A Fantastic Day

I had a fantastic day yesterday. I would like to thank everybody for the well wishes and messages that were sent through email and on Facebook. I felt like I was opening presents each time I logged on my computer and retrieved more messages. The fact that many of the well-wishes were from followers of my blog meant a lot to me.

Robby slept until 8:30 (an extremely rare treat) and greeted me with kisses. After being hugged and kissed and showered with a chorus of happy birthday's, he grabbed the telephone and asked for the "numbers to call Daddy." After dialing, he took the phone into the bathroom because he "needed privacy." I overheard Robby ask his Daddy to take him to the store when he got home from work because he wanted to buy Momom pink roses. He also informed Scott that he was going to need money to pay for the flowers. He then emerged from the bathroom, hung up the phone and told me that he had a secret.

I had to work for a few hours yesterday and was forced to take Robby with me. Taking Robby to work is always a crap shoot. Sometimes he behaves and sometimes Robby Rotten terrorizes the office. I suspect he was on his best behavior because it was my birthday because he could not have been better. Again, I was so proud of my little guy!

I spent the afternoon meeting with new amputees and discussing prosthetics. I thoroughly enjoy sharing my experiences and helping others with their journey. I couldn't have picked a better way for me to spend my birthday than to pay it forward and help new friends!

Scott came home with a ginormous birthday cake. Robby took a finger scoop of icing out of the center before we had the first candle lit. He is my little boy- he loves cake!

I was taken out for dinner and doted upon all evening. Scott gave me a mat for my kitchen floor. The best gift I received was, without doubt, the beautiful flowers from Robby. I will never forget the smile on his face as he came running towards me with the bouquet waving wildly in the air!

I have a wonderful family and fantastic friends. I was overwhelmed by the love that I felt yesterday. I am truly blessed.

Who Am I?

In honor of turning 37 today, I have decided to reveal 37 facts about who I am (and who I am not).

I am a wife and a stay at home Mom but that does not mean that I am uneducated or lazy.

I am a daughter, a sister, a cousin and a friend who will always offer support but that does not mean I always agree with their actions.

I am a pacifist by nature but that does not mean I am not above raising hell in defense of a loved one.

I am a confidant but that does not mean that I have all the answers.

I am a Survivor but I continue to fear another cancer diagnosis.

I am an amputee but I am not ashamed of my limb loss or my disability.

I am a writer but I am not counting my success by dollars and cents but by the emails that I receive and the friendships that have been formed.

I am a cook and a baker but that does not mean that I am a housekeeper.

I am considered a weight loss success but I continue to struggle with body image issues.

I am on my bike trainer at least 5 x a week, pedaling at least 20 miles a day but I am not yet confident enough to ride my bike around my neighborhood.

I am proud of how much Robby has learned and his readiness for kindergarten but I am not ready to let him go to school.

I am a dreamer but I am not sure how to turn my dreams into goals.

I am frequently disappointed and hurt by others but I refuse to be a doormat.

I am active but I am certainly not an athlete.

I am trying to eat healthier but I just devoured a bag of Oreos.

I am sometimes sad about my amputation but I am not spending my life lamenting what cannot be changed. Still, sometimes I cry.

I am a good mom but that does not mean I don't hide in the corner of my closet so that I can have a few moments alone.

I am working on a book but that does not mean I am ready to let anybody read.

I am a worrier by nature but that doesn't mean I am not working on detaching.

I am a teacher but that does not mean I am planning on returning to the classroom.

I am a fan of reality TV but that does not mean I understand why so many people volunteer to participate.

I am a caring and patient person but that does not mean that I am tolerant of bigotry or discrimination.

I am perceived as confident but that does not mean that I don't feel like a scared little girl sometimes.

I am hoping to make a difference in the lives of others but that doesn't mean I know how I am going to do this.

I am sad that Robby is an only child but I am not confident that my body can handle another pregnancy. It breaks my heart.

I am disappointed by mistakes that I have made in the past but this does not mean I am going to let those blunders define my future.

I am aware that I should forgive the individual who caused my initial foot injury but I am not able to let go of my resentment.

