Delayed Amputation

I was disturbed the first time I heard my amputation referred to as "elective." I considered "elective" surgeries to be primarily cosmetic such as face lifts and breast implants. I had been living and struggling with a foot that was non functional. and I was reliant upon crutches, a walking boot and pain medication for five years. I viewed my amputation as my last treatment option in order to regain a sense of "normalcy" in my life. My amputation was the last resort and, in my opinion, there was nothing "elective" about it in spite of having the luxury of choosing the date and time of my surgery.

I felt an unexpected sense of shame after my amputation, as if I were a failure on some level because I couldn't handle the pain. Logically, I knew that my reasons were valid and that my decision was sound. In some ways I felt that I had to disguise my grief and anguish that I felt over losing my foot because it had been my decision. After all, I went to court to have my leg amputated. It seemed somehow wrong to then grieve.

Last week I came across an article that caused all of the feelings that I experienced preceding my amputation to resurface. The author of the article explored the growing number of post-trauma amputations that are being performed on injured military personnel. Instead of referring to the amputation as "elective" the author coined the term "delayed." I think that is a far better descriptor!

More limbs are being saved during combat than anytime in history. Unfortunately, merely saving a limb does not equate to restoring function or eliminating debilitating pain. Scores of injured soldiers are facing the same decision that faced me 8 years ago. Should a limb with decreased function and a source of pain be kept merely because it is still attached? With prosthetic technology increasing and producing amazing devices, is it a better option to "cut your losses" and rely upon technology instead of flesh and bone? For me, the answer was yes.

On a strange level, I found the article reassuring. I have met other amputees who have been forced to make the decision to amputate, but for me, there always remained an unspoken sense of isolation surrounding the choice. I will no longer refer to my amputation as elective. I had a delayed amputation, and I made the best decision possible considering the circumstances.