House of Cards

Before my amputation I never considered the possibilities of complications, revision surgeries and the occasional day where I wouldn't be able to wear my leg. I assumed that after I healed from the surgery, I would receive my prosthesis and life would be great. I failed to realize that my ability to ambulate would be built on a relatively fragile house of cards.

In one way, I gained my independence through my amputation. On the other hand, I feel vulnerable because my ability to walk is dependent upon so many factors. I now find myself completely reliant upon carbon fiber and computerized components. Fluid fluctuations within my limb, nerve issues and phantom pain can all conspire on any given day to make ambulating painful.

If I wake up with an ingrown hair, I am restricted for the day; if I fall and bump my limb, I have a painful prosthesis day; pinch cuts occur and I am without my leg until I am healed. Through experience I have learned that bone spurs, bursas and neuromas can develop from seemingly nowhere to sideline me, forcing me to undergo surgery and a painful recovery.

In order to maintain healthy and mobile, I am always vigilant. I am careful to examine my stump every night. I take all the necessary precautions with my liner and socket. I never imagined that my hand mirror and a tube of Neosporin would become fixtures on my nightstand. Still, despite my efforts, sometimes bad things just happen!

Speaking with my amputee friends, I have discovered that many times we become sidelined at the most inopportune moments although, I suppose that there is never a good time for something lousy to occur. Despite our efforts, revision surgeries, sores, phantom pains and discomfort happen.

It is frustrating when I wake up and I can't walk without pain. I am reminded of my "disability" when I have to adjust my socket, or when my prosthetic breaks down. I've had five revision surgeries since I became an amputee, and I would be lying if I didn't admit that I fear another.

I wish that being an amputee was as easy as learning to balance on a prosthetic. It's a lot harder than I anticipated. That being said, I have no doubt that I'm still better off today than I was the days before my surgery.