I am afraid of death but this does not mean that I am afraid to live.

I am an active Facebook user but this does not mean I will accept friend requests from those who taunted me in high school.

I am spirited when I sing but that does not mean that I am talented.

I am not quick to anger but that does not mean that I don't explode when pushed to the limit.

I am happy that I married Scott but that does not mean that I am happy with the way we were married.

I am a list maker and a planner but that does not mean that I am good at staying on task.

I am able to sing all the theme songs to SpongeBob, The Backyardigans, The WonderPets, Yo Gabba Gabba, The Wiggles and just about every other preschool show but I am not able to name one song by Lady Gaga.

I am always ready for an adventure with friends but that does not mean that I get to see them often.

I am proud of who I am becoming but that does not mean that I am gracefully accepting the change which accompanies growth.

I am 37 years old today. I am not sure how time moved so quickly. It feels like just yesterday I was in college and turning 21. I thought that those were the best years of my life. But I was wrong because I believe the best years lie ahead of me!

Lights.. Camera.. Action!

Yesterday was a whirlwind. Robby, Scott and I woke up early, eager to meet the adventures of the day. After a quick breakfast, and a long time getting ready, we were finally ready to leave for our filming location.

I anticipated the interview lasting an hour. I sat down, took a deep breath and tried to go into "the zone." I thought carefully before responding to the questions to convey my thoughts as honestly and as clearly as possible. I tried to envision that I was talking to a new amputee friend when I spoke.

I was surprised and a tad confused when they wrapped after about 20 minutes.

When they unclasped the microphone, I had a cringe of insecurity as I thought that perhaps my interview was so terrible that it wasn't worth the time to have me continue. When I got out of the chair I was told that I was referred to as "One Take Peggy" because of my ability to answer clearly the first time. My insecurities evaporated.

Robby was fantastic, and I couldn't be prouder. He put powder on his nose and smiled for the cameras. He knew that he was not supposed to look at the cameras when they were following us. He made ignoring the cameras a game and I know that they were able to tape some great footage.

I am so grateful that Scott was able to rearrange his schedule to accompany us. This blog would have a completely different tone if he hadn't been there to entertain and to watch Robby while I was working. He was able to keep Robby both busy and quiet--this is not an easy task.

I was told that this show will air sometime in June or July. I will keep you posted. Hopefully I won't end up on the cutting room floor again!

Discovery Channel Filming

Today is the big day! It still feels surreal that I'm being included in a Discovery Channel show. My story feels so inadequate compared to those whom I have met. Right now I suppose I'm just scared, worried that I'll let everybody down. In reality, I am suffering from nothing more than normal stage fright.

I want to portray amputees in a realistic light. Although our issues are unique, I don't want to participate in a show that simply produces pity. The thought of being part of a sideshow style production makes me shudder.

My goals for this project are to educate and, ultimately, to help. I am hopeful that through demonstrating what it is truly like living with an amputation, new amputees may find comfort and research into remedying many obstacles will increase.

I am so thankful and happy that Scott was able to adjust his work schedule to accompany Robby and me on this adventure. Yesterday we spent the afternoon playing in the hotel pool with Robby. We had a great time laughing and splashing. What a fantastic way to release my jitters!

It is comforting having him close to offer encouragement and an endless supply of hugs. I'm also relieved that he will be able to watch Robby when I am being interviewed. After the antics of Robby Rotten in Tampa, I was apprehensive about taking him 'to work' with me again. Knowing that Robby is well taken care of has taken a huge worry off my mind.

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I don't want to miss a moment because of my fears. I want to show that amputees, as a population, possess a strength to persevere and to overcome. I don't want to portray us as timid, nervous and meek. I'm going to smile, to communicate effectively and try to make everybody proud. Wish me luck!

Not So Stylish...

During the past 6 weeks I've worked hard and shed nearly 20 pounds so that I can look my best for my interview on the Discovery Channel show. Happier with my figure, I was thrilled that I dropped a pant size! Feeling confident, I knew that only thing left for me to address was my hair. I was in desperate need of a haircut and updated style.

