Glitter Bomb

I decided it was time to finally put away my Christmas dishes. I realize that we are only a few months away from my pulling them out again, but I was feeling inspired to clean. Thankfully Robby is tall and can easily reach my top cabinet, making the swap easy. After moving some mailing tubes that I had stowed, he quickly pulled down my summer dishes and replaced my Christmas dishes on the top shelf. 

I told  Robby to put the mailing tubes on the counter with the intention of storing them somewhere else. (I knew that they were not benign mailing tubes, but I was certainly not telling him!) I had every intention of hiding the tubes- but I became busy and completely forgot. 

In the middle of the night I felt a tapping on my shoulder and I heard Timmy talking. "Momom, don't be a grumpy momom but I may have made a wee tiny teeny little mess." I opened my eyes and they focused on my glitter covered sparkling little cherub. 

The 'mailing tube' that Robby discovered was actually a glitter bomb. (I bought it on sale a few years ago as a gag gift and I never sent it.)  But it wasn't just a regular glitter bomb.  That would be too boring. I had purchased the adult themed glitter bomb, and I had it supersized with more glitter. In the middle of the night, my curious little kid opened up a mailing tube only to have 1/4 pound of penis and sperm shaped glitter blow in his face and all through my kitchen.

Timmy began to explain that he opened a tube and that it exploded with glitter, but the fact that he looked like a glittery x-rated ghost left little doubt. I began to fumble to put on my leg while pleading with Timmy to stop moving. With every step and every arm movement he threw plumes of colorful sperm and penises into the air. My bedroom was quickly transforming into the scene from a strip club with plumes flying through the air. With as little movement as possible we retraced his colorful trail to the bathroom where I stripped him down and put him into the shower. 

This was an all-hands on deck situation, so Robby was roused from bed to help with cat control. Scott and I tried to clean the glitter from the kitchen, although I know that it will persist long after we move, while Robby kept the cats and the dog away from the rainbow sperm that were settling on every surface.  

Do you know how much 1/4 pound of glitter can cover in a kitchen?  Everything. It covers absolutely everything. I am certain that I will find glittery sperm and penises until we move. 

If you find a glitter bomb on sale, make sure you always keep it away from your kids!