Insecure

 Yesterday I attended a mandatory group parent meeting at Timmy's school. I dread these meetings because I am not great at socializing and schmoozing. I always feel awkward and insecure as soon as I walk into a large group of new people. I try to feign confidence hoping that it is believed, but I am not sure I am successful. Knowing that I am mingling with the parents of Timmy's classmates only increases my anxiety. I don't want to end up embarrassing him!

Pulling our 300,000 mile worn work-horse of a Highlander into a parking lot filled with Teslas, Mercedes and Cadillac Minivans, it is diffficult to mask the different priorities of our lifestyles. Despite my best efforts, I am never as stylish or put together as the other mothers. My "good" sweater pales in comparison to their stylized looks. I really don't want to care, but I do.

At my core, I wish that I didn't care about the impression that I am making. I wish that I had the natural tenacity to walk into new situations like a boss. Instead, I often find myself slinking into the back of the room, hoping to be noticed but not really seen. The level of inadequacy I feel during these parent meetings astounds me.