Friday night was spent scouring the Internet, in search of the perfect hairstyle. I wanted something that exuded the "I'm a super hip, sexy hot Mommy" aura. I also knew that the style had to be easy to manage since I have absolutely no talent, and even less patience, when it comes to working with my hair. Finally, after a flurry of Facebook posts and emails, I thought that I found the perfect style.

Saturday morning Scott and Robby dropped me off at the salon. I opted to try a new establishment, which was both cheaper and more convenient. Trying some place new for such an important event was probably not my wisest decision. Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20.

I met with my new stylist, Ava. She was nice and listened to me as I explained the upcoming television show and my desire to be a hipper, younger looking Mom. I then showed her my pictures, and she agreed that the style would look good.

After the style was decided, Ava continued to brush and examine my hair. She then suggested that I do something to address my "substantial" gray. I was caught off guard, but I agreed. After all, I certainly couldn't be the hip and sexy Mom with gray hair. Before I knew it, my hair was being painted for highlights and a new base color.

Sitting under the dryer, I felt nothing short of ugly with my hair folded into foil and the odoriferous dye saturating my locks. I tried to envision how fabulous I was going to look once the color was rinsed and my new haircut took shape. When that wasn't successful, I grabbed the nearest magazine and tried to pass the time.

Ava must have sensed my vulnerability because she went into salesperson mode. I was offered a manicure, pedicure and a massage. It was suggested that I have my pores minimized through a special salt facial. A mud wrap, I was told, would firm my thighs and backside.

She eventually recommended that I have my eye brows waxed, stating that she "almost dyed one of them because it was so long she thought it was part of my bangs." I declined the offer, even when she indicated that a discount would be provided. I smiled and looked down at my outdated magazine article in which the authors debated the possible designs of Kate Middleton's wedding dress.

Ava left me alone for about 10 minutes, but then approached me again. This time she lifted the dryer and bent down to whisper into my ear. "We have a dermatologist on call, My Dear. Would you like me to give him a call so that you can have a few Botox injections while your color sets? You really need to do something about all those creases; they make you look very very old and sad."

Sitting under the dryer, my scalp itching from the color and foils, I almost cried. I came into the salon for a simple haircut in order to accentuate my features and to celebrate my success losing weight. Instead, I learned that I look like an old lady with gray hair, large pores, bad nails, a jiggly bum, and woolly mammoth eyebrows who is desperately in need of Botox to minimize my wrinkles!

Ava must have sensed that she wasn't going to be scoring additional services because her affect drastically changed after I denied the Botox. She rinsed my hair and began cutting. She seemed angry.

On Saturday, I learned that I should never let a hairstylist cut my hair when they are angry with me! The style is nothing like the picture I presented. Instead of looking hip and sexy, I look as if I have a giant highlighted mushroom on top of my head.

Both my Mom and Scott have assured me that I do not look like a mushroom, but I'm not convinced. I find myself pulling on the ends in a fruitless attempt to make it grow by Tuesday! I'm hoping that I adjust to my new look and can feign confidence for the interview. (I am also fully aware that my distress over my hair could be misplaced anxiety for the interview.)

In the meantime, I bought make-up that promises to both fill in wrinkles and minimize pores. I've plucked my eyebrows, painted my nails and pulled my Spanx body slimmer out of my dresser. My head might look like a giant mushroom, but the rest of me will look good!

Gone Fishing

Between the pain in my stump and my elevated stress level, sleep was practically impossible on Wednesday night. Apparently I was grinding my teeth and flexing my biceps because I had trouble talking and unbending my arms. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant way to wake up!

There was no denying it--I was tired and irritable. I'm afraid to admit that I was not a very good Mommy for the first half of the day. I knew that I was short tempered with Robby and he had done nothing wrong. Knowing that I was not being a good Mom made my mood sour even more!

In order to try to heal my residual limb before my Philadelphia trip, I had promised that I wouldn't ride my bike. I also knew that if I didn't find a way to relieve my stress I was going to implode. I broke my promise, hopped onto the saddle and attempted to pedal my worries away.

I dismounted nearly 90 minutes later. I was covered in sweat and physically exhausted. My leg was a little worse for wear, but riding wasn't as detrimental as I feared. I was happy that I was able to bear full weight through my prosthetic. Walking still hurt, but it wasn't enough for me to keep my leg off.

