I am being teased by the sandman who is providing me just enough sleep to function but not to feel rested. I can't remember the last time I slept for more than two hours without waking up, and I am beginning to doubt that I will ever experience that luxury again. I really miss sleeping!
Lately it feels like my thoughts and worries begin racing as soon as my head hits the pillow. I can have a wonderfully happy day, but for some reason when I lie down, I start to perseverate and worry. I realize much of my nightly worry list is full of things beyond my ability to control, but knowing this doesn't seem to help put the fears out of my mind. I never used to be a worrier. I suppose it comes with either being a mother or with getting older (or perhaps both).
My leg has not been cooperating with my quest for sleep. My limb has been taking a beating during the past few weeks. Between the skin flap failure, the bone spur/bursa and the ill-fitting socket, the pain is only increasing. I feel the pain the most at night after I remove my prosthetic. Let me just repeat that there is absolutely nothing phantom about phantom pain!
When my mind and leg finally settle, I confront another obstacle. Unfortunately, Scott's snoring has increased in both frequency and decibel during the past months. I am often forced out of our room because of the sounds of a rumbling train emanating from my sweet husband. We have tried a myriad of snore remedies, but nothing has made an impact.
I silently curse every time I have to don my liner and leg in the middle of the night. By the time I am able to sneak away to another bed, I am fully awake because of the extra steps my prosthetic requires. My middle of the night escapes also seem to awake the phantom pain which I had just quieted!
I am anxiously awaiting the end of June when Scott's summer vacation starts. I am looking forward to having my residual limb fixed which will hopefully eliminate the pain. As a bonus, because he won't have to get up to go to work, I can make him be the person to change beds when Steamboat Scotty starts to snore. Then if I could only figure out a way to stop worrying, I just might be able to sleep.
Until then, I will continue to survive on a steady stream of coffee and iced tea!