluctuations yesterday. Some years my ampuversary barely registers a blip on my radar while other years it hits me over the head like a lead weight.  I can't say that yesterday was a lead weight day, but I was more melancholy than I would care to admit. I prefer the years when the date evokes little emotional response.

I spent much of the day struggling to stay in the moment when my mind kept wandering back to 14 years ago. I probably would have been better off if I had allowed myself to break down and cry in the morning when the mood struck, but for some reason I felt the need to be stoic. I really should know by now that not being true to my emotions always ends up hurting me more in the long run!

Instead of permitting myself to cry and reflect, I tried to force a happy demeanor throughout the day. By the time I put Timmy to bed I was fatigued from putting up a jovial facade all day. I was happy to retreat to bed, to cry and to put another year between me and that difficult day.

Today is July 4th, and we have a fun family day planned.  Robby and Scott are going indoor skydiving (thanks Groupon) and then we are all going to head to the pool. With the ampuversary behind me, I'm optimistic that my smile won't be fake today!