Stopping Time

Yesterday morning I vowed to put the thoughts of my impending surgery out of my mind. After all, there will be plenty of time to deal with that reality. I decided that I don't want to spend too much time fretting or becoming angry about something that is inevitable. Perhaps it is a form of denial--wanting to ignore thinking about something because it makes me sad. If it is denial, I've decided that I'm okay with that!

After dropping off Robby at school, I returned home excited to begin decorating for Christmas. I realize that it is a little early to be putting out the decorations. I need to somehow lift my spirits and colorful lights and glittery ornaments always seem to do the trick. (Besides, I figure I can put out as many decorations as I want this year. Chances are I'll be recovering from surgery in January when it is time for them to be put away and somebody else will have to do it!)

I quickly became sidetracked. I ended up spending the morning buried waist high in piles of clothes and toys that Robby has outgrown. It was not the best day for me to sort through his things. I always end up crying when I realize how quickly he is growing, and yesterday was no exception.

My little boy isn't so little anymore, and it makes me sad. I am so proud of the person he is becoming. He is growing into a compassionate, smart and curious individual, but I just wish he wouldn't grow so quickly!

Despite my emotions, I stayed on task and I had four bags and six boxes packed full of outgrown clothes and toys by the end of the morning. I was also a puddle of tears. Envisioning the happiness that another child will feel while playing with the toys and wearing the clothes made it a little easier.

I dried my tears, put the boxes and bags in the corner, and went to pick up Robby. I found him crying, sitting on the little green carpet in his classroom. He came running to me, literally jumping into my arms. When I asked him why he was crying, he explained, "I missed you Momom. I wanted you to come and pick me up because you make me smile."

In that moment I realized that I am okay that he has outgrown his toddler clothes and toys. I've decided to keep him this size, and this age, forever. Now if I could just figure out a way to stop time...
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