Mr. Bill

While our new neighbor his kind, I still miss Mr. Bill. I used to visit with him daily, just chatting while sitting in his glider.  Without his company and friendship, this neighborhood has become very lonely. For the most part I've adjusted to the solitude, but I continue to miss him. I hear from Mr. Bill every few months. We call each other to chat and to check-in. Phone calls are nice, and our rare in-person reunions are always too short for our conversations. 

Last week I heard from Mr. Bill. I hadn't spoken with him in several months and I was beginning to worry. When I saw his number pop onto my caller-id, I felt a surge of relief. After catching up on the kids and my work, he started into his most recent adventure.

 It turns out that his first ex-wife, with whom he shared a volatile yet passionate relationship, moved down to Florida and ended up living in the community about 15 miles from his house. He ran into her at the grocery store and, according to him, almost knocked over a whole display of pineapples trying to scurry away without being seen. She saw him and, because she "has a nice rack for being in her 80s," he gave her his phone number.  She apparently calls him all the time, inventing reasons for him to visit.

Then at the beginning of September Mr. Bill's second wife (the mother of his children) moved down to be closer to the kids. For some background, she cheated on him so he slept with her sister. They are not friendly although he does try to remain cordial. She now lives down the street and he sees her daily. 

Fast forward to three weeks ago when his third (and final) ex-wife Charlotte showed up at his front door, begging him back.  Charlotte is the ex-wife who used to send her panties to him in the mail. Those unboxings were fun! I remember little Robby pulling out the panties and Bill saying, "Well buddy, let me tell you. They used to be a lot smaller." Charlotte and Mr. Bill dated again before he moved to Florida, but he broke it off because she wouldn't kiss him in the parking lot of Bonefish Grill.    

According to Mr. Bill, the scene unfolded in the following order.

He heard the doorbell so he put on pants to answer. 

He opened the door and saw Charlotte standing in front of him, wearing bright red lipstick and a very low cut shirt. 

She announced that she missed him and moved in down the street. 

He realized that she is now living in the same community as his first ex-wife.  

He began to feel light headed. 

His daughter made him sit down. 

Mr. Bill was then rushed to the hospital.

He is recovering from a minor heart attack. 

He assured me that he is fine and, aside from dealing with the ex-wives from his youth, he is doing well.