Robby Rotten came to Florida

I had been looking forward to this past weekend for months. Upon receiving the invitation to speak in St. Petersburg, FL, I immediately began to plan activities that I knew Robby would love. I even managed to arrange for a private, behind the scenes tour of the local aquarium which happens to feature a dolphin with a prosthetic tail.

I envisioned two fun-filled days in the Florida, soaking up the sun and creating wonderful memories. I packed meticulously, trying to anticipate every need or possible desire. I knew that nothing could spoil what I dubbed "Momom and Robby's Florida Adventure."

It turns out that I was wrong. One thing could positively ruin the weekend, slashing my dreams of creating a fabulous memory between Robby and me. My sweet little Robby apparently decided to forgo this vacation, sending Robby Rotten in his stead.

Although I've heard stories of other children acting out, I am fairly confident that my Robby Rotten antics could beat most others. He was obstinate, demanding and just plain miserable.

During the running clinic on Saturday he refused to follow directions, opting to locate seashells and assorted fish parts in the dugout in lieu of participating. He threw himself into temper tantrums at the most inopportune time, causing stares from the other children while I received looks of empathy and pity from their parents.

He was whiny when his whims were not immediately satisfied. He threw an all out, fist pounding on the ground fit when I told him that he couldn't have ice cream. Not that I need to defend my decision but it was only 8:15 in the morning!

Robby Rotten stood behind me when I was delivering my speech. I lost my thoughts several times because I was struggling to keep the back of my shirt down. For some reason, Robby decided that lifting up my shirt and licking my back like a kitty while I was speaking to a large crowd seemed like a good idea.

By the end of the running clinic I was thoroughly embarrassed by my ill-behaved little hellion. We went back to the hotel room, where he promptly fell asleep. By this point I regretted that we had a commitment to visit the aquarium. I felt obligated to go because so many individuals were involved with the planning. Against my better judgment, we went to the aquarium.

We were expected at the aquarium to film a small scene for an upcoming movie. Ironically, Robby was charming while the cameras were rolling. For a brief moment on Saturday, my sweet little boy was resurrected. As soon as the filming ended, Robby Rotten returned.

Robby loves fish. Apparently Robby Rotten does not love fish. He seemed to enjoy petting and feeding the dolphins but nothing else piqued his interest. He spent the next hour meowing like a cat and scratching me whenever he didn't get what he wanted.

He whined, complained and refused to follow instructions. I got so fed up with his behavior that we had to forgo the extraordinary opportunity to swim with a baby dolphin and had to leave the tour early. On the way out to the car he dug in his feet and began to scream, "Please don't throw me in the trash again. Please don't break me into pieces again. Are you going to throw me away?" We received a lot of stares, but I guess it isn't every day you see a one legged woman pulling a screaming child through a parking lot.

I wish that Robby Rotten had stayed away for this trip. I had planned on having a wonderful weekend with my little boy. Instead of feeling like paradise, Florida began to feel like purgatory. Someday, when Robby is older, I'm going to remind him about how badly he behaved. Actually, I take that back. I think I'll tell his prom date. That will be much more humiliating!