During my time pedaling I was able to work through a lot of my frustrations. I find something cathartic about the repetition of pedaling. I was a much better Mom in the afternoon!

After I showered and fixed lunch, Robby and I decided to go on an adventure. He made a sign that he swears says "Gone Fishing." I'm fairly sure it is just a bunch of happy faces and his name written a few times. In any case, we hung our "Gone Fishing" sign, grabbed his pole and a jar of maggots (yes, maggots) and headed to the stream.

Robby declared that he was "going to catch a fish if it is the last thing I do." I was warned that he wasn't returning back to the house until he "reeled that sucker in." Considering that the fish in our stream are the size of small goldfish, I knew that we were going to be there for awhile.


Two hours into our fishing trip we received a visitor. Mr. Bill, our neighbor, came down to visit and brought Robby a present. He built Robby a boat. Robby handed me his pole and immediately began to splash around with his "pirate ship." I have the world's best neighbor. Not only did he build Robby a boat, but he actually managed to help Robby catch a fish. My little guy was delighted as he reeled in an anchovy sized fish!

I continued to feel guilty about being snappy with Robby in the morning. I guess moms always feel guilty! Robby, however, seemed to have forgotten the rocky start to the morning. After all, he had a boat and caught a "ginormous fish."

We spent the evening cuddled up on the couch, and I began to count my blessings. I have a wonderful little boy and a husband who, as soon as we unpacked our groceries, willingly drove back to the store because I kept talking about how good the blueberry pie ice cream looked! By the time I tucked Robby into bed he continued to talk about his catching "a fishy as big as a whale." I thoroughly enjoyed my ice cream surprise, and my outlook was improving. Through my stress and worries, I've realized how very lucky and blessed I am.

My Philadelphia Diet

Robby and I have been invited to Philadelphia to participate in a new television show (Health Heroes) for the Discovery Channel. I was initially overwhelmed with the invitation, worried about every aspect of my being on television. Of course, the top of my worry list was my appearance.

Although I have maintained my weight loss fairly well (fluctuating 10 pounds through the winter) I resolved to lose as much weight as possible. After all, if the camera adds 10 pounds, and I am 10 pounds heavier than I would like, my math indicates that I would have been embarrassed. I knew I had to take the situation in hand.

In my typical over-zealous fashion, I immediately stepped up my work-outs, sweating longer and pedaling harder on the bike. Robby and I have been playing outdoors seemingly non-stop. I reason that I'm both being a good Mommy and getting an extra calorie burn during those endless hours of tag and Pirate Fighting in our front yard.

My efforts have not been in vain. Yesterday I put on a pair of shorts that were too tight last summer, and now they are too big! I have lost 17 pounds so far, and I feel great. Well, I almost feel great.

Weight loss for an amputee has a drastic impact on the fit of their prosthetic. My shedding nearly 20 pounds has caused my leg to become too big, thus I am forced to wear socks, increasing the ply throughout the day to soften the rocking of my limb against the socket wall. I hate socks!

My leg hurts whenever I am wearing my prosthetic. It is difficult for me to walk up and down hills because of the pressures within my prosthetic. I am no longer feeling a natural freedom when I walk. Rather, I am forced to calculate the terrain and to consciously minimize the rattling of my stump within the socket walls.

I find myself frustrated that I can't lose weight without having so many aspects of my life affected. With each step I am reminded that I am walking on a prosthetic. I simply don't appreciate the constant reminder!

While I am going to need a new socket, it is going to have to wait. Filming for the show is next week and I don't want to use a test socket during this opportunity. I'll have to be happy with my 17 pounds, three short of my goal, because I have to tone down my exercise for a few days. I am toying with the idea of eating high sodium foods (don't tell my Mom) so that my limb swells and will fit comfortably into the socket.

Despite my socket issues, I'm still thrilled about this opportunity. I am going to do my best to portray amputees in a positive light. I'm no longer overly concerned about my appearance. I may end up on the cutting room floor again, but I'm going to look cute!