I Won't Quit

Yesterday I completed my first full work-out with my trainer. The good news--I survived. The bad news--I didn't think it was possible to be this sore. My arms were worked to such a state of exhaustion that I struggled for 10 minutes to take off my sports bra at the end of my session because I could no longer lift my arms over my head! I knew that my upper body was weak. I didn't realize that it bordered on pathetic

After my work-out, I was pulled into the office to review the results of my fitness evaluation. I knew that the news was not going to be good when my trainer grabbed a box of tissues before sitting down next to me. As he began to gently deliver the dreaded news, I almost felt bad for him. He was struggling to remain upbeat, but let's face it: it's hard to put a positive spin on terms like "dangerous muscle deficit" and "inadequate core muscle development."

As he was dutifully reviewing the multi-page report I finally felt compelled to add my two cents. I explained that, while I realize my weight is higher than it should be, I also am not going to beat myself up about it. I know where I was, and I know where I am going to be. Right now I am simply on a continuum towards a healthier and stronger body.

I am being proactive, and I am actively working towards my goal. While I realize that he has to collect numbers and develop graphs, I do not find them useful. I want to feel better, not look better on a graph. I think he was expecting me to break down sobbing because he seemed surprised by my candor! I took the report and stuffed it into the Thomas the Train backpack/ gym bag.

Right now parts of my body are hurting that I did not realize contained pain receptors. Scott had to wash my hair for me last night because it was too painful for me to do myself. My stump has been so angry and has been kicking violently at night. I feel like I should audition to be a Rockette.

I am scheduled to go back to the gym on Tuesday, and by the way I am feeling right now, I am not looking forward to it. But I am going to go, and I will continue to give 110%. This is the first thing in a long time that I am doing just for me. I want to be stronger, fitter, and healthier. I am going to do this, and I know it will get easier. Even if it doesn't get easier, quitting is not an option.