Next Steps

 My Aunt Judy, my Dad's beloved older sister, passed away peacefully a few weeks ago. Judy has been sick for the majority of my life and, although she was the source of adoration for my father, we were never close. My Dad kept his family at length from his children. I always believed that this was because he was we embarrassed him. Whenever we made the pilgrimage back to his childhood home, I always felt insecure, inadequate and not good enough. Because we were kept at a distance, any familial relationships with his relatives became nonexistent upon his death. 

Unfortunately, and despite my best efforts, this included my Aunt Judy. Scores of phone calls went unanswered after my Dad's death. It became a bit of a joke that I would hear from Aunt Judy when she was drunk enough to remember that we existed and that she liked us. Through her slurred filled words, I would hear her tell me about how much she misses my Dad.  This happened about every 18 months. 

Because I was not able to develop or maintain a relationship with my Aunt Judy, I was unaware of the cognitive decline of her partner. Out of respect for her privacy I won't go into details, but J is no longer capable of living an independent life. This shocked my sister and I who feel quasi responsible for taking care of our Aunt J. Although not a relative by blood, she has been in our lives since our birth.

So, how do you help somebody who desperately needs supports? While her friends are helpful, they are struggling with their own health issues and living life in their 80s.  Immediately after my Dad's death, during one of Judy's alcohol fueled calls, they asked me to assume power of attorney should something happen to one or both of them. I agreed, but the only information I was sent were funeral arrangements (which ironically were not followed because of Aunt J).

What am I supposed to do now? Thank goodness Scott is retired and we are able to take trips to Pittsburgh, because this is shaping up to be a real mess. But it is a mess I feel beholden to assume because of my Dad's love for his